Funny Statements and Questions

Funny Statements and Questions

This is a discussion on Funny Statements and Questions within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I received this in a newsletter that I get from a Tactical School. These are statements AND questions from students and VIP's who have attended ...

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Thread: Funny Statements and Questions

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array First Sgt's Avatar
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    Funny Statements and Questions

    I received this in a newsletter that I get from a Tactical School. These are statements AND questions from students and VIP's who have attended their course. Remember, There is no such thing as a dumb question. Notice how professionally they were answered....Just TOOOO FUNNY!!

    QUOTES, CATCHY PHRASES, SAGE THOUGHTS AND QUESTIONS THAT MAKE YOU GO .."HUH?"


    In the category of gun fighting:
    It‘s better to have a gun and not need it, than to need a gun and not have it.

    Never bring a knife to a gunfight!

    Any gun will do — If YOU will do!

    YOU are the weapon, your firearm is just a tool!

    The best gunfight is the one you AVOID.

    You don’t win anything in a gunfight, you just get to keep what you have.

    The only thing worse than being in a gunfight is losing one!

    If you have to think if you should shoot, you probably should not shoot.

    Only hits count. You can’t miss fast enough to catch up in a gunfight.

    All you really need is one gun. If you are good with it, you will acquire more… with each opponent you vanquish.

    No gunfight was ever won with a speed re-holster. Bring it out fast and put it away slow.

    Plan A is two shots to the thoracic cavity. Plan B is one shot to the cranio-ocular cavity. Make Plan B count. There is no Plan C.

    Headshots separate the gun fighters from the gun owners!

    The loudest sound in the world is a “click” when you need a “bang.”

    In the category of tactics:
    Tactics are an art, not a science. However, there are some principles you should apply… (More on this when you attend a course…)

    All tactics do are put you in a position where your opponent must react to you. It gives you the brief opportunity to fire first. If you miss, the playing field is now level. He who hits first and most wins!

    All the high speed, low drag, SWAT Dog tactics in the world don’t mean a thing if you can’t hit with your first shot.

    Never move faster than you can deliver a first round hit with a long gun or two hits with a side arm.

    Always maintain your shooting platform, otherwise you are just an observer!

    If you hear breaking glass in the middle of the night, hunker down in a position of cover with your weapon in hand and wait for them to come to you. If you hear your daughter scream in the middle of the night, there is no waiting. That is why we teach you how to move tactically.

    The proper order for room clearing is corners, open areas, behind objects, and finally in closets.

    Distance is your friend. You are trained, your opponent is not.

    Stay out of "the fatal funnel" (doorways)!

    In the category of Dry Practice:
    Only perfect practice makes perfect.

    You can practice crap for 20 years and all you will ever be is a Crap Master.

    Definition of a poor tactical reload: Craptical Reload.

    Shooting doesn’t make you good. Dry practice makes you good. Shooting is merely a validation of your dry practice.

    When it comes to your life, how good is good enough? We are never good enough!

    We don’t want to make you good. We want to make you perfect!

    The second loudest sound in the world is a “bang” when you were expecting a “click.”

    In the category of questions that made me go “Huh?”
    Note: At Front Sight, there is no such thing as a stupid question, only stupid people who don’t ask questions when they should. So please ask away. Here are a few questions that prove we will pleasantly answer anything.

    Question: Since the earth is spinning, should I lead the target on a long distance shot?
    Answer: Only if you are shooting for the moon! Otherwise, put your sights on the center of mass, focus on the front sight and press the trigger straight to the rear without disrupting the sight alignment.

    Question: What do I do if I press the trigger and the gun does not fire?
    Answer: If the slide is closed, that is a Type 1 Malfunction. Fix it with Tap, Rack, Flip.

    Question: What if my magazine is empty?
    Answer: Then you have an empty weapon so perform an emergency reload with a full magazine.

    Question: What if I don’t have a magazine with ammunition in it?
    Answer: How are your negotiating skills?

    Question: Did you plant those pretty pink flowers or do they grow here naturally?
    Answer: Those are plastic survey feathers. Our surveyors plant them.

    From a big city newspaper reporter AFTER attending a one day submachine gun course.

    Question: What are these things on the ground all around us?
    Answer: These are the brass cases that eject from the weapon as the bullet travels down the barrel.

    Question: We were firing real bullets?
    Answer: Yes. And you were great at it!

    From the same reporter after the one day course.

    Question: What is that thing on the front of the gun that you named the school after?
    Answer: Front Sight.

    From another reporter who picked up a pistol bullet that was slightly deformed, dirty, and grooved from the barrel rifling.

    Question: Did this fall out of someone’s gun?
    Answer: Yes, at about 1000 feet per second!

    Question: Instead of changing the target, why don’t you just turn it around?
    Answer: Because there are just as many holes on the back as there are on the front.

    Question: In the Man-on-Man shooting competition will there be two people shooting?
    Answer: Only if we want it to be interesting!
    Last edited by First Sgt; October 13th, 2008 at 11:20 AM. Reason: spelling
    Sometimes in life you have to stand your ground. It's a hard lesson to learn and even most adults don't get it, but in the end only I can be responsible for my life. If faced with any type of adversity, only I can overcome it. Waiting for someone else to take responsibility is a long fruitless wait.


  2. #2
    Senior Member Array joleary223's Avatar
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    the last Q&A was all I needed to read. Thanks for the post.
    CRIME..... LAW DEFINES, POLICE ENFORCE, CITIZENS PREVENT!

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  3. #3
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    You can practice crap for 20 years and all you will ever be is a Crap Master.

    I heard that 15 years ago, I use the phrase often.
    "Just blame Sixto"

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    i like the one about flipping the target.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by gatorsmash View Post
    i like the one about flipping the target.
    Yeah, they should have sent the reporter downrange at that point
    "Don't hit a man if you can possibly avoid it; but if you do hit him, put him to sleep." - Theodore Roosevelt

    -Paco
    http://www.shieldsd.net

  6. #6
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    People can be pretty stupid (stupidity has no limits).
    I'm sure that there's always another 'new one' that will make you shake your head in amazement!
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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  7. #7
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    Revised:

    The loudest sound in the world is a “click” when you need a “bang" or a "bang" when you are expecting a "click"
    Some great quotes there!

    Question: What if I don’t have a magazine with ammunition in it?
    Answer: How are your negotiating skills?
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

  8. #8
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    The ? about the pretty pink flowers almost made me p my pants
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

  9. #9
    VIP Member Array JAT40's Avatar
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    LOL "The only thing worse than being in a gunfight is losing one!" Makes sense to me!
    While people are saying "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, ... and they will not escape. 1Th 5:3

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