Various strange personal questions.

This is a discussion on Various strange personal questions. within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Thanks for all the input and advise. Yeah..Am safe, or at least I think so..I do not think he will use force against me,but then ...

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Thread: Various strange personal questions.

  1. #16
    Ex Member Array Daniella's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the input and advise. Yeah..Am safe, or at least I think so..I do not think he will use force against me,but then again, up to a a week ago i did not think I would raise his voice towards me.

    We have been married for just over 9 years..we married young. Now I think maybe to young. We do have the resources for me to go to school..But lately we have been arguing on big but silly matters..Like cars, fix up our house and now, me going back to school..

    Quite frankly i am getting tired of the fighting but i might be my own fault for giving in way to easily in many matters..But! Enough with my bitching- I just wanted some input. Thanks a lot to all of you- and your blessings.

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  3. #17
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    There is a way to get him to counseling but forcing him to go at gunpoint can be counter productive
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

  4. #18
    Distinguished Member Array tinkerinWstuff's Avatar
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    If I could make a suggestion, I would suggest playing into his pride. Telling him you would like to go to joint counseling because you feel that "you" are having a problem communicating with him and that you would like to get better. Maybe try not to approach it with the attitude that "we" have a problem because it sounds like he may just get defensive and likely refuse to go.

    Obviously, most of us here believe that communication is a two way street. And while you may have to tailor your methods and approaches for different people and personalities, both people must want to communicate.

    It clearly sounds like HE could benefit from the counseling, but if you make it about "him" or "us", I'd bet money he'll deny he has a problem or needs counseling. So, I'm saying, if you want to get him to counseling, then take the highroad and claim that you feel you would benefit from it and having him there to help you. There will be plenty of time for a skilled counselor to help him see the error in his ways as well.

    Good luck. Stay strong. Glad you are talking to people and I hope you'll feel comfortable comming back and letting us know how you are doing.
    "Run for your life from the man who tells you that money is evil. That sentence is the leper's bell of an approaching looter. So long as men live together on earth and need means to deal with one another-their only substitute, if they abandon money, is the muzzle of a gun."

    Who is John Galt?

  5. #19
    Distinguished Member Array tinkerinWstuff's Avatar
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    When I met my GF, she was divorced 2 years. Her and her X went to joint counseling for a couple years and weren't able to save the marriage. She continued to go to counseling every couple months well into our relationship.

    I think she'd tell you that counseling really helped her understand herself. Understand what she wants, why she is who she is, and how to better communicate with those around her. At first, I was a little insecure about why she needed to keep seeing a counselor after we were together. I was a little worried that she'd talk with him about feelings or potential problems before sharing with me. I didn't like that there could be some other man out there talking and influencing her on our relationship (my own past issues brought gift wrapped to the relationship). Maybe I even felt like I should be the one to help her (the whole Knight in Shining Armor bit). But, we talked about it. She knew about my feelings and she was willing to share the things they talked about. Most of it by this point was about her career path and problems at work. And really, we didn't have any problems. Dating over a year and we've yet to have a "fight". As soon as my property sells in WI, she'll be getting a ring and we've been discussing children.

    Anyway.. I got over my insecurities about her going to counseling and became thankful she had an unbiased and trusted person to hash things out with. I realized that I'm the second most benefactor (behind her) to all the soul searching she had done with the counselor. I also came to realize, if there was a problem, I'd probably be better off if she discussed it with him than some man hater girlfriend with a chip on her shoulder.

    So whether you can or cannot get him to attend counseling with you, remember that you only have control over your own attitudes and actions. You have everything to gain and nothing to loose by having a professional counselor help guide you to a better understanding of yourself. Kind of like guns, if you don't like the first one you meet, try another. One size doesn't fit all and if you don't feel comfortable then move on to another professional regardless of how well the first one was recommended.
    "Run for your life from the man who tells you that money is evil. That sentence is the leper's bell of an approaching looter. So long as men live together on earth and need means to deal with one another-their only substitute, if they abandon money, is the muzzle of a gun."

    Who is John Galt?

  6. #20
    Distinguished Member Array SixBravo's Avatar
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    Daniella, sorry to hear about this. We've been trading PM's on school for awhile. I'm sorry to hear this. I'm pulling for you but I'm single so I won't comment or even try to give advice otherwise. Best of luck to you and I hope you both can find a common ground.
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  7. #21
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    One thing I can see is I thing he may be insecure in your realationship,he may see you returning to school as #1 a way to becoming more independent and #2 a way to meet new people.I think he is having thoughts of you bettering yourself and possibly leaving him in the future.I find that men who try to control their wives in time push them away by being emotionally and then physically controlling.When somebody starts yelling It's an attempt to control the conversation and to basically shut it down as in if to say this is what i think and that's it.As others have said a lot of times DV starts verbally,either by yelling then threats until it may become physical,if it ever escalates to either threats of violence or actual physical violence then you need to take action and protect yourself,Have you ever noticed any type of possible control or DV issues in his family as far as any issues with mom/dad any alcoholism/drug addiction.I'm not a counselor but I did sleep in a motel 6 once.Seriously I've seen guys that as long as the woman does what they want everything is great but as soon as they try to become independent it's like jekyll and hyde
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

  8. #22
    VIP Member Array TN_Mike's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daniella View Post
    And I am not used to a lot of fighting so let me ask you,how much do you and your partner fight during a week?

    Thanks for all input and responds.
    First off, I am very sorry to hear that you are having the problems you are having Daniella.

    Second, my wife and I have been married for 19 years this Aug. 19th. We generally do not fight during the week or the weekend. We have a partnership, it's two sided. We both give and take and if she wanted to go back to school I would bust my butt and work a second job if need be to make that happen.

    I can't tell you why your husband is reacting the way he is. But I can tell you, from my way of thinking, it isn't normal to treat someone whom you have pledged to support and love that way.

    Good luck to you.
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  9. #23
    Member Array cpmiv's Avatar
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    It's always terrible to hear about relationship problems. I've had and am having them as well. So far I'm about in same boat as you are so my best advise is communication and forgiveness.

    For quite a long period of time my wife and I weren't "arguing" but we weren't agreeing either which left us both neglecting each other. We started counseling but counselors are a mixed bag. Some are good some are bad and some appeal / side with one spouse or the other. Not a good situation. The best thing so far that I've found to help myself (and hopefully help my spouse) is a book. It was recommended to my wife by our family Doc. I read it and it wasn't one of those "changed my life" moments but more of "you &^%%& what have you been doing".

    Give it a try.

    Amazon.com: Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs: Emerson Eggerichs: Books

    That and having someone to talk to are important.

    Good luck and my God be with you.
    There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation. That's one firearm for every twelve people on the planet. The only question is: How do we arm the other 11? (Yuri Orlov [Nicolas Cage] Lord of War)

  10. #24
    Distinguished Member Array Tally XD's Avatar
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    I suggest listening to Dave Ramsey about financial peace. Might even call him up and ask hime what he advises. Sounds like money problems is the root of your ills.
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