My happy neighbor

This is a discussion on My happy neighbor within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I have a sitcom like tradition in my life. I've always lived (as an adult) underneath a heavy set black man. FYI I'm as white ...

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Thread: My happy neighbor

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Euclidean's Avatar
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    My happy neighbor

    I have a sitcom like tradition in my life. I've always lived (as an adult) underneath a heavy set black man. FYI I'm as white as toilet paper.

    All of them have a longstanding tradition. They all make loud, weird, or otherwise audible and curious noises.

    My first upstairs neighbor of this sort never directly bothered me. He looked odd. The man looked like a billiard ball with sticks for arms and legs stuck into it. He drove a $1900 car with a $4000 stereo in it. You see, he was a music lover.

    He played all sorts of music at all hours at glass shattering volumes. One night techno, the next night opera, then the next night techno opera. Oh, and he had a vocal group too apparently. Three other black guys would often come over drunk as all get out, but those guys could sing! That actually wasn't too bad.

    He also was a little different. One night, suffering from insomnia as I sometimes do, I heard him come in at 2 AM. Keep in mind I am TRYING to sleep. I don't like my insomnia when I have to be up at 5:30 AM and all that rot.

    Anyway there's someone with him. I hear them make their way to the bedroom, and there's the old creaking bed sound effect and then an audible low pitched grunt. And then I hear another voice... and it too is an audible low pitched grunt. I don't mean to open a can of worms here, but I think we can all agree sitting there and listening to that when you really really didn't want to is just wrong. To this day I just tell myself that it was just a big girl... yeah that's the ticket before an image I can never unimagine burns its way into my retina...

    My next neighbor was much worse. He was a mountain of a man and was never not at home. I think he lived off of welfare checks. He liked to, and I kid thee not, knock over his bookself, flip it over, and then set it back up again. ALL THE TIME.

    I never saw him without a Colt 45 (the malt liquour not Browning's classic pistol). He smelled rancid and had a large contingent of loud drunk friends who came and went at all hours. His drunk friends used to try to open the door to my apartment thinking it was his. I got in the habit of sitting there in my chair with my Mossberg across my lap in the evenings. If any of them ever went beyond rattling my knob they were getting a mouth full of steel shot.

    I signed several complaints against him, but thankfull then moved.

    My current neighbor is the best of the lot by a long shot. Gary has a job fixing dishwashers or something and it must pay all right because these units are income restricted (you have to make something like 10 times the rent, they're actually not that expensive but they can be real picky about who their renters are). The only reason I can live here is because I'm a teacher and I don't have to meet that requirement.

    Anyway Gary likes to make furniture. In his living room. Yep. It's actually not very loud. There's a little hammering sometimes and the soft whir of a circular saw, but he always stops by 8 PM. He's also the only one to ever ask me if he could make the noises. He does most of it while I'm at work anyway.

    He's a little odd but unlike the others, he's always very busy. The weird thing is, his apartment doesn't have any furniture in it except for whatever he's currently making. He has a mattress and a TV and all the appliances you'd expect but it's all spilled out on the floor.

    And the man MAKES FURNITURE.

    Now why is he my happy neighbor?

    Because, and I quote,

    "Man I love living with you white folks! You all so quiet and you keep to yo' own damn bidness!"
    So there you go. My life is a sitcom.

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array Bud White's Avatar
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    lol some neighbors are good then ya get the white trash like whats across the street from me these are real winners here

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    FYI I'm as white as toilet paper
    Euc - hehe - may I qualify that as ''factory fresh'' toilet paper LOL?!!

    Sorry folks - flippancy getting the better of me as I approach bedtime

    Oh and - Gary sounds like a good dude to have as a neighbor
    Chris - P95
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    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


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    Senior Member Array gregarat's Avatar
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    Im now out of a neighborhood where there is collage kids partying hard up to 5:00 am. Talk about a pain.. Although I did work during the late night shifts more often then. So it could be worse.

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    You should have given Betty neighbor classes!
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

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    Member Array standles's Avatar
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    Solution to loud obnoxious music is to ask nicely a couple of times for them to keep it down.

    If that doesn't work then simply catch them not at home and pull the meter base from thier power pole. Toss is someplace non-incriminating.

    Yet Another variation if you have two or more offnders is to swap meter bases. Power compnay thinks thier cheating thier bills.

  8. #7
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    You should have given Betty neighbor classes!
    Don't..get....me..started.... (starts twitching)

    I am so happy I've moved in with Mrshonts. Besides the obvious reasons, the neighbor in my previous location had a complete surround sound system and used her master bedroom (on the other side of the wall from my master bedroom) as her rec room. At all hours of the night and into the wee hours of the morning - walls vibrating to bass thumps. Peaceful negotiations did not work, management going into her unit repeatedly to turn down the volume did not work, and the police couldn't do a thing because she turned it down when they arrived.

    And then she would routinely abuse her boyfriend by screaming at him at the top of her lungs, all of which I could hear through my walls. And she hits him. Sometimes I would hear WHUMP THUMP WHAM! There's a herd of hippos playing football over there. When they would fight, they would really crank up the volume. Sometimes I would hear her sob hysterically through the walls, but they would always be back together the next day, and end their fights with "You know I love you, baby."

    Insomnia and stress was starting to take a toll on me. My neighbor was a miserable, unhappy person, and wanted everybody down at her level. And that's when I realized I'm almost at the peak of my happiness - I'm getting married in a few months to a wonderful man, and we never, ever scream and yell at each other. She's not taking me down, and she's not going to ruin my happiness. Half my furniture was moved out by then.

    Euc, I'm really glad you have a new neighbor that you can like. Nobody needs bad neighbor stress.
    "Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don't have a gun, freedom of speech has no power." - Yoshimi Ishikawa

  9. #8
    Member Array soflasmg's Avatar
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    Just remember next time you hear noises when you cant sleep ....

