July 14th, 2008 06:19 PM
July 14th, 2008 06:21 PM
Deal with it. Lots of people have it alot worse than you.
"In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." Thomas Jefferson
Nemo Me Impune Lacesset
July 14th, 2008 06:30 PM
I think Frank Sinatra has a song that sings your line...
I also think you should discuss your views with your parents...not a whine...but as time passes, so will the anomosity grow unless dealt with.
July 14th, 2008 08:18 PM
Believe it or not... it all comes back... eventually.
When I moved "out" .. I vowed to never ask daddy for any money..... not a dime, no matter how hard it got. And, it was hard as hell at times..... bill to bill and eating peanut butter and bread for 9 months at one point. But, it was food.
Meantime, my brother and sister were "soaking " daddy......... for everything they could, the money was all that mattered to them... and they consequently lived in much nicer bigger houses, cars, etc.
However, then things began to change......... many years later. There's more in life... than money. Money may be what they use to 'control' sis with too.....
One day..... as he got old.... he voiced his "opinion" that all anyone cared about was his money, not him, and he was fed up...... I stood up... and asked him.....
Name me ONCE.... in 30 + years that I have ever asked you for a dime. He couldn't.
I was proud that what I had... was of MY doing. I was more proud of what I did have, than they were of theirs. I also got into higher paying jobs, and things came around.
During his eulogy..... every good friend of his pronounced.... how 'proud' my father was at what I had done.... unlike his other son and daughter, and that I had more moral fortitude and determination and respect for myself, than they ever had.... and how much "respect" he had for me as a result.
So, value what you may...... mine...... was not the money that I never earned.
I stepped in and for 9 yrs, was a single grandfather.... with 2 grandkids.... one was 6 mo's old and the other 2 yrs old. The one is now 9 yrs old, and other is 11 yrs old. They are now living with my daughter, who is not their mother. My father was alive when this occurred. His comment.... "your mother raised you right".
Difficult, hard, etc... you bet.... but "priceless"... and would never trade it for anything else.
There will always be challenges in life, it's not whether you have them, it's all in how well you handle them.
July 14th, 2008 08:29 PM
I had kind of the same thing growing up except my parents were flat broke and we did not always have electricity and never had cable. I was the older son and I asked for school supplies for Christmas because I knew my parents could not afford more. My sister got pretty much whatever she wanted. When I graduated H.S., I joined the Navy and ran the Reactors for 6 years. My sister lived with my parents until she was 21, moved out, and was pack with at home when she was 24. My parents were doing better and paid for her college...and my sister moved out a few years ago.
I'm doing very well, and my sister still asks for money. I'm not bitter that my sister gets 'free' money, I feel sorry for her. I know that everything I have is mine and I earned it. Yeah, sometimes life is tough, but the military and me doing it on my own made me a man, where as my sister is still a child.
Between the two choices, I think I'll take mine. And like QK said, you have to put it in perspective. One of my best friends has been at the San Antonio burn hospital since Nov 2006. And he considers himself lucky and has never complained about what life has handed him.
You're the head of a family...it's time to man up and act like it.
July 14th, 2008 08:42 PM
Get your friends together and start turnin wrenches on the weekends, it'll save ya money on labor for fixing the civic and all you need to buy is parts.
Who cares what your parents bought your sister? At this point in my life (23), I don't want my parents paying my way (I've felt like this for a while). I have a job, have a life, am proud of the life I lead, and my pride wouldn't let me take a $40,000 Mercedes from them because at 23 I should be able to fulfill my own needs and not need my parents to buy me a luxury car.
Maybe it's time to find a new job if you are in need of more money, or a second job. I know some people who would be glad to offer you one, and probably change your perspective on life immensely.
Fortes Fortuna Juvat
Former, USMC 0311, OIF/OEF vet
NRA Pistol/Rifle/Shotgun/Reloading Instructor, RSO, Ohio CHL Instructor
July 14th, 2008 08:58 PM
Originally Posted by QKShooter
I think you missed the point that I was attempting to make. I am not so focused on the material goods as they are simply a manifestation of the attitude I feel my parents show.
My sister gets "rewarded" for doing as my parents beckon. Whereas I tend to get "punished" for cruising off the beaten path (being an individual). I learned very rapidly that my parents money (if I ask for it) comes with strings attached. It is way more of a hassle for me to ask than it is for me to just go out and do.
This is not about "manning up" and just progressing forth. I guess I am seeking a way to express my concerns and feelings to my parents...perhaps it will cause more harm than good...I don't know.
I know there are a lot of people on this forum both my age and my parents....and I appreciate the opinions of all.
July 14th, 2008 09:04 PM
July 14th, 2008 10:52 PM
Well, I suppose the plus side is that not only do you know how to make it on your own, but you man'd up and moved across the country on your own effectively without your parents blessing and you're doing ok. Your sister on the other hand, will probably never learn to survive on her own. That much has been clear since day 1 when I met her for the first time...clueless comes to mind. Count yourself lucky.
Think about where you're at and who you are. Then think about the rest of the family and your darling sibling. Ask yourself if you would trade places...
