Kids say the darnest things.

Kids say the darnest things.

This is a discussion on Kids say the darnest things. within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Me and Mason (my son) were in the grocery store. There was that soft murmor of shoppers going about their business. Was fairly quiet. Out ...

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Thread: Kids say the darnest things.

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Tubby45's Avatar
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    Kids say the darnest things.

    Me and Mason (my son) were in the grocery store. There was that soft murmor of shoppers going about their business. Was fairly quiet. Out of all the calm comes a little boy's voice at full volume:

    DADDY, IS THAT THE FAT LADY YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT?



    Another grocery store incident. My brother, his daughter (5yo at the time), and I are doing some quick shopping before a small get together. My bro and his wife raise their children to know the sexual parts of humans and to use their proper names (not "wee-wee"), but if she has questions, she must ask them at home in private.

    So we see this guy wearing flip flops and a speedo. My bro and I make some speedo torpedo jokes and such. His daughter said that man's penis is showing through his shorts. My brother told he they would talk about it later at home.

    So we finish up some shopping and get in line. Low and behold it's the speedo dude. Without skipping a beat, my neice taps him on the arm and proudly tells him "When I get home, my dad and I are going to talk about your penis".

    He was pretty embarrassed.
    07/02 FFL/SOT since 2006


  2. #2
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    Those are pretty funny
    “You can sway a thousand men by appealing to their prejudices quicker than you can convince one man by logic.”

    ― Robert A. Heinlein,

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    Senior Member Array joleary223's Avatar
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    That's priceless! I would have actually choked at the " Penis" remark.
    CRIME..... LAW DEFINES, POLICE ENFORCE, CITIZENS PREVENT!

    FOUR BOXES KEEP US FREE: [1] SOAP [2] BALLOT [3] JURY [4] AMMO!

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    Distinguished Member Array morintp's Avatar
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    Those are great!

    When my kids were younger, my friend and I took our kids to one of those places where the kids crawl through the tunnels and stuff. After we went to Burger King for lunch, and while we were sitting there a group of teenagers walked in, one of which had blue hair.

    My oldest daughter said very loudly, "Did you see that girl with blue hair?"
    My friend's daughter said (also very loud) "No it was green."

    They then discussed whether the hair was blue or green for the next few minutes. There was no stopping them, all my friend and I could do was laugh.
    64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.

  5. #5
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by morintp View Post
    Those are great!

    When my kids were younger, my friend and I took our kids to one of those places where the kids crawl through the tunnels and stuff. After we went to Burger King for lunch, and while we were sitting there a group of teenagers walked in, one of which had blue hair.

    My oldest daughter said very loudly, "Did you see that girl with blue hair?"
    My friend's daughter said (also very loud) "No it was green."

    They then discussed whether the hair was blue or green for the next few minutes. There was no stopping them, all my friend and I could do was laugh.
    Until you come home one day to a blue haired tattooed pierced daughter
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

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    Member Array Freakdaddy's Avatar
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    My daughter had just started Kindergarten and I was surprised at the amount of homework she had every night. Usually this just consisted of writing letters, numbers, etc. I got into the habit of helping her quite a bit with it and my ex-wife (still married at the time) said I was doing too much. One day after school, I asked my daughter if she had any homework. Of course she did but she hadn't done it yet. I told her she needed to do it but she made the comment that I could do it. At this point I realized my ex was right. I told her I knew how to write the letter "G" and she needed to learn herself. I said you'll learn through repitition and asked her if she knew what repitition meant. With a dead serious look, she said "Yeah, it means you're not going to do my homework". I just rolled !

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    Member Array keydet90's Avatar
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    Several years ago my bro was stationed at Ft. Benning GA, I went to visit him for a long weekend. My brother, his son (who was about 4 at the time) and me went to post to look around and to grab some lunch. We were all sitting at table eating. My brother and I were catching up as we had not seen each other in several months. My nephew was sitting there eating his burger and fries quietly. A young female walked by and my nephew just stared at her the whole time and said 'hubba hubba' very loudly and out of no where! The young lady stopped and came back to him to tell him how cute he was. It was quite a funny situation.

