DefensiveCarry I need your help!

This is a discussion on DefensiveCarry I need your help! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; We've been married for 33 years and the tradition was for the bride to take the grooms last name. I like the tradition, it's worked ...

View Poll Results: Combine or Do not!

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Thread: DefensiveCarry I need your help!

  1. #46
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    We've been married for 33 years and the tradition was for the bride to take the grooms last name. I like the tradition, it's worked well for us, she's never complained. Less complicated.

    Ultimately I suppose it's is what's important to the individual couple
    Turn the election's in 2014 to a "2A Revolution". It will serve as a 1994 refresher not to "infringe" on our Second Amendment. We know who they are now.........SEND 'EM HOME. Our success in this will be proportional to how hard we work to make it happen.

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  3. #47
    Member Array tamworth's Avatar
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    you know, if YOU take HER name, then YOU'LL have a MAIDEN name. Kinda girly sounding...

    My wife and I are both missionary baptist Christians. The husband is supposed to be the 'cornerstone' of the marriage/family, as Christ is the cornerstone of his church. The wife and children follow the husband as the man follows Christ. If the husband attempts to lead in a manner against the teachings of the bible, then the wife is required to go against the husband. Like if I suddenly 'forbid' my wife and children to go to church, which is plainly against God's will, she should then not follow my lead. This isn't an invite for divorce, but for reconciliation.

    This isn't to say that the husband is any more important than the wife. Their roles are just as important, but different. I've told my wife many many times, that i appreciate everything she does at home. She works just as hard as me. The difference is, we only get paid for the work I do, and the work she does is behind closed doors while she's home with the kids. It's easy for her to feel like she gets nothing to show for the work she does, so it's important for me to be outwardly and actively appreciative of her. In the book of Timothy it is pointed out that a preacher is a MAN called by God, apt to teach. YES, this means the bible teaches against women preachers and pastors. It also teaches in the book of Timothy that Timothy wouldn't have been such a great Christian if it weren't for his MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER who taught him in the home as he grew up. It's all over the new testament teaching the roles of women and the roles of man. Plainly DIFFERENT, but EQUALLY IMPORTANT!

    On divorce, there are only two scripturally sound divorces. One is where one is having an actively adulterous affair, and the other is where if one of the married couple is saved and one is lost, reconciliation has been attempted by the saved individual but the lost individual has no will to reconcile. This is not my opinion, this is what the bible plainly teaches. Any unscriptural divorces will first receive chastening (punishment) from God, and any sound church will revoke the guilty party's (sometimes just the husband OR the wife, sometimes BOTH) membership and authorities in the church.

    Using the bible as the rule, the taking of the bride's surname isn't exactly against-the-rules (not a heaven-or hell situation), but is obviously not taking the scriptural teaching and standpoint on marriage seriously. the two spirits become as one, with the husband in the lead.

    ...I think I'm done! Thanks for your patience!

  4. #48
    Member Array kohburn's Avatar
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    equality in opinion and status, but the husband has the final say and accepts the blaim (good, and bad) for the result of the decision.

    you can't have a tie, but you can choose to let her have her way even if its not what you want.
    "An armed society is a polite society" - Robert A. Heinlein

  5. #49
    Member Array Martial Archer's Avatar
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    I too am old fashioned in many regards...your bride should take your last name.
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  6. #50
    Distinguished Member Array Squawker's Avatar
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    I was confused by the indication that you were considering taking her last name. I've never heard of any husband doing that, though I'm sure that it has happened.,My opinion is that you should keep your own last name. Now, as far as what your wife does, I would go along with whatever she wants. In the grand scheme of things, that doesn't rate very highly on the scale of galactic importance. My first wife took my name (and couldn't wait to ditch it as soon as possible). My 2nd (and current, hopefully last) wife kept her name, and I have no problem with that. In each case, I let her go along with whatever makes her feel the most comfortable, since she has to live with it. Now, personally, I hate hyphenated name. I have to do a lot of writing in my job and with prescriptions, the room to write the name is frequently limited. I can never remember which I should put down if I don't have enough room for the whole hyphenated name. But, if that's what she wants, I would let her.

  7. #51
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    I voted to keep your last name and don't combine it. There's plenty of other ways to show your love for your bride than a name change. There's nothing wrong with a name change, but it can be a pain. Somehow, even though I turned in all the proper paperwork with all the right people, the IRS still "lost" me in the process and almost caused a mess. But it can be a small pain if a name change is what you really want to do for her.

    I took my husband's last name. I only very briefly - in correspondence - informally adopted a hyphenated-last name for work purposes until business contacts realized I was the same person. I took my husband's last name because:

    1. it was tradition
    2. I wanted to get rid of a 5-letter German last name that nobody could seem to pronounce or spell right. Turns out my new 6-letter Dutch last name is even worse, but oh, well!

