The Rules for Living in Texas

The Rules for Living in Texas

This is a discussion on The Rules for Living in Texas within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Here are a few rules that we require everyone to follow when livign in Texas, unfortunately some of them are not enforced as much as ...

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Thread: The Rules for Living in Texas

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Paco's Avatar
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    The Rules for Living in Texas

    Here are a few rules that we require everyone to follow when livign in Texas, unfortunately some of them are not enforced as much as they should be:

    1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
    2. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
    3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
    4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
    5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
    6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at! the time.
    7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
    8. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
    9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
    10. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
    11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce!! Oh, yeah, we don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat. IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in San Antonio and real chili never met a bean!
    12. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
    13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
    14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
    15. Colleges? Try Texas Tech, Texas A&M or University of Texas They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
    16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so 'Don't Mess with Texas .' If you do, you will get whupped by the best.
    17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said: ' Texas can make it without the United States , but the United States can't make it without Texas !'


    Now some of these we have exported to other Southern states, to be neighborly.
    "Don't hit a man if you can possibly avoid it; but if you do hit him, put him to sleep." - Theodore Roosevelt

    -Paco
    http://www.shieldsd.net


  2. #2
    Distinguished Member Array Agave's Avatar
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    If it weren't for us Tennesseans, Texans would be Mexicans.
    The preceding post may contain sarcasm; it's just better that way. However, it is still intended with construction and with the Love of my L-rd Y'shua.

    NRA Certified Pistol Instructor, Tennessee Certified Instructor

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    VIP Member Array ron8903's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Agave View Post
    If it weren't for us Tennesseans, Texans would be Mexicans.
    Good one
    "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
    - Sir Winston Churchill

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    Senior Member Array 762's Avatar
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    I'd fit right in...
    Let's Roll - Todd Beamer

    MOΛΩN ΛABÉ

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    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    So this old Jewish guy is passing through Texas and stop to talk with a rancher.

    The rancher says, "I can get in my car, drive for 3 hours and still not reach the end of my property."

    The Jewish man replies, "Yeah, I used to have a car like that too!"
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

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    Senior Member Array dunndw's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Agave View Post
    If it weren't for us Tennesseans, Texans would be Mexicans.
    AMEN
    "If I was an extremist, our founding fathers would all be extremists," he said. "Without them, we wouldn't have our independence. We'd be a disarmed British system of feudal subjectivity."

  7. #7
    VIP Member Array Paco's Avatar
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    We certainly do "preshate" it!
    "Don't hit a man if you can possibly avoid it; but if you do hit him, put him to sleep." - Theodore Roosevelt

    -Paco
    http://www.shieldsd.net

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    Member Array artemis28's Avatar
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    Can Florida borrow a couple of those?

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    I love how my home town is specifically singled out the Texans, it's ok, I prefer real chili anyways.
    Fortes Fortuna Juvat

    Former, USMC 0311, OIF/OEF vet
    NRA Pistol/Rifle/Shotgun/Reloading Instructor, RSO, Ohio CHL Instructor

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    I gotta move!

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    Rumor has it that Paco is inviting us all over for the weekend, so we can see what's Texas is all about.
    Let's Roll - Todd Beamer

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  12. #12
    Distinguished Member Array P7fanatic's Avatar
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    Cool

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackJack View Post
    I gotta move!
    "The price of freedom is eternal vigilance." -Thomas Jefferson

    "Liberalism is a Mental Disorder." -Michael Savage

    GOOD Gun Control is being able to hit your target! -Myself

  13. #13
    VIP Member Array Paco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 762 View Post
    Rumor has it that Paco is inviting us all over for the weekend, so we can see what's Texas is all about.
    Come on over, we have plenty of room (for legal citizens anyway).

    We have anything you could want. Desert in the West, Mountains (actually just big hills) near the center, Beach in the south, and woodlands in the east. You go up North and from time to time they actually have this stuff I have heard about called Snow.
    "Don't hit a man if you can possibly avoid it; but if you do hit him, put him to sleep." - Theodore Roosevelt

    -Paco
    http://www.shieldsd.net

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    Senior Member Array DrLewall's Avatar
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    "God Bless Texas" Tim Mcgraw
    "Brains before Bullets"

  15. #15
    VIP Member Array Kerbouchard's Avatar
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    You forgot one...

    18. Surgeon Generals Warning: Criminal behavior has been proven to be hazardous to your health in the State of Texas.
    There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil.

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