Keep your name!
This is a discussion on DefensiveCarry I need your help! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Your last name.... and congratulations......
Don 't Combine
Your last name....
Magazine <> clip - know the difference
martyr is a fancy name for crappy fighter
You have never lived until you have almost died. For those that have fought for it, life has a special flavor the protected will never know
It's your name. Keep it. If she wants to fight over it or just keep hers I wouldn't pitch too much of a fight, but I'd darn sure not change mine. Some say it's only a name. I say it's a part of you. Kind of like your word being your bond. If you renege on that, what's left?
Then there's that whole selfish aspect...think about how many cards, accounts, usernames, passwords, etc... you'd have to change.
At any rate, at least try to make sure you both agree and end up with the same name.
-The Mist (2007)"My God David, We're a Civilized society."
"Sure, As long as the machines are workin' and you can call 911. But you take those things away, you throw people in the dark, and you scare the crap out of them; no more rules...You'll see how primitive they can get."
It's an individual decision for both parties. Neither gets to decide for the other. I vote: both of you keep your same names. There's no requirement that any names be changed.
"We're paratroopers. We're supposed to be surrounded!" Dick Winters
Three things: First, a marriage is a unity. Two lives become entwined as one. You need to have one last name. It's a symbol of that unity and practically speaking it will make the paperwork easier (in the long run).
Second, you may not have thought about your kids. I assume you don't have any yet but you (probably) will. Having parents with two last names can be confusing for a child. You want your kids to have an identity. You want to build a family "team" that they can be proud of, and your team needs to be team Landers. Example: You catch your child lying. You don't say "we don't like liars in this family". You say "we are the Landers and we don't tell lies". I know it sounds cheesy but kids eat it up and they take it to heart. A last name means something and your children deserve the pride that the Landers name carries with it.
Third thing is only if you believe in God. His rule book says it should be your name.
"For the Lord your God will bless you in all your harvest and in all the work of your hands." Deuteronomy 16:15
Why are you looking for advice on a matter like this on a gun board?
"...bad decisions that turn out well often make heroes."
Gary D. Mitchell, A Sniper's Journey: The Truth About the Man and the Rifle, P. 103, NAL Caliber books, 2006, 1st Ed.
I have never in my life heard of a man taking his wife's surname....
The preceding post may contain sarcasm; it's just better that way. However, it is still intended with construction and with the Love of my L-rd Y'shua.
NRA Certified Pistol Instructor, World Drifter
I will never say I told you so... I promise that! I swear before the entire membership of DC that I will never say that!
But I come from an Italian household and I know Italian women! Not just my own relatives but because of the family, lots of Italian friends of the family.
And this is not a slam towards Italian women in any shape or form... They are truly Great! Passionate, smart, energetic and yes, even loyal. Very family oriented.
However... You will lose a lot of your identity in the long run. Oh, you may not think so now.... But trust me, once it's legal, it's a whole other world!
So if you have no problems losing your name too, then I say go ahead and take her name.
If it were me... I would hang on to my own name and put my foot down on this one instance. You won't win anymore.
Good Luck! And for the record, I did not marry an Italian... I grew up with them.
Now... my opinion is just that... an opinion. Nothing more or less.
And welcome to the family paisano!
"The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."
“Are you a thermometer or a thermostat, do you reflect or become what is happening in the room or do you change the atmosphere, reset the temperature when you come into the room”?--Chuck Swindoll
Its not about guns...Its about Freedom!
I generally don't like traditions too much as they tend to gravitate more toward "it's always been done that way, therefore we should do it that way" and less toward the original meaning of the tradition.
With that said, this is one of the few times I lean on that tradition. Your name is your history. I know changing your name doesn't change your history but it does create a turn in your future. Supposed like Kerb, and I am obviously not sure of your situation, where he is the only male child of his Father; the name stops right there.
