September 23rd, 2008 03:38 PM
I was just emailed this from a friend in Florida, and have already sent it to everyone I know in Houston (with a sense of humor).
CONE OF UNCERTAINTY
1 oz. cinnamon schnapps
1 sugar cone
Pour the schnapps into the sugar cone. Every time you hear a TV weatherman
say, "cone of uncertainty ," bite off the end of the cone and down the shot. If
you hear Jim Cantore say it, drink two shots consecutively.
(they should change this to the "Cantore Zone"... dang him.
Have you ever noticed that, despite all the cone of probability talk, if Cantore is parked in front of your house you are toast?)
2 oz. Midori
2 oz. rum
1 scoop vanilla ice cream
After your home loses power, combine Midori and rum in a cocktail glass..
Add a scoop of the vanilla ice cream that is melting in your freezer.
Stir, and drink through a straw.
1 1/2 oz. Absolute Ruby Red vodka
1/2 oz. vermouth
Combine vodka and vermouth in cocktail glass. Fill remainder of glass with equal parts Clamato and prune juice. Stir. Drink.
Ask next-door neighbor whose tree blew over and crashed onto your roof -- even though you'd warned him for months to uproot it -- if you can use his bathroom.
1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. tequila
1/2 oz. rum
1/2 oz. bourbon
1/2 oz. gin
Splash of fruit juice
Combine vodka, tequila, rum, bourbon and gin in a tall glass.
Fill remainder of glass with sweet-and-sour mix and splash of juice.
Stir, then garnish with an inverted drink umbrella.
Drink during peak storm hours, and vow not to believe anyone who tries to tell you the hurricane that flooded your garage and destroyed your shed was just a Category 1.
1 1/2 oz. Goldschlager
1 1/2 oz. apple brandy
1 pack Sugar in the Raw
Combine Goldschlager, apple brandy and sugar in cocktail glass.
As you drink, seriously contemplate moving your Yankee backside back to New Jersey where it belongs.
DOWNED POWER LINE
1 1/2 oz. rum
5 oz. Jolt Cola
Combine ingredients in a cocktail glass.
Drink while trying to figure out how the heck you're supposed to go two freakin' weeks without TV and AC.
2 oz. Kahlua
2 oz. Baileys Irish cream
4 oz. rum
Serve in a 6-ounce glass and laugh-cry deliriously as the mess spills all over the counter top.
2 oz. Blue Aftershock
4 oz. Sprite
Combine in a cocktail glass with crushed ice you received after waiting in line for
three hours at a mall parking lot.
Take a deep breath, sip and scream like a little girl when the cold beverage hits your tongue.
LOOTERS WILL BE SHOT
1 oz. Jack Daniel's
Splash of sarsaparilla
Load both barrels of a shotgun with rock salt.
Climb to the roof of your house with gun, bottle of Jack Daniel's and can of sarsaparilla.
Fill shot glass with Jack and splash of sarsaparilla.
Watch for looters.
When you spot one, blast his backside with rock salt.
Drink shot. Repeat.
THE CHAIN SAW
1 oz. Goldschlager
1 oz. Rumplemintz
3 oz. Jim Beam
Splash of vermouth
Combine Goldschlager, Rumplemintz and Jim Beam in an empty soup can.
Add splash of vermouth. Drink. Remove chain saw from garage and attempt to cut up fallen tree limbs in yard.
Ask neighbor to drive you to hospital when it all goes horribly wrong.
1 1/2 oz. vodka
1 1/2 oz. vodka and Midori
1 1/2 oz. vodka and Galliano
1 1/2 oz. vodka and grenadine
Pour each ingredient into a separate shot glass.
Serve one to yourself and three other people.
The person with the clear shot of vodka drinks first.
The person to his right drinks the Midori shot, and so on.
If somebody drinks out of order, develop a quick case of road rage and slap him silly.
1 1/2 oz. Curacao
2 oz. pineapple juice
Splash of lime
Combine ingredients in a leaky paper cup and serve.
Wait six to eight months for someone to repair the cup.
If you're impatient, hire an unlicensed, out-of-state contractor to do the job for an exorbitant sum and pray he doesn't hurt himself in the process.
1 oz. Southern Comfort
2 oz. sloe gin
One week after the storm has passed and your neighborhood is still in ruins
with no sign of help on the way, combine Southern Comfort and gin in a
Fill remainder with tonic and add a dash of Angostura bitters.
Serve with a nut brownie. Before drinking, raise the glass and say the toast,
"Doing a ******* job, Brownie."
It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.
-Sir Winston Churchill
September 23rd, 2008 03:45 PM
Now that's funny!
Especially like the Mandatory Evacuation and the Blue Tarp
This is the law;
The purpose of fighting is to win.
There is no possible victory in defense.
The sword is more important than the shield and skill is more important than either.
The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental. - John Steinbeck
September 23rd, 2008 03:48 PM
Oh that is funny, AND sounds good for my next hurricane party
"Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008
(Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay
September 24th, 2008 07:25 AM
Now that is funny....agree with goldshellback, drinks will be good for hurricane party.
"It is better to live one day as a lion than a hundred years as a sheep."
- Italian proverb
September 24th, 2008 08:07 AM
You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
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