DefensiveCarry I need your help!

DefensiveCarry I need your help!

This is a discussion on DefensiveCarry I need your help! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; My last name is Lander! Her's is Millward! I'm getting married in 19 days! I have been hard core about NOT changing my last name! ...

View Poll Results: Combine or Do not!

Voters
64. You may not vote on this poll
  • Combine

    3 4.69%
  • Don 't Combine

    61 95.31%
Page 1 of 5 12345 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 67

Thread: DefensiveCarry I need your help!

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Rob99VMI04's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    NOVA...200 square miles surrounded by reality
    Posts
    3,444

    DefensiveCarry I need your help!

    My last name is Lander!

    Her's is Millward!

    I'm getting married in 19 days!

    I have been hard core about NOT changing my last name!

    I love her and thinking about combining seriously! I'll let DCarry be my ULTIMATE decision.

    RANDY/JD/LIMA ( emaiingl will affect this!)

    P95, RETSUP99, SIXTO, JEEPDriver, CCW9mm, DR_CMG, Miggy, PGRASS,OPFOR, Goawayfarm, Hotguns, Ram ROD, Self Defense, and most of you guys who I have talked to in threads and have said intelligent opinions I value your advice!

    THERFORE should I Combine lastnames or keep my own. I really love this ITALIAN GIRL FROM NY, however, GIVE IT TO ME! WHAT SHOULD I DO?
    “Are you a thermometer or a thermostat, do you reflect or become what is happening in the room or do you change the atmosphere, reset the temperature when you come into the room”?--Chuck Swindoll

    Its not about guns...Its about Freedom!


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array Kerbouchard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    2,894
    Keep and share your own last name. It's one of the few things us Men get to decide in the marriage. Trust me, the rest of the decisions will be hers. The last name goes to the husband.
    There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil.

    http://miscmusings.townhall.com/

    Who is John Galt?

  3. #3
    VIP Member Array Rob99VMI04's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    NOVA...200 square miles surrounded by reality
    Posts
    3,444
    Ker,
    Sorry I failed to mention to mention you! I've got a few days so I'll see what eveybody says!
    “Are you a thermometer or a thermostat, do you reflect or become what is happening in the room or do you change the atmosphere, reset the temperature when you come into the room”?--Chuck Swindoll

    Its not about guns...Its about Freedom!

  4. #4
    VIP Member Array matiki's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    N.W.
    Posts
    2,917
    You do know that you can be married with separate last names right? Just making sure...

    A couple friends of mine got married - he kept his name, she hyphenated hers.

    In your case:

    Mr. Millward
    Mrs. Lander-Millward

    Just food for thought. I'm not going to suggest anything - this is a decision best made by the two of you together.

    ... on the other hand... it wasn't even a question for my Wife and I. Literally. It never came up. She was in-line at the DMV and Soc Security the day we got back from the honeymoon. And she took my last name.
    "Wise people learn when they can; fools learn when they must." - The Duke of Wellington

  5. #5
    Distinguished Member Array Paymeister's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    1,536
    You will be the captain of the ship - it should be your last name.

    Note that the captain is responsible for ALL problems on the ship, so don't bother trying to affix blame when things get tough: if there's a problem at the Lander household, it will be up to you to act sacrificially to solve the problem. More if you wish (PM me) - just illustrating the point that with rank and authority go responsibility. It's perfectly OK to keep your name so long as you are willing to be a good captain. And also legit to do so if you're NOT willing to be a good captain (you're still the captain)... but expect hideous consequences in this life and the next.

    A hyphenated name is also difficult for folks to work with, and is likely to be really tough on kids. Honor your wife properly, and she'll be thrilled to carry your name.

  6. #6
    VIP Member Array edr9x23super's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    2,108
    Down here in TX the lady usually takes her husband's last name.

    Sometimes she even keeps it after she cleans her hubby out in Divorce court.

    just a thought......
    "Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect everyone who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright force. Whenever you give up that force, you are inevitably ruined". - Patrick Henry

  7. #7
    VIP Member Array Rob99VMI04's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    NOVA...200 square miles surrounded by reality
    Posts
    3,444
    Quote Originally Posted by Paymeister View Post
    You will be the captain of the ship - it should be your last name.

    Note that the captain is responsible for ALL problems on the ship, so don't bother trying to affix blame when things get tough: if there's a problem at the Lander household, it will be up to you to act sacrificially to solve the problem. More if you wish (PM me) - just illustrating the point that with rank and authority go responsibility. It's perfectly OK to keep your name so long as you are willing to be a good captain. And also legit to do so if you're NOT willing to be a good captain (you're still the captain)... but expect hideous consequences in this life and the next.

    A hyphenated name is also difficult for folks to work with, and is likely to be really tough on kids. Honor your wife properly, and she'll be thrilled to carry your name.
    Yes I agree but isn't marriage about combined leadership?

    Quote Originally Posted by edr9x23super View Post
    Down here in TX the lady usually takes her husband's last name.

    Sometimes she even keeps it after she cleans her hubby out in Divorce court.

    just a thought......
    Super,
    Yeah but I don't see us departing anytime soon exspecially after the Bachelor party!

    Need a womens opinion here!
    “Are you a thermometer or a thermostat, do you reflect or become what is happening in the room or do you change the atmosphere, reset the temperature when you come into the room”?--Chuck Swindoll

    Its not about guns...Its about Freedom!

  8. #8
    VIP Member Array Kerbouchard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    2,894
    Quote Originally Posted by Rob99VMI04 View Post
    Ker,
    Sorry I failed to mention to mention you! I've got a few days so I'll see what everybody says!
    I was terribly distraught at not being in your short list. It will take a few more drinks, but I believe I will manage to go to sleep tonight.

