Rules of flying

Rules of flying

This is a discussion on Rules of flying within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I have not seen it posted so here it goes RULES OF FLYING 1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. 2. If you ...

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Thread: Rules of flying

  1. #1
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    Talking Rules of flying

    I have not seen it posted so here it goes

    RULES OF FLYING

    1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
    2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
    3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
    4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
    5. The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
    6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
    7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
    8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
    9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
    10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
    11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
    12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
    13. STAY OUT OF CLOUDS!!!!! The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
    14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.
    15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
    16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
    17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
    18. If all you can see out the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
    19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
    20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
    21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
    22. Keep looking around. There is always something you have missed. Isn't that why they created checklists!
    23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It is the law and it is not subject to repeal.
    24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, the runway behind you and a tenth of a second ago.
    25. There are old pilots. There are bold pilots. However, there are no old, bold pilots.
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array Kerbouchard's Avatar
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    That's great! I hadn't seen some of those, either. Thanks for the laugh!

    There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil.

    http://miscmusings.townhall.com/

    Who is John Galt?

  3. #3
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    FEB examiner to pilot "What do you think caused the crash?"

    Pilot "I ran out of airspeed, altitude and ideas, all at the same time".

  4. #4
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    Nice collection, liked #13 best.
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

  5. #5
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    As I pilot, I can say that they are ALL TRUE! Here's photo of my local airport in NY (coming in for a landing), Hudson River in background.

    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

  6. #6
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    Here's one more for you other pilots out there:

    Attached Images
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

  7. #7
    Member Array Kovernm's Avatar
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    All so true. Thanks for sharing.

  8. #8
    VIP Member Array David in FL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JonInNY View Post
    Here's one more for you other pilots out there:


    The second engine of a light twin is guaranteed to get you all the way to the crash site in the case of a failure of the other engine.....
    "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."

    Theodore Roosevelt

  9. #9
    Senior Member Array HowardCohodas's Avatar
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    Keep your priorities. Aviate, navigate and finally communicate. Any uttered expletives do not count.
    Howard
    I carry a gun because I can't carry a cop!!
    Politically Incorrect Self Defense

  10. #10
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    Don't forget to listen to ATC.
    I haven’t heard any of the journalists who volunteered to be waterboarded asking to have their fingernails wrenched out with pliers, or electrodes attached to their genitals.

  11. #11
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    OK, can't resist. Here's one more:

    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

  12. #12
    Senior Member Array HowardCohodas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by atctimmy View Post
    Don't forget to listen to ATC.
    I love you guys dearly, but you remain third in my priority.
    Howard
    I carry a gun because I can't carry a cop!!
    Politically Incorrect Self Defense

  13. #13
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HowardCohodas View Post
    I love you guys dearly, but you remain third in my priority.
    +1 That's the way to do it. We originally learned it as the four C's:

    Climb (Aviate), Confess, Communicate, Comply

    or another way, Bernoulli comes before Marconi

    or, as my instructor once told me, just fly the darn plane... anything else is less important!
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

  14. #14
    1943 - 2009
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    Actual newspaper headlines from here and there:

    "Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says".

    "Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told".


    When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
    And the women come out to cut up what remains,
    Just roll to your rifle and blow out your brains,
    And go to your God like a soldier.

    Rudyard Kipling


    Terry

  15. #15
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    OK, here are some more aviation problems and solutions:

    P - The problem logged by the pilot.
    S - The solution and action taken by the engineers

    P - Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
    S - Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

    P - test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
    S - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

    P - No.2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
    S - No.2 propeller seepage normal - Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

    P - Something loose in cockpit.
    S - Something tightened in cockpit.

    P - Dead bugs on windshield.
    S - Livebugs on backorder.

    P - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
    S - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S - Evidence removed.

    P - DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S - Volume set to more believable level.

    P - IFF inoperative.
    S - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P - Suspected crack in windscreen.
    S - Suspect you're right.

    P - Number 3 engine missing.
    S - Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P - Aircraft handles funny.
    S - Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, Fly Right and Be Serious."

    P - Target radar hums.
    S - Reprogrammed target radar with words.

    P - Mouse in cockpit.
    S - Cat installed.

    P - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S - That's what they're there for.

    P - Noise from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding with a hammer.
    S - Took hammer away from midget.
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

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