The Pet Diaryes...

The Pet Diaryes...

This is a discussion on The Pet Diaryes... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Excerpts from a Dog's Diary * 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! * 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! * ...

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Thread: The Pet Diaryes...

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Dec 2004
    Battle Creek, Mi.

    Wink The Pet Diaryes...

    Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

    * 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
    * 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
    * 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
    * 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
    * 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
    * 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
    * 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
    * 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
    * 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
    * 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
    * 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

    Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

    Day 983 of my captivity.

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

    They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

    In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. ********!

    The re was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow --but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

    The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

    The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now . . .
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

  2. #2
    Senior Member Array NYcarry's Avatar
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    May 2007
    Haha, It's funny because it's true

  3. #3
    Senior Modevador
    Array Rock and Glock's Avatar
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    Nov 2005
    Colorado at 26,650'
    Too funny
    ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ: Buy These Stickers Here

    "He went on two legs, wore clothes and was a human being, but nevertheless he was in reality a wolf of the Steppes. He had learned a good deal . . . and was a fairly clever fellow. What he had not learned, however, was this: to find contentment in himself and his own life. The cause of this apparently was that at the bottom of his heart he knew all the time (or thought he knew) that he was in reality not a man, but a wolf of the Steppes."

  4. #4
    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    May 2007
    Back home in Louisiana!
    That's good......and SO true!
    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

    "Sometimes when you're making gumbo, people just show up.", Leah Chase

  5. #5
    Member Array spooter66's Avatar
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    Apr 2008

    I can picture my cat saying this.
    "I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." - Sir Winston Churchill

  6. #6
    Member Array madmunky40's Avatar
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    Aug 2007
    very funny....esp the cat (that is so very true)
    "It is better to live one day as a lion than a hundred years as a sheep."
    - Italian proverb

  7. #7
    Member Array rockusaf's Avatar
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    Jul 2008
    I always say when I die I wanna be reincarnated as a dog in my family, they're all spoiled.

  8. #8
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    Jan 2008
    Mid-Hudson Valley New York State
    My dogs saw this and agreed that it was true. My cat also looked at it, sniffed, threw up a hair ball at the computer, and walked away.
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

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