    Two big fat giant men of a specially protected group right above your head
    Last edited by soflasmg; November 24th, 2005 at 11:23 AM.
    The Marshmallowist

  10. #9
    Member Array Fjolnirsson's Avatar
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    Heh, you want bad neighbor stories?
    I'll play....
    Back in Feb of 2000, my wife and I bought our first home. It was a very nice, very quiet neighborhood. Tree lined streets and all that. When the agent showed it to us, we were told the owner hadn't told the neighbors of her move, due to a long standing friendship and not wanting to upset them. Ok, no problem, we don't act as though we are buyers, just old friends here to see the lady. We buy the house and move in. A few weeks later, the neighbor 3 houses down gets out of county jail.
    The first thing he does is return his front yard to it's formerly white trash state. Boat in the yard, beer cans all over the sidewalk, numerous non running vehicles strewn about the surrounding neighborhood. But, so long as he doesn't bother me, I don't care. Then the drug deals started. Again, whatever. Except that we now have folks who pull up in front of his house, bass thumping, and yell for him.
    At one point, my wife was out in the yard weeding, and as this guy walks by, he calls her a Fing B***h. She stands up and asks what he said, and he leaves. From then, it was like a war. I really can't describe this guy. We tried everything we could to mind our own business and get this guy to leave us alone. He made threats against my wife and I, our dogs, our cats, harrassed our guests. Constant loud, drunken noise coming down the street.
    We got his record. two time felon, for assault with a deadly and drug sales. We get a temorary restraining order, which nobody would serve. We had a friend who would have, but it would have been bad. "Tiny" would have flattened him, which would have gotten "Tiny" put in jail. The process server we hired wouldn't, because of the large agressive pit bull chained in the yard. We got the poice to try.
    "Steve? Steve doesn't live here", was the response every time. We tried for 3 weeks to get him served, every time we saw him home, we'd call the cops to serve him. "Steve doesn't live here".
    We had to drop the order, because we couldn't afford the time off of work to show up in court every Friday for an extension.
    He threatened me, he threatened my wife. Yelled obscenities at us when we'd come outside.
    All the cops knew him, and the code enforcement officer was constantly towing his cars. He constantly replaced them.
    BTW, CCW in ContraCosta County, CA is like a fairy tale. The sheriff was actually sued years back by Jim March for refusal to even give out applications. He's publicly stated that he wouldn't even grant CCW to retired deputies if not for state law forcing it.
    We lived four years with the ever present threat of a fight with this %$*&! It wasn't a matter of fear(I had no doubt I could take himin a fight), so much as it was like living behind enemy lines, knowing that I had everything to lose, and he had nothing.
    Finally, I was taking the trash out one night(armed, as usual on my property). I was in condition white and a half, having a "garbage moment", when I heard claws on pavement. I looked up to see a pit bull charging, about 100 feet and closing. I'm in the middle of my yard, nowhere to go. I drew, aimed and was squeezing the trigger, when I heard a whistle, and the dog stopped. It was Steve's dog, and he'd called it off. Never had any more trouble.
    One morning, while in bed around 2am, I was awakened by screaming and the sound of blows. Steve was beating his wife in the neighbors driveway. Called the cops, he went to jail. Prison, actually, as when they interviewed the wife and kids, they found a gun in the home. Thrid strike, goodbye!
    That's the abridged version. It was much worse. I can't describe the stress of living that way, and there is much I left out.
    "Water can flow, or it can crash. Be like water, my friend."-Bruce Lee

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    "Luck, often enough, will save a man if his courage does hold."

  11. #10
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    Fjol - thankfully never had quite what you had but hey - still had a years long ''problem'' with a guy who lived opposite me in UK - I will not bore you or others with the hassles and factors - suffice it to say I do most certainly identify with the stress factor, and the ''behind enemy lines'' deal.

    One of the most frustrating aspects is often that we - the normal folks, just wanting a peaceful life - cannot seem to get the message thru on a rational level - the other party basically does not or will not listen to reason and polite requests. Arggghhhh! Why do they breed!

    Great you are free of that now - and hopefully no more.
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

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    Member Array Fjolnirsson's Avatar
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    Great you are free of that now - and hopefully no more.
    Funny thing is, we were already in the midst of selling the house when we got rid of the guy. Moved to Oregon. It's great.
    "Water can flow, or it can crash. Be like water, my friend."-Bruce Lee

    My Blog

    "Luck, often enough, will save a man if his courage does hold."

  13. #12
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    Fjolnirsson

    That was pretty damn bad. Terrible.
    I've had a few mildly bad neighbors but, none like yours & none like that winner that Betty had.

    Luckily where I live now there is a borough noise ordnance.
    No Noise after 10PM.
    That even includes laughing and loud talking outside.
    And our great Police Force will actually respond and enforce it.
    So...I call the cops & they are always right on it.
    If people are playing loud music after 10 with their house or apt. windows open then they get two Police warnings the 3rd time the apartment owner gets contacted by the PD & must start the eviction procedure.

    I love it here...it's always quiet.
    Liberty Over Tyranny Μολὼν λαβέ

  14. #13
    Member Array Gary Brommeland's Avatar
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    Hi all!

    The stories that ya'll have shared (along with a few experiences of my own) illustrate EXACTLY why I just bought 45 acres and live in the middle of it. I've always been a "live and let live" sort of neighbor, but at this stage of life I am just unwilling to tolerate living next to someone with crainial/fecal impaction.

  15. #14
    Lead Moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gary Brommeland
    EXACTLY why I just bought 45 acres and live in the middle of it.
    Hopefully I'll be able to find something like that when I retire! Sounds wonderful.
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

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