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    Ex Member Array FN1910's Avatar
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    Many years ago my oldest daughter was complaining about her back and my wife and I were looking at her. I said something about she may have scoliosis. My youngest daughter which was about three at the time was sitting at the table eating, looked up and said "Scoliosis, what the hell is that"? Neither my wife nor I use profanity especially around the children so it was a shock and all we could do to keep from busting out laughing. We both had to leave the room and let the laughter out before we could tell her that she should not talk like that.

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    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    I was driving with my son when he was about 5 or so (he's 30 now, so it tells you how long ago that was), and he was in the back seat.

    Out of nowhere he said to me, "daddy, can I have my liquor now"? I almost skidded the car off the road, pulled over, and asked him again what he wanted.

    He said, "My liquor that mommy gave me. It's in the bag on the floor."

    Now I'm having a panic attack, and as I open the bag, I can't help but laugh out loud. In the bag was his lollipop! Of course, what he meant was "his licker", and I, of course, heard "liquor".

    Will never forget that one!
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

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    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    We were at a private zoo in Kansas one time and my niece was about 2 we walked into an enclosed barn that housed rhinos and the stench of rhino poo hung heavy in the air,we were around about 10 other people when the "runt" spouts off out of nowhere "smells like sh** in here" I thought people were gonna pee themselves before we got out of there
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

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    VIP Member Array Eagleks's Avatar
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    Mine was when someone made comment & asked me about "carrying"..... my granddaughter jumped in and answered the question with this......

    "my granddad carries a gun because he loves us so much and wants to be able to protect us from anyone who may want to harm us".

    They didn't have any more questions.

    She asked me to some day teach her about guns and to shoot... "in case you are not around to protect me".

  12. #12
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eagleks View Post
    She asked me to some day teach her about guns and to shoot... "in case you are not around to protect me".
    Very smart granddaughter!
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

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    Senior Member Array ridurall's Avatar
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    When I was about 3 years old my parents and I were setting in church and the young lady in front of us farted. When the smell got to me I looked at Dad and announced pretty loudly that "Daddy you stink". Boy was he pissed. He never forgave Connie Jones for cutting that fart either.
    Life member NRA since 1983
    I carry a Kimber Ultra Carry II in a Crossbreed SuperTuck. My wife carries a Walther PPS .40 w/Crossbreed holster.

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    EW3
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    About 10 years ago I was sitting in front of my computer and had to reboot it. I was explaining to my 3 year old nephew "Well, you see, the computer has to wake up and it's trying to come alive again and it's kind of like magic", trying to help his young mind comprehend how it all worked.

    Without skipping a beat my nephew just looks at me and says

    "I know. It's LOADING"


    I gave another nephew, 2 years old, a piece of chocolate:

    "Mmmm...I love chocolate...tastes just like candy"
    "Naked and Starving as They are We Cannot Enough Admire the Incomparable Patience and Fidelity of the Soldiery" – George Washington, Valley Forge, 1777.

  15. #15
    New Member Array KsXDfan's Avatar
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    I have one that my daughter did to me......She was five at the time and her sister was one. We went to Salina Ks about three weeks before Christmas just the three of us to do some shopping while the wife was at her parents house. After lunch we went downtown to shop. We were walking to a store and out of the blue.....in a loud voice she says to me " if you set me on fire the police will come arrest you" This is with about 50 poeple on the sidewalk and EVERYONE stopped and stared at me...........holding the youngest one and looking at her with a look of horor I dont know what to do or say at this point so I say ummmm okay lets go in here. I was fully expecting an LEO to show up and invite in for some questioning. I found out later my brilliant wife was watching a movie and let her watch it with her about a father that set his son on fire. Raising girls is hard work...........no wonder I'm in the shape i'm now!

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