OT: puns

This is a discussion on OT: puns within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Shamelessly taken from a post by awp101 on LevergunsCommunity.com ... HUMOR - O-Pun Season... 1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir ...

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Thread: OT: puns

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Talking OT: puns

    Shamelessly taken from a post by awp101 on LevergunsCommunity.com ...

    HUMOR - O-Pun Season...

    1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

    3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

    4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

    6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

    7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

    10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    11. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a-head.'

    12. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

    15. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

    16. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    17. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

    18. Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

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    VIP Member Array ExactlyMyPoint's Avatar
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    Thanks for the laughs
    Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse or Rapture....whichever comes first.

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    Ex Member Array Ram Rod's Avatar
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    I've heard many pun down threw the years...some were great...some were 'two-thirds of a pun'...PU...

    Those on your list were both new and quite clever...
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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    Why, why, why would you post that? More importantly, why would I read it?!

    A man fires a rifle for many years, and he goes to war. And afterward he turns the rifle in at the armory, and he believes he's finished with the rifle. But no matter what else he might do with his hands - love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper - his hands remember the rifle.

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    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    A man climbing down a ladder hooked his shoe in a rung and ended getting a leg up on the situation.

    In 1729 London when the lever on the gallows failed to function, the attendant was overheard to say: "Hang it all!"

    In 1793 Paris at the guillotine square, a man was being punished for his crimes. "You've always been a man of sharp wit and humor, Pierre. I will miss you," said the criminal. The man in black replied, "It's been a thin slice."

    "Sugar and Spice" by the Searchers was a sweet song.

    Kermit's attempts to be carbon neutral were tough. It's not easy being green.

    And with thanks to the film Patch Adams, when "Patch" is helping his friend "Bill" to handle his last days with cancer:
    Death. To die. To expire. To pass on. To perish. To peg out. To push up daisies. To push up posies. To become extinct. Curtains, deceased, Demised, departed And defunct. Dead as a doornail. Dead as a herring. Dead as a mutton. Dead as nits. The last breath. Paying a debt to nature. The big sleep. God's way of saying, "Slow down." To check out. To shuffle off this mortal coil. To head for the happy hunting ground. To blink for an exceptionally long period of time. To find oneself without breath. To be the incredible decaying man. Worm buffet. Kick the bucket. Buy the farm. Take the cab. Cash in your chips. And if we bury you ass up, I have got a place to park my bike.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  8. #7
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    Cute!

    If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

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    Ahhhhhh, so bad, but so GOOD.
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

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