Chuck Norris Jokes

This is a discussion on Chuck Norris Jokes within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; For all of you who Don't have a life Have too much free time Haven't heard them all Are addicted to DC Own more than ...

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Thread: Chuck Norris Jokes

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array ExactlyMyPoint's Avatar
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    Chuck Norris Jokes

    For all of you who

    • Don't have a life
    • Have too much free time
    • Haven't heard them all
    • Are addicted to DC
    • Own more than one gun
    • Love Chuck Norris jokes


    These are just a few websites to peruse.

    Chuck Norris Jokes Complete
    THE CHUCK NORRIS FACTS - TOP 100 CHUCK NORRIS JOKES
    YouTube - Chuck Norris Reads Chuck Norris Jokes
    Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse or Rapture....whichever comes first.

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    VIP Member Array swiftyjuan's Avatar
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    You know, Chuck will find you...
    John
    Assault is a behavior, not a device.

    "Don't never take no shortcuts." Patty Reed, Donner Party

    Lifetime NRA member

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    Senior Member Array Juggernaut's Avatar
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    He doesn't sleep. He waits.
    Vis consili expers mole ruit sua.
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    VIP Member Array Ridgeline's Avatar
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    Actually he may have already found you... look behind you...keep looking.
    "Eternity is Too Long to be Wrong"

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    Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
    Better watch your in-box EMP!!!!
    "These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier
    and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the
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    love and thanks of man and woman."

    -- Thomas Paine (The American Crisis, No. 1, 19 December 1776)

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    Superman wears Chuck Norris underoos.
    It is surely true that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. Nor can you make them grateful for your efforts.

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    Member Array mikeprekopa's Avatar
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    Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter !

    Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land !

    those are the best i think :D
    NREMT-B

    "Dead is dead"
    "Yea, till we show up with jumper cables and drugs to debate it"

  9. #8
    Ex Member Array Ram Rod's Avatar
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    Chuck knows what you're thinking. I sure would hate to be you when he catches up with you!


    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

  10. #9
    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    Chuck......

    I like his chances
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    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

    (Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay

  11. #10
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    Many I've not heard before...funny!
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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  12. #11
    Senior Member Array WJP9's Avatar
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    Chuck Norris doesn't shave, he tells his beard to stop growing.

    Comment on Chuck Norris...I'm a big fan, but has anybody seen his new Total Gym commercial where he is sporting just the mustache? He looks like crap...like he lost a ton of muscle mass, is sick, or has been hitting the bottle hard. Just an observation....long live Chuck.
    -Bill

    "Better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it."

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    Quote Originally Posted by WJP9 View Post
    Comment on Chuck Norris...I'm a big fan, but has anybody seen his new Total Gym commercial where he is sporting just the mustache? He looks like crap...like he lost a ton of muscle mass, is sick, or has been hitting the bottle hard. Just an observation....long live Chuck.
    We all gotta get old sometime.
    It is surely true that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. Nor can you make them grateful for your efforts.

  14. #13
    Member Array GT3326's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WJP9 View Post
    Chuck Norris doesn't shave, he tells his beard to stop growing.
    Thats Good

  15. #14
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WJP9 View Post
    Comment on Chuck Norris... He looks like crap...
    He was born in 1940, so he's approaching 70yrs old.

    Though, you'd think it's high time he ratchet down the grit on his bathroom tissue ... from 20 grit to about 200. Couldn't hurt.
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    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
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    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  16. #15
    Senior Member Array WJP9's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GT3326 View Post
    Thats Good
    I made that up!
    -Bill

    "Better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it."

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