Diary of a snow shoveller

This is a discussion on Diary of a snow shoveller within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; One of my all time favorites, you folks up North should appreciate this: December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of ...

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Thread: Diary of a snow shoveller

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    VIP Member Array maclean3's Avatar
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    Diary of a snow shoveller

    One of my all time favorites, you folks up North should appreciate this:

    December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

    December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

    December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

    December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

    December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

    December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my a** on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

    December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

    December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the darned stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Darned snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

    December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white s*** fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the a****** is lying.

    December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's damn well lying.

    December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the *** ** * ***** who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the damn snowplow.

    December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.

    December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

    December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

    December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE B**** is driving me crazy!!!

    December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

    December 30: Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

    December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

    January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

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    maclean3

    Great! I CAN relate to it.
    I have so much sidewalk around my house it's unreal.
    My snow thrower is shot as of two years ago.
    I hate the idea of plunking down the equivalent $$$ of 3/4 of a nice, new handgun to buy yet another one.
    The "Chemical Ice Melter" that folks spread out everywhere kills my dogs paws...to the point where she starts limping & whimpering every time I attempt to take her out for a walk.
    Since I'm in an end corner house the snow plow never fails to deposit a small mountain of hard packed snow that perfectly blocks my vehicle in...twice a day & three times every night.
    Columbia Gas just raised our prices 56% so the "home heating bill" should be very interesting this year. :bigeyes2:
    Oh...I could go on & on....I hate Winter...but, I love it too.
    It's truly a LOVE~HATE relationship.
    Liberty Over Tyranny Μολὼν λαβέ

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    VIP Member Array Bud White's Avatar
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    Come january thats about how it feels here

    We got our first snow yesterday and ever one else forgot how to drive accidents everywhere

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    We got our first flurries last night, like the start of the thread, it's all gone now! Of course around here it seems that no matter how nice the snow starts it always ends up as freezing rain.
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

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    That's why we moved to Florida, rstickle. When it's snowing in Gaithersburg this winter, I'll be at the pool..... :D

    Matt

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    Quote Originally Posted by MattLarson
    That's why we moved to Florida, rstickle. When it's snowing in Gaithersburg this winter, I'll be at the pool..... :D

    Matt
    I thought about that for about 30 seconds, but I just like "Seasons" to much to give them up. Probably move just a little further north, like Pennsylvania!
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

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    Yep - come up here a bit Rick - solves a big carry problem

    We had some snow overnight and most of today will be strong wind and flurries - I guess 2" or so on ground but above freezing right now so melting a bit.

    Don't forget folks - PA has only 2 seasons - winter and construction

    That piece Jack is a classic - and cracks me up every time I read it - good timing to post it!
    Chris - P95
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    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


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    we have over as foot of snow the ground, by Febuary we are really looking foreward to mosquito season :-)
    The four seasons in South Central Alaska: too cold, too many mosquitos, I gotta clean HOW MANY SALMON? Hunting season(!)

    Happy Thanksgiving!
    Rob
    gotta go make sure the kids is getting his shoveling done...
    simplyrugged.com

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    Quote Originally Posted by P95Carry
    Don't forget folks - PA has only 2 seasons - winter and construction

    That piece Jack is a classic - and cracks me up every time I read it - good timing to post it!
    I always heard that "Pennsylvania" was a Native American word meaning "always under construction"!
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

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    Native American word meaning "always under construction"!
    It is Rick - it is, but so few know that!

    Penn actually had little to do with it all

    Few know too, that PennDOT is in fact - ''Pennsylvania Department of Travel (delays)"
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

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    VIP Member Array Bud White's Avatar
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    hey our state rock is the orange barrel and state animal is construction worker

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    White out blowing today here. Not much snow, maybe a foot, but lots of folks learning to handle snow again.

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    Diary of a michigan snow shoveller;

    December 8: 600 PM. THUMP! 6 feet of snow, plow trucks deployed. I go to the cellar, grab a case of beer, and hunker down for a long LONG winter.
    S&W 5906
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    protego communis bona

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    Talking

    65 deg and sunny. Think I'll go shooting! :Breakdanc
    Oh yeh? Well this was sent from the scary black electrical box under my desk, so there!
    "It aint how good you shoot, it's how cool you look doing it." [Fred Sayer 1994]
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    Senior Member Array dpesec's Avatar
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    doesn't the Constitution have a provision against Cruel and Unusal punishment. Don't talk about anything over freezing. ......
    grrrr
    Dave

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