Story from a lovely Lady...

Story from a lovely Lady...

This is a discussion on Story from a lovely Lady... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Story from a lovely lady. One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I ...

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  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Talking Story from a lovely Lady...

    Story from a lovely lady.

    One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it
    became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme
    sacrifice and gave up beans.

    Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the
    way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called
    my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to
    walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor
    of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to
    walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the
    time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I
    knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All
    the way home, I made sure that I released ALL the gas.

    Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and
    exclaimed delightedly: 'Darling I have a surprise for dinner
    tonight!'

    He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner
    table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my
    blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to
    touch the blindfold until he returned and went
    to answer the call.

    The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and
    the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband
    was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my
    weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but
    it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in
    front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and
    fanned the air around me vigorously.

    Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more.
    The stink was worse than cooked cabbage!!!

    Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the
    other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
    The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone
    farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned
    the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap
    and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and
    pleased with myself.

    My face must have been the picture of innocence when my
    husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me
    if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I
    had not.

    At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner
    guests seated around the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!'

    I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array PatrioticRick's Avatar
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    Reminds me of the commercial when the girl gets into the car and farts while her boyfriend walks around to get in and she finds out their on a double date.
    Μολὼν λαβέ

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  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by PatrioticRick View Post
    Reminds me of the commercial when the girl gets into the car and farts while her boyfriend walks around to get in and she finds out their on a double date.
    Here you go:

    YouTube - FUNNIEST COMMERCIAL EVER!
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  4. #4
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    My wife didn't think it was funny. She's had to endure MANY of my gas bombs of death.
    "I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." - Sir Winston Churchill


  5. #5
    VIP Member Array AZ Husker's Avatar
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    I've heard so many times that women don't fart, they discreetly poo.
    Those folks never met my ex-wife.
    Treat me good, I'll treat you better. Treat me bad, I'll treat you worse.

  6. #6
    Member Array spooter66's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AZ Husker View Post
    I've heard so many times that women don't fart, they discreetly poo.
    Those folks never met my ex-wife.
    Rattles the windows does she?
    "I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." - Sir Winston Churchill


  7. #7
    VIP Member Array PatrioticRick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by falcon1 View Post
    That's the one.
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  8. #8
    Distinguished Member Array morintp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AZ Husker View Post
    I've heard so many times that women don't fart, they discreetly poo.
    Those folks never met my ex-wife.
    My wife too! She was worse when she was pregnant with our first child. She actually let one so bad then that her sister puked.

    Now I'm a dead man for telling you that.
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  9. #9
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    This is really a stinky post. But I do think it's a blast!
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

  10. #10
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    I was always under the belief that women CAN'T fart...the reason being that they never have their mouths closed long enough to build up pressure...
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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  11. #11
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by retsupt99 View Post
    I was always under the belief that women CAN'T fart...the reason being that they never have their mouths closed long enough to build up pressure...
    LOL I will not say it nope LOL!!
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

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