If she doesn't want your last name for some reason and you are OK with that, swing it brotha. But if it irks you for some reason I would want to find out why she doesn't want to take on your name. You are correct, marriage is a partnership of 2 separate people trying to make the best of it as 1 family. But, as a Christian man who married a Christian woman, my Wife and I both beleive that I am the head of the household so long as I don't do anything that goes against the Word.
It also didn't hurt that her maiden name is Sladecek, taking on the Parrish name was a little easier to swallow .
In the end, it is a decision that you and she needs to make and agree to accept the decision for as long as you both shall live.
Congrats and have a blessed life together.
"Don't hit a man if you can possibly avoid it; but if you do hit him, put him to sleep." - Theodore Roosevelt
Mr and Mrs Lander has a nice, and traditional ring to it.
Congratulations......and good luck!
"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
I, too, don't follow traditions just because they are traditions. If there wasn't a good reason for taking my husband's last name I wouldn't have done it.
Part of the reason that names (first or last) are so flippantly tossed around these days is because they don't mean what they used to. A good family name could get you far in life. Now people are more concerned with your credit score.
That being said it is getting more popular for women not to take their husband's last names, for whatever reason, and I was actually recommended by many people that I not change my name which made me really think about why I should or shouldn't.
The people who argued that I shouldn't change it said it would be more convenient for me and it wouldn't matter and blah, blah, blah, but in the end it was my decision.
Some men and women combine their names for various reasons and some keep their last names and give their children combined or unique last names.
My cousin and his wife kept their individual last names and took letters from both their last names, combined them and gave that new last name to their son and daughter.
I can't tell you (or anyone) what to do, I can only give you my reason for doing what I did.
I took my husband's name, completely. No hyphens, no making my middle name my maiden name, nothing like that.
I did it because of respect, honor and authority.
When I was born I was given my father's name. He was my authority along with my mother. Sometimes he wasn't the greatest authoritarian but he was my father and due the respect a father warrants. It took me a long time to appreciate the name he gave me.
Our family name was trusted, it was respected and looked up to. It was honored in our community and to be honest, after I learned to respect it I didn't want to give it up.
Then I got married and I personally believe that a good wife has a duty to bring honor and respect to her husband. I could do this, in part, by taking his name and then being the kind of wife that can be honored and respected. So that people who hear my name and learn that I am the wife of my husband can better respect him because they have known me.
Also, because I submitted my authority to my husband. I wrote about it in a previous thread but I'll say it again here. Just before we got married I gave JD veto power in our marriage. Provided it was nothing illegal or harmful to me or our family if we were stuck on a decision and could not compromise I promised that I would be the one to submit to his decision and follow him.
My taking his last name is a reminder of that promise.
He is the head of our home and it is only fitting and right that it be his name that I and his children carry on into the world. It is his GOOD NAME that when people hear it, they can say, "That family is a good family."
I think about our son and the name he will inherit when he enters this world in a couple of months. I think of the responsibility we have as parents to teach him about the importance of a good name and his responsibility to honor his father's name and have the kind of reputation where a good woman would be honored to take his and his father's name and pass it on to their children.
I think of my father and how he has one son, three daughters. All three of us daughters have married and taken the name of our husband. We all now have children to take on that name.
So far my brother and his wife have been infertile and it has greatly affected my father. His one son, his heir to carry on our good family name is, so far, unable to do so and it has cut my father deeply. He is proud of his daughters and he loves his grandchildren, but there's just something about a son that passes on a proud name that makes grandparents so proud.
I have a little more "opinion" (for lack of a better word) because, unlike most cases these days, our family name meant something growing up.
But my decision to take my husband's name was my own. I don't know what he would have done if I had wanted to keep my maiden name or combine names. He never had to worry about it because I never really even brought it up.
We got married, I went down to the social security office then to the driver's license center and I came back with his name. There was no discussion.
Whatever you decide, decide it together and for a good reason.
If you are starting a new family name by combining your names then great! God bless you.
If she wants to keep her maiden name and you don't mind, go with it, and discuss what you would like to do for your children. The decision is yours and only you can make it for your own reasons.