The Pet Diaryes...

This is a discussion on The Pet Diaryes... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Excerpts from a Dog's Diary * 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! * 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! * ...

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Thread: The Pet Diaryes...

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Wink The Pet Diaryes...

    Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

    * 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
    * 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
    * 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
    * 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
    * 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
    * 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
    * 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
    * 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
    * 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
    * 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
    * 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

    Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

    Day 983 of my captivity.

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

    They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

    In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. ********!

    The re was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow --but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

    The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

    The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now . . .
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

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  3. #2
    Senior Member Array NYcarry's Avatar
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    Haha, It's funny because it's true

  4. #3
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    Too funny

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    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    That's good......and SO true!
    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

    (Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay

  6. #5
    Member Array spooter66's Avatar
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    I can picture my cat saying this.
    "I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." - Sir Winston Churchill


  7. #6
    Member Array madmunky40's Avatar
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    very funny....esp the cat (that is so very true)
    "It is better to live one day as a lion than a hundred years as a sheep."
    - Italian proverb

  8. #7
    Member Array rockusaf's Avatar
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    I always say when I die I wanna be reincarnated as a dog in my family, they're all spoiled.
    Thanks,
    Rock

  9. #8
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    My dogs saw this and agreed that it was true. My cat also looked at it, sniffed, threw up a hair ball at the computer, and walked away.
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

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