    Down here in the South, hyphenated last names have the stigma of being "high-falutin'" - which is fine if you're blue-haired old money. I think a lot of folks do it down here because family names can have status and they feel the need to keep taking advantage of the Bubba system.
    "Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don't have a gun, freedom of speech has no power." - Yoshimi Ishikawa

  8. #52
    Member Array 2AMomma's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rodc13 View Post
    Now there are two of the silliest comments I've read here lately. The first is exceptionally insulting toward women. It also might explain why this guy has never found himself engaged. The potential bride should definitely insist on the counseling.
    Actually I found that refreshing and stated quite well. I am not insulted in the slightest.

    Do not combine last names, she should take yours. I agree with all of the traditionalists here, as well.

    Oh and +1 on the never hearing of taking her last name before.
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  9. #53
    Senior Member Array stanislaskasava's Avatar
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    Off topic:

    Quote Originally Posted by stanislaskasava View Post
    Are the two of you planning on wearing wedding bands? I ask because I think they are symbolic in the same way that taking the husband's name is.

    If you're stranded on a desert island, a ring, a license, and a name are all pretty much irrelevant. I doubt that Adam and Eve had a last name to worry about. In modern society, they can represent the mindset with which two people approach what is supposed to be a lifelong commitment.

    I may be old-fashioned, but a woman who insists on retaining her name gives the appearance of having a less than wholly commited mindset toward a sacred relationship. One name symbolizes unity, not property. I don't see how two people can become one if they intend to maintain separate isolated identities.

    What harm can come from her taking your name? I don't know if a hyphen would stop me from marrying someone, but I would definitely discuss both sides of the question in pre-marital counseling (which I will do in any case if I ever find myself engaged.)
    Quote Originally Posted by rodc13 View Post
    Now there are two of the silliest comments I've read here lately. The first is exceptionally insulting toward women. It also might explain why this guy has never found himself engaged. The potential bride should definitely insist on the counseling.

    Touché! I did not state my opinion to offend any women. I assume you disagree with my whole post -- feel free to explain how I am wrong (my main point being that sharing one name is symbolic of unity.) It should be easily implied from what I said that I don't believe symbols make or break a relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by 2AMomma View Post
    Actually I found that refreshing and stated quite well. I am not insulted in the slightest.
    I am glad to hear that I did not insult every woman on the forum.

  10. #54
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    My wife kept her last name, I kept mine. It was her name, and she wanted to keep it. I see no problems with that at all.

    To quote Shakespeare: "What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet."

    Congratulations, and have a great life together... whatever you decide!
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  11. #55
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    My wife's opinion is that she should take your last name. No hyphens or anything else. She is a traditionalist though, so keep that in mind.
    Procrastinators are the leaders of tomorrow.

  12. #56
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    +1 to Stanislaskasava.

    -1 to Rodc13
    It is surely true that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. Nor can you make them grateful for your efforts.

  13. #57
    VIP Member Array rodc13's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stanislaskasava View Post
    Touché! I did not state my opinion to offend any women. I assume you disagree with my whole post -- feel free to explain how I am wrong (my main point being that sharing one name is symbolic of unity.) It should be easily implied from what I said that I don't believe symbols make or break a relationship.
    You stated that a refusal to change her name suggests the woman's lack of commitment. That's a very narrow view and shows a lack of respect for the woman's decision. Commitment is purely individual. Whether someone chooses to take on a particular tradition to change one's name says nothing at all about whether they're committed to the relationship or not.

    Perhaps a man insisting on a woman changing her name, against her wish, shows a lack of commitment to the woman, and a desire for her to subrogate her identity, and to be less than a full partner in the relationship. You can interpret symbols in lots of different ways.

    The point is to consider every person, and every relationship, as an individual entity. Following one tradition or another doesn't ensure happiness or commitment. One chooses to be committed or not, regardless of symbols, religions, oaths or the lack thereof.
    Cheers,
    Rod
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  14. #58
    VIP Member Array rodc13's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by atctimmy View Post
    +1 to Stanislaskasava.

    -1 to Rodc13
    = 0
    Cheers,
    Rod
    "We're paratroopers. We're supposed to be surrounded!" Dick Winters

  15. #59
    Member Array chickdiver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rodc13 View Post
    You stated that a refusal to change her name suggests the woman's lack of commitment. That's a very narrow view and shows a lack of respect for the woman's decision. Commitment is purely individual. Whether someone chooses to take on a particular tradition to change one's name says nothing at all about whether they're committed to the relationship or not.

    Perhaps a man insisting on a woman changing her name, against her wish, shows a lack of commitment to the woman, and a desire for her to subrogate her identity, and to be less than a full partner in the relationship. You can interpret symbols in lots of different ways.

    The point is to consider every person, and every relationship, as an individual entity. Following one tradition or another doesn't ensure happiness or commitment. One chooses to be committed or not, regardless of symbols, religions, oaths or the lack thereof.
    Well said.
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  16. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by rodc13 View Post
    = 0
    Actually it means he's ahead of you by 2.
    It is surely true that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. Nor can you make them grateful for your efforts.

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