My favorite words to live by...

My favorite words to live by...

This is a discussion on My favorite words to live by... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; In the 70's, someone put a poem called "The Desiderata" to music, and made a fortune. Then, The National Lampoon magazine came out with their ...

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  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array Squawker's Avatar
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    My favorite words to live by...

    In the 70's, someone put a poem called "The Desiderata" to music, and made a fortune. Then, The National Lampoon magazine came out with their version on the album "Radio Dinner". It's called "The Deteriorata", and it's hilarious, although a few references will be dated. It's funny to read, but the recording is fantastic. I ran across the lyrics the other day, so here it is,

    The Deteriorata

    Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
    and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
    Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.
    Rotate your tires.
    Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself
    and heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.
    Know what to kiss... and when.
    Consider that two wrongs never make a right... but that three do.
    Wherever possible, put people on hold.
    Be comforted that in the face of all erridity and disillusionment,
    and despite the changing fortunes of time,
    there is always a big future in computer maintenance.

    Remember the Pueblo.
    Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.
    Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI.
    Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
    especially with those persons closest to you...
    that lemon on your left, for instance.
    Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
    would scarcely get your feet wet.
    Fall not in love, therefore; it will stick to your face.
    Gracefully surrender the things of youth,
    birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan,
    and let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
    Hire people with hooks.
    For a good time call 606-4311. Ask for Candy
    Take heart amid the deepening gloom
    that your dog is finally getting enough cheese,
    and reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot,
    it could only be worse in Milwaukee.

    You are a fluke of the Universe.
    You have no right to be here,
    and whether you can hear it or not,
    the Universe is laughing behind your back.

    Therefore, make peace with your god,
    whatever you conceive him to be:
    hairy thunderer or cosmic muffin.
    With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,
    the world continues to deteriorate.

    Give up!
    *
    *


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array rodc13's Avatar
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    Always loved it!

    I used to have a poster of that on antique-looking parchment paper. With the footnote, "Found in an old National Lampoon, circa 1970".
    Cheers,
    Rod
    "We're paratroopers. We're supposed to be surrounded!" Dick Winters

  3. #3
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    Here it is on YouTube

    YouTube - Deteriorata slide show
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

  4. #4
    JD
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    Reminded me of the following:

    Wear sunscreen.

    If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it

    The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

    I will dispense this advice now.
    Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.

    Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.

    But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

    You are not as fat as you imagine.
    Don't worry about the future.

    Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.

    The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.
    Do one thing every day that scares you.

    Sing.
    Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.

    Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

    Floss.
    Don't waste your time on jealousy.

    Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.

    The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
    Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults.

    If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

    Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

    Stretch.
    Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.

    The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives.

    Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
    Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

    Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.

    Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.

    Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.

    Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either.

    Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
    Enjoy your body.

    Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.
    It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

    Dance - even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

    Read the directions., even if you don't follow them.
    Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

    "Brother and sister together we'll make it through,
    Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
    I know that you're hurting but I've been waiting there for you
    And I'll be there just helping you out
    Whenever I can"
    Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

    Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
    Understand that friends come and go,
    but with a precious few you should hold on.

    Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

    Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

    Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
    Accept certain inalienable truths:

    Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old.

    And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.
    Respect your elders.

    Don't expect anyone else to support you.

    Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

    Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

    Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.

    Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
    But trust me on the sunscreen.

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