...I didn't think so.
All that money and they're not exactly the brady bunch are they...
You know where i'm at ..or rather not at financially speaking, but I have a plan and I've put the plan in motion. Hopefully, I'll have an offer letter on a price(almost double what I'm making now) both parties agreed on recently(last week). Here's the kicker...I didn't know much by way of specifics on how to complete the job at hand. I crammed for a few weeks, started my own home lab, and managed to convince them in a series of mind-numbing interviews that I'd work my butt off and learn the stuff ala fly-by-night style and they liked that plan. So here we are. There's nothing stopping you from doing the same. Heck, you already jumped a free ride on the gravy train and moved across the country. Why stop there? Find something you like and go for it.
I don't like the idea of staying up long past 0dark30 every other night cramming for a few months and still getting up at 530 or 6 every morning for work, but if that's what it's going to take to get me more stable financially, then so be it.
I'm still young..ish.
"My God David, We're a Civilized society."
"Sure, As long as the machines are workin' and you can call 911. But you take those things away, you throw people in the dark, and you scare the crap out of them; no more rules...You'll see how primitive they can get."
-The Mist (2007)
July 15th, 2008 01:09 AM
It sounds as if you and I are from similar backgrounds and similar situations. My older sibling is a complete moron, still on the "1st Bank of Dad" plan, new cars, homes, marriage and divorces all paid for by good old Dad. She is almost 40 now and has yet to accomplish anything.
My much younger sibling who is very intelligent is on the same plan, but at least he is making his way through school on his own merit and earning scholarships from his academic work and talent, but he has received a lot more support than I ever thought about getting.
I'm the forgotten child who has done things right, (on my own) graduated high school and joined the military at 17much to my families dismay. I packed a duffel bag and the recruiter drove me to the airport at 6am, nobody even rolled out of bed to say see ya later... I learned a lot that day, it still pisses me off 15 years later, but oh well, life goes on.
I once moved across country with $17.00 dollars to my name, two years later owned my own home and was successful. That meant a lot more to me than any hand out, and now I know I can pull some pretty good stuff off to make it if need be.
I to despised college, I hated the fact that I'm spending a lot of money for some pony tailed triple ply who never left academia telling me how anything out in the real world worked. At that point in my life, I've already been sent into conflicts half way across the globe, had a successful business and far more in life than most people ever do on their own.
My purpose is sharing all that was to point out that I understand how you feel, but doing it on your own is so much better in the long run. If you purchase that car with your money, there is no strings attached.
If your going to play the game of life, you might as well play by your own rules.
All that said, California people are weird, you're much better off in VA.
July 15th, 2008 06:52 PM
Dude, at 25 and married you shouldn't be worried about what your parents do/don't give you or anyone else. If you're short on cash, start looking for a better paying job. You sound like someone decent, maybe try an IT job in the Air Force and see what happens from there - you might latter want to go back to college, your wife may want to further her education, you both may want to get kids, etc. Fix your finantials on your own and quit complainning; you definetly have it better that a lot other folks out there - i.e. you could be patrolling the streets of Iraq and getting shot at.
July 15th, 2008 07:01 PM
This is a tough one, but my suggestion is to confront your parents with the same story you just related to us. You'll be no worse off, and possibly, just possibly, you can make them see how unfair they have been.
I would not ignore the situation, nor would I get angry. I would just tell them, without getting angry, just how you feel. Nothing to lose, everything to gain.
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
-- Benjamin Franklin
July 15th, 2008 07:05 PM
Check out the book on tape "The Millionaire Next Door." That will make you thankfull you're not getting the handouts. My two younger sisters had it WAY easier than me as the eldest. They get lots of handouts. Fortunately for me, I know the handouts have nothing to do with how much my family cares for me, they just expect that I should be able to do better for myself. Sounds like you are equating the handouts with how much love they are handing out. Hope that's not the case, but like 2Amomma said, sounds like you married up. That's about the only family you CAN choose.
BTW, neither your parents, or my parents, are not doing our sisters any benifits with the handouts.
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.
My honda civic gets 46.4mpg - who needs a mustang these days. Higher fuel bills and more speeding tickets.
July 15th, 2008 07:14 PM
Look at the bright side of things too. When my wife and I got married my great uncle told me, "The best is yet to come." Remember that when you're feeling down. Do you have plans for the future?
July 15th, 2008 07:14 PM
I can appreciate your depression but in the immortal words of Dennis Leary "Life's ruff wear a helmet".
Sorry if that was harsh. Marriage isn't easy to begin with and if your family isn't part of the solution then if possible you need to remove them from the equation. Perhaps not literally but in the way you think about life.
The only advise I can give is to go back to school. I know it's a piece of paper and that's about it, but it's a "special" piece of paper. I took a brief (6 year hiatus) from college but I finished. Granted I'm in a crappy job, at least it's a well paying crappy job, but I do it for my family. With so little left to finish school wise it can make a world of difference.
Good luck to you and may God be with you.
There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation. That's one firearm for every twelve people on the planet. The only question is: How do we arm the other 11? (Yuri Orlov [Nicolas Cage] Lord of War)
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