    Seriously, though. My wife was thrilled to take my last name. It never came up. I am not sure how I would have reacted if it had. The decision is something you two have to make together.

    I honestly did not believe any wives kept their last name or hyphenated it unless they were movie stars or in politics. Name recognition and all that craziness.

    Is there any particular reason she wishes to keep her last name? Name recognition? Scared of the paperwork? Scared to commit? Just doesn't like Lander?

    I hope you guys work this out, and there is no reason an online poll should have any impact in it. None of us can possibly understand all of the nuances and details of your specific situation.

    Based on a pure male viewpoint, I voted, 'Don't combine'. But I want to carry on my family name. I'm the only male son of my father, and I wanted our name to live on well passed his passing.
    There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil.

    http://miscmusings.townhall.com/

    Who is John Galt?

  9. #9
    Ex Member Array Ram Rod's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Fayetteville, AR
    Posts
    13,687
    Stay traditional. Mr. and Mrs. Lander. Congratulations by the way, and best of luck to you both!

  10. #10
    VIP Member
    Array OPFOR's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Nomad
    Posts
    4,713
    I wouldn't hyphenate, and I'm fairly "progressive" as far as that stuff goes.... If she wants to, that's fine; I wouldn't fight her on that.

    Now, showing her the opinions of a bunch of knuckle-dragging gun-toters might not sway her views too much, but there it is...
    A man fires a rifle for many years, and he goes to war. And afterward he turns the rifle in at the armory, and he believes he's finished with the rifle. But no matter what else he might do with his hands - love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper - his hands remember the rifle.

  11. #11
    VIP Member Array Rob99VMI04's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    NOVA...200 square miles surrounded by reality
    Posts
    3,444
    Quote Originally Posted by Kerbouchard View Post
    I was terribly distraught at not being in your short list. It will take a few more drinks, but I believe I will manage to go to sleep tonight.

    Seriously, though. My wife was thrilled to take my last name. It never came up. I am not sure how I would have reacted if it had. The decision is something you two have to make together.

    I honestly did not believe any wives kept their last name or hyphenated it unless they were movie stars or in politics. Name recognition and all that craziness.

    Is there any particular reason she wishes to keep her last name? Name recognition? Scared of the paperwork? Scared to commit? Just doesn't like Lander?

    I hope you guys work this out, and there is no reason an online poll should have any impact in it. None of us can possibly understand all of the nuances and details of your specific situation.

    Based on a pure male viewpoint, I voted, 'Don't combine'. But I want to carry on my family name. I'm the only male son of my father, and I wanted our name to live on well passed his passing.
    you know in today's world i'm not sure it really matters to "ME" besides the fact of every body else saying it "DOES".

    Scared? Professional /Master/PH.D I think however, I'm thinking regardless about all the "IT SHOULD BE THAT WAY" Does it really matter?

    I know this is weird since its it a "gun forum" however, the people I most agree with are the gun owner/carry/ own machine guns/ just shoot crap up people are people (other wise the Democratic underground forum are people I may disregard based on fundamental theory); therefore I think it is valid to ask this question to people who agree with my way of thinking?
    “Are you a thermometer or a thermostat, do you reflect or become what is happening in the room or do you change the atmosphere, reset the temperature when you come into the room”?--Chuck Swindoll

    Its not about guns...Its about Freedom!

  12. #12
    Member Array NKMG19's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    408
    Your last name. Period
    NRA Member

  13. #13
    VIP Member Array Kerbouchard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    2,894
    Quote Originally Posted by Rob99VMI04 View Post
    you know in today's world I'm not sure it really matters to "ME" besides the fact of every body else saying it "DOES".

    Scared? Professional /Master/PH.D I think however, I'm thinking regardless about all the "IT SHOULD BE THAT WAY" Does it really matter?

    I know this is weird since its it a "gun forum" however, the people I most agree with are the gun owner/carry/ own machine guns/ just shoot crap up people are people (other wise the Democratic underground forum are people I may disregard based on fundamental theory); therefore I think it is valid to ask this question to people who agree with my way of thinking?
    If it doesn't matter to you, and it matters to her, then go hyphenated. You are by no means bound by tradition or by what other people think you should do.

    Do what makes you both happy, and congratulations on the upcoming union.

    ETA: BTW, you have not mentioned how adamant she is about the combo. If she really wants it and you don't mind, but it is not a deal breaker for her, I would agree. If it was a deal breaker, I wouldn't give in. I'm stubborn that way. That's the kind of decision that can have a lot of 'unintended consequences'.
    There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil.

    http://miscmusings.townhall.com/

    Who is John Galt?

  14. #14
    Administrator
    Array SIXTO's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    20,053
    Your name is your name, it is who you are. You need to keep it. If she doesnt want to take on your name, I wouldnt fight that battle- it isnt worth it.
    "Just blame Sixto"

  15. #15
    Senior Moderator
    Array HotGuns's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Arkansas
    Posts
    14,986
    Standard procedure is for the wife to take the husbands last name.

    If she wants to retain her identity, the way to do that is to combine her maiden name- last name.

    Lots of woman around here do that. My wife has her maiden name-last name on her checks.
    I would rather stand against the cannons of the wicked than against the prayers of the righteous.


    AR. CHL Instr. 07/02 FFL
    Like custom guns and stuff? Check this out...
    http://bobbailey1959.wordpress.com/

Page 1 of 5 12345 LastLast

Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •