Baptist Dog

This is a discussion on Baptist Dog within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Baptist Dog A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also ...

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Thread: Baptist Dog

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Talking Baptist Dog

    Baptist Dog

    A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted.

    The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. 'Fetch the Bible,' he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. 'Now find Psalm 23' he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor and showing the marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and found the correct passage, then pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit.

    The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. Finally, one man asked, 'Can he do regular dog tricks, too?' 'I haven't tried yet,' the past or replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. 'HEEL!' the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, 'Good Lord! He's Pentecostal.'
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

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    Member Array witness9mm's Avatar
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    that was hilarious.
    “ If our defense be the real object of having those arms, in whose hands can they be trusted with more propriety, or equal safety to us, as in our own hands?” - Patrick Henry

    I dont mean to sound selfish, but stop what you're doing and focus on me. - Janitor

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    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
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    ROFLMAO At the risk of another caution from the mods ill post my favorite Baptist joke , well one of them lol and no disrespect ment , it is more a parable than an actual joke .

    Can anyone here tell me just why one should allways take TWO or more Baptist fishing ?......

    Well if you take two or more they wont drink any of your beer , if you take one he will drink more than his share and then " swear you not to tell his wife " LOL .
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
    We only begin to understand folks after we stop and think .

    Criminals are looking for victims, not opponents.

  5. #4
    VIP Member Array Paco's Avatar
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    I am Baptist and love this, although I'll drink your beer no matter how many other Baptists are there (Preacher's Kid)

    My Dad always told this joke (he is a Ret. Minister):

    Why don't Baptists have sex standing up?


    So no one will think they are dancing!!

    It is much funnier to see a Baptist Preacher tell it.

    And remember, wherever there are 4 Baptists, there is always a fifth of something!
    "Don't hit a man if you can possibly avoid it; but if you do hit him, put him to sleep." - Theodore Roosevelt

    -Paco
    http://www.shieldsd.net

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    VIP Member Array artz's Avatar
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    LOL....
    " Refuse to be a victim, make sure there is a round chambered ! "

    Just call me a pessimistic optimist !

    U.S. Navy vet 1981-1992

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    -Bark'n
    Semper Fi


    "The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."

  8. #7
    Member Array jerm1109's Avatar
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    Now thats funny!!
    The beauty of the Second Amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it.
    --Thomas Jefferson

    “We are not retreating—we are advancing in another direction.”
    General Douglas MacArthur

  9. #8
    Member Array BUTCH69's Avatar
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    I like it, and the beer too, Paco.
    Jesus's first recorded miracle was turning water into wine at the wedding, and it wasn't welch's either.
    Special shout out to witness and jerm1109, sundance and I say howdy

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