Dating, the man pays
This is a discussion on Dating, the man pays within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Ok, Just looking for other opinions on this. I would love to hear some womens input on this.
I've been widowed for over 15 years. ...
July 27th, 2008 02:09 PM
Dating, the man pays
Ok, Just looking for other opinions on this. I would love to hear some womens input on this.
I've been widowed for over 15 years. I've had several serious relationships ( 1-3 years ).
Why is is that in a relationship, the man has to pay for everything? Even after dating for a long time. Anything we want to do, even if it's her idea, I have to pay double.
I went out on a date not long ago. We met ( blind date kinda thing )at a restuarant to have a drink. She had already had a drink before I got there. We ordered Orderves ( yeah I know , wrong spelling ), and I had a beer. We hit it off but when it was time to go, She just got up and left ,sticking me with the bill. Now the way I see it, we both wanted to meet equally, but because my sex organs are on the outside, I had to pay. We went out another time , went to dinner and again she made no offer to pay. I would have probably paid anyway, but she didnt even offer. It's like its just assumed, "I pay"..
Now heres the situation with this woman. We are the same age, she's single, I'm single, she works, I work, she's raising a child, I'm raising a child, she owns a house, I own a house. We're both struggling equally..I never called her again. Times have changed. It's not the Cleaver era anymore. Both men and women work nowadays.
I dont even want to date anymore because I cant afford to date or have a girlfriend. Women want equal rights until it comes to paying half of whatever we do. I've had one girlfriend that insisted on paying half of everything. Man I miss her !!!!!!!!!!!
July 27th, 2008 02:22 PM
I'm sure I'm an old fashioned guy but if I were dating a lady I'd expect to pay.
July 27th, 2008 02:32 PM
Thats called the bed tax. You gotta pay if you want to get her in bed!
July 27th, 2008 02:33 PM
Yep, me too...and I still open the door for her, too.
Originally Posted by wmhawth
July 27th, 2008 02:36 PM
I have my beliefs, but I'm not in the "dating" scene anymore so I won't comment.
But I do feel for ya kentuckycarry...
With the cost of todays dinner, drinks and entertainment (movies, concert, live theater performance) prices, a guy could go broke paying 100% of cost for EVERY date.
"The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."
July 27th, 2008 03:33 PM
kentuckycarry I hear you loud and clear. I believe in paying and holding car doors and all the rest. But when you pay for everything and they sit back. They suggest the restaurant with the 7-8 $ drinks + the dinner and you pick up the tab on everything fuel entertainment etc. It would be nice if they bought one drink. I think some of them look for a sucker to take them out. One girl I know says she is going out for a free meal and always ask me to call her. I don't think so. In Woman's defence and I met some who were more than fair, there are also some guy's that sit back and take advantage of Woman. Good luck. You will find the right one.
July 27th, 2008 03:49 PM
I've found that many women are "professional daters" and all you are to them is a nice meal out for free.
"Naked and Starving as They are We Cannot Enough Admire the Incomparable Patience and Fidelity of the Soldiery" – George Washington, Valley Forge, 1777.
July 27th, 2008 04:14 PM
In general, the rule of etiquette is the host provides for the guest. If you invite someone to dinner, they're your guest, so you pay. Unless you specifically invite them to join you for a non-date meal, you're the host. The host pays.
The host also chooses the venue. If you can't afford any more than Whataburger, then that's where you take your date. Don't pick something you can't afford and expect your guest to pick up the slack.
The same applies when you invite people to your home. Your guests are under no obligation to provide anything. They may choose to bring a gift for the host, but there's no requirement.
If you're invited out by someone else, then you're the guest. It's their obligation as the host to provide for you. Decades ago, it was unthinkable that a woman would invite a man out. This hasn't been the case for some time.
If you want to go out with someone and split the cost, then tell them that if they go out with you, they're not really your guest, and you expect them to pay their way.
Being a gentleman, as either guest or host, while not always common, is always in style. This doesn't entitle you to anything. It's just what you should be doing anyway.
"We're paratroopers. We're supposed to be surrounded!" Dick Winters
July 27th, 2008 04:29 PM
Even though I am quite young compared to most people here (22) I am old fashioned as well. I expect to pay for everything, but my GF offers sometimes to pay. I let her every once in a while. It sounds like the OP is just gettin taken to the cleaners for a date. If you can find something to do that isn't horribly expensive and you can both enjoy it, then by all means do that. But a woman who offers to pay every once in a while is great.
Better to die on your feet, than to live on your knees.
July 27th, 2008 04:38 PM
None of your 'dates' have ever invited you over for a home-cooked meal?
Sounds like someone put your name up in a public restroom..."For a free meal, call..."
I'm glad I'll never be in that situation again, I do not envy your position.
I'd find a new dating circle of friends.
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July 27th, 2008 04:51 PM
My best buddy in high school (we graduated in 1982) had this theory:
"One way or another, ya gots ta PAY..."
July 27th, 2008 04:55 PM
Bring her home and cook, send the kid off to grandparents, or babysitters.
Pack a picnic and head to the beach,lake, river, etc. That can't be that expensive
Spend a day fishing
There are plenty of things that you can do that don't cost an arm and a leg. Trust me, my GF and I have had to be very creative as the finances are somewhat...umm....short lately.
Better to die on your feet, than to live on your knees.
July 27th, 2008 05:00 PM
Haven't been single for quite a while, but it does sound like you are choosing the higher maintenance type of gal, and with that the higher costs incurred therein.
When my husband and I were dating, I would pay for part and he would pay for part, sometimes not at the same time but it usually equaled out. Say we went to play pool, he might get the table, but I would buy the beer...
I have to agree with EW3, sounds like you might be gettin' taken...
You may want to look for a more humble sort. Not as flashy on the arm, but definitely easier on the wallet!
"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."
"SA is a cognitive state or process associated with the assessment of multiple environmental cues in a dynamic situation" ~ Isaac
July 27th, 2008 06:58 PM
I'm not getting "taken" . Other guys I talk to say the same thing. Most people responding are talking about just going out on a date or two, I'm talking relationships too. The girl I talked about meeting with, it wasnt a "date" it was a "meeting".If you're in a relationship and we decide to go out for dinner or go to a concert, or go out of town or anything, the guy is expected to pay for everything.
Another time a good friend of mine set me up with a girl. My friend told her " this is not a date". But yet, she got up afterwords and stuck me with the bill..
The suggestions of " doing something cheaper" like cooking at home is irrelevant. All couples are going to go out and do things now and then.
Others have said " I guess I'm old fashioned so I pay" , that's my point exactly. Old fashioned is over. Both men and women work. I struggle just as hard as they do being a single parent.
If I go out on a date and like the girl and feel like I'd like a relationship with her, it's going to take my bank account to do so while she is on easy street.. I'm not a tight wad and I believe in treating a lady like a lady etc, but why does the man have to go broke? This isn't Mayfield on Leave it to Beaver anymore.
July 27th, 2008 07:05 PM
I totally dissagree. The women I've dated make the same or less money than I do. Nothing flashy about them. It's just "expected" because I'm a man.
Originally Posted by 2AMomma
I've had a relationship with one woman in 17 years that insisted on paying half of everything. Not good odds.
It's frustrating to a single father knowing if I date, I may not be able to pay my bills. Women dont have to worry about it.
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