My new answering machine message

My new answering machine message

This is a discussion on My new answering machine message within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; OK, while I am ranting, here is my new answering machine message. I thought of this after hearing this a million times on business and ...

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Thread: My new answering machine message

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array ExactlyMyPoint's Avatar
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    My new answering machine message

    OK, while I am ranting, here is my new answering machine message. I thought of this after hearing this a million times on business and organizations that I call and, well, frankly, I am sick of it.

    Hello. Thank you for calling the Smith residence. If you wish to continue in Spanish, well, you are just out of luck because we only speak English in this house. So leave a message at the beep in English and we will get back to you as soon as we can.
    Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse or Rapture....whichever comes first.


  2. #2
    Ex Member Array Ram Rod's Avatar
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    I take it you're not registered with the national do-not-call list? Yeah---it used to cost $5 a year through your state...now it's gone nationwide and it's free.
    https://www.donotcall.gov/

  3. #3
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    I'm on the PA. Do Not Call & The National.
    I've been on ever since way back when.
    We get NO telemarketing calls at all.
    Oh...maybe two a year and they hang up quick when you tell them you're on the Do Not Call. If you report them I think they get a thousand dollar fine.
    Liberty Over Tyranny Μολὼν λαβέ

  4. #4
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    Array RETSUPT99's Avatar
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    Thanks for the link...just registered both cell phones.
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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    Quote Originally Posted by QKShooter View Post
    I'm on the PA. Do Not Call & The National.
    I've been on ever since way back when.
    We get NO telemarketing calls at all.
    Oh...maybe two a year and they hang up quick when you tell them you're on the Do Not Call. If you report them I think they get a thousand dollar fine.
    Yup, we're on the lists and have had the same experience. When they do (rarely) call, I give them so much crap they can't wait to get off the phone....
    Bumper
    Coimhéad fearg fhear na foighde; Beware the anger of a patient man.

  6. #6
    VIP Member Array PatrioticRick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ram Rod View Post
    I take it you're not registered with the national do-not-call list? Yeah---it used to cost $5 a year through your state...now it's gone nationwide and it's free.
    https://www.donotcall.gov/
    At the same address you can report them too.

    Now I only get only get calls from polls or charities, to bad there's not a way to stop them too. Once you give to one suddenly their all calling.
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  7. #7
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    This works fairly well. You need to give your family and friends fair warning, but it's reasonably effective:
    I'm not in. If you'd like, leave a message. Please note that all calls are logged, and that solicitations and calls from unknown parties are not accepted and will not be returned. <beep>
    Call history is logged, too. Makes it very simple to get back to offensive organizations or individuals that are abusing the privilege.

    Mom doesn't take it well, but she'll get over it. The solicitations and garbage calls have all but stopped, since I made it that simple. No "press 1" requirement, either, as it seems pretty clear.
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    Senior Member Array rhinokrk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ram Rod View Post
    I take it you're not registered with the national do-not-call list? Yeah---it used to cost $5 a year through your state...now it's gone nationwide and it's free.
    https://www.donotcall.gov/
    Thanks for the link Sir, I forgot all about that.
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  9. #9
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    +1 on the Do Not Call list. I might get one or two calls every now and then but as QK stated, once you let them know you are in the List they leave you alone... specially if you demand to talk to a supervisor.

    Sometimes, the evil jerk in me misses telemarketers. I love to mess with them. One tale my wife loves to tell was one poor guy who called and asked for her. It was some local spanish speaking telemarketer and it went something like this:

    ME:"Hello?"
    TeleMarketer:"Good afternoon Sir, May I speak with Mrs. Miggy please?"
    ME:"And who is calling please?"
    TM:(In the guys best announcer's voice)"This is Jose and I have a gift for your wife."
    ME: (feigning a mild indignation)" You have WHAT for my wife?"
    TM:"A gift for her sir Sir." (Still very polite so I laid it on thick as I could)
    ME:"AND WHO THE *&^% ARE YOU TO BE GIVING GIFTS TO MY WIFE?!?!"
    TM:"Er... Sir.. It is not...."
    ME: (interrupting) "Who the *&^% are you? Her Lover? Is she cheating on me?"
    TM:"Sir I assure you...I... She..." (telemarketer choking words. Obviously this was not covered in training)
    ME:"You don't assure me squat boy! What is your name again? Where do you live? I am going to find you and kill you after I kill her! Mrs M! Where are you Witch? YOU ARE DEAD!"
    TM:<click>

    Never heard from that guy or his company ever again. Mrs Miggy laughed so hard she almost got a migraine
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  10. #10
    Member Array deadhawg's Avatar
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    My answering machine:

    Press 1 for english.
    Press 2 to hang up and call back when you learn to speak english.

    Ron

  11. #11
    Senior Member Array The Fish's Avatar
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    Best Telemarketer Response

    When our kids were teenagers,we had them answer telemarketers;
    I am sorry, they can't come to the phone, they are making love.

    Miggy;
    That's what I call really messing with their minds.
    " Keep On Packin' On The Bimah"

  12. #12
    Senior Member Array Sky Pilot's Avatar
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    I have been on the Do Not Call List since it went nationwide.
    Still get calls but not nearly as frequently.
    Got one on my cell phone and one spam text on my cell phone (yes, the cell is on Do Not Call also)
    Much, much better than before the list!
    "Deine Papieren bitte?" or "ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ !"
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  13. #13
    Distinguished Member Array CT-Mike's Avatar
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    I got tired of paying for spam text messages, so I called Verizon and had them block all incoming/outgoing text messages, no more fees. Kids weren't all that happy, but I told them if they wanted to text they could pay for their own cell plan.
    "The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield, and government to gain ground."

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    Senior Member Array DPro.40's Avatar
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    I've been on the Do not call list for some time now home and cell phones and it's helped out a great deal. In Missouri they're trying something new by saying their not a telemarketer and are just conducting surveys. I tell them if they call again, my next call will be the the AJ in Missouri. That usually stops it. Believe it or not, I had a place call be about being an organ donor. I felt they were rushing me.
    Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same.
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  15. #15
    VIP Member Array miklcolt45's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DPro.40 View Post
    I've been on the Do not call list for some time now home and cell phones and it's helped out a great deal. In Missouri they're trying something new by saying their not a telemarketer and are just conducting surveys. I tell them if they call again, my next call will be the the AJ in Missouri. That usually stops it. Believe it or not, I had a place call be about being an organ donor. I felt they were rushing me.
    Hey D,

    Don't worry. It's kind of like early signing with the military.
    You don't actually have to let go of the organs until you're done with them.
    He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliott

    The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
    Albert Einstein

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