The Laws Of Ultimate Reality

The Laws Of Ultimate Reality

This is a discussion on The Laws Of Ultimate Reality within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY & Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll ...

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Thread: The Laws Of Ultimate Reality

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Talking The Laws Of Ultimate Reality

    THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

    & Law of Mechanical Repair
    After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

    & Law of Gravity
    Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

    & Law of Random Numbers
    If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

    & Law of the Alibi
    If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

    & Variation Law
    If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

    & Law of the Bath
    When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

    & Law of Close Encounters
    The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

    & Law of the Result
    When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

    &Law of Biomechanics
    The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    & Law of the Theater
    At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

    & The Starbucks Law
    As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

    & Murphy's Law of Lockers
    If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

    & Law of Physical Surfaces
    The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

    & Law of Logical Argument
    Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

    & Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
    If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

    & Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
    A closed mouth gathers no feet.

    & Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
    As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

    & Doctors' Law
    If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
    & Good Food Law
    The better something tastes, the greater the probability that it is bad for you.
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century


  2. #2
    Member Array artemis28's Avatar
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    Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
    As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
    That one drives me nuts!
    Pretty funny and all true

  3. #3
    VIP Member Array rodc13's Avatar
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    Cole's Law
    Thinly sliced cabbage with mayo.
    Cheers,
    Rod
    "We're paratroopers. We're supposed to be surrounded!" Dick Winters

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    Quote Originally Posted by rodc13 View Post
    Cole's Law
    Thinly sliced cabbage with mayo.
    That was good.
    I havenít heard any of the journalists who volunteered to be waterboarded asking to have their fingernails wrenched out with pliers, or electrodes attached to their genitals.

  5. #5
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    -Bark'n
    Semper Fi


    "The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."

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    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    1) The odds of a dropped part rolling into an inaccessable spot is directly proportional to its importance.

    2) After you secure the cover with 35 screws, you'll realize you left out the gasket.

    3) If "all rules are made to be broken" is a rule, where does that leave us?

    4) What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

  7. #7
    VIP Member Array sgtD's Avatar
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    The law of single women:

    No matter how good looking she is, if she's single, then some man somewhere is tired of putting up with her.

    (Disclaimer: yes ladies, this also applies to single men)
    When you've got 'em by the balls, their hearts & minds will follow. Semper Fi.

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    Member Array Army22rpr's Avatar
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    "Cole's Law- Thinly sliced cabbage with mayo."

    You're killing me!
    Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.- George Washington
    Serving Since 1985- "Airborne"

  9. #9
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    The other lane (checkout, highway, bank, etc.) always moves faster.
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

  10. #10
    Senior Member Array Sergeant Mac's Avatar
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    Incoming fire has the right of way.

    Friendly fire.....isn't.

    If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU.

  11. #11
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sergeant Mac View Post
    Friendly fire.....isn't.

    I agree with that one. The only friendly fire that I know of is the one you toast marshmallows and sing songs around.
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

  12. #12
    Member Array ouch's Avatar
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    Those are good to bad they all seem to be true

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