Police Officer Monkeys

Police Officer Monkeys

This is a discussion on Police Officer Monkeys within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; A man walks into a pet store and is looking around when he spots a chimpanzee in a cage marked, "$1000". The man looks a ...

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Thread: Police Officer Monkeys

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array First Sgt's Avatar
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    Police Officer Monkeys

    A man walks into a pet store and is looking around when he spots a chimpanzee in a cage marked, "$1000". The man looks a little closer and discovers that the chimpanzee is wearing a tie and a hat and is twirling a set of handcuffs around his finger. Curious, the man summons the shopkeeper and asks him what the deal is with this thousand-dollar monkey.

    "Sir, You have discovered our Police Officer Monkeys. This one is our basic Patrol version. It's got a POST Basic certification; can fire 'Expert' with a Glock, Remington 870, or an AR15; knows the Penal Code and Traffic Code by heart and is up-to-date on Cultural Diversity and Active Shooter Response. Very good value for a thousand dollars!"

    The man is suitably impressed and moves to the next cage, which is occupied by a gorilla - also wearing a hat and tie, but is gnawing on a pen instead of the handcuffs.

    The price on this one is $5000. Shopkeeper exclaims, "Ah, sir! You have discovered the Sergeant model! This one has a POST Advanced certification, is capable of training any other monkeys in basic firearms skills, mechanics of arrest, physical training, investigation and small unit tactics! It can even type! Very good value for five thousand, sir!"

    Impressed, the man moves to the last cage. Inside, he finds an orangutan, dressed in the same hat and tie as the others, but holding only a coffee cup. "What does this one do that he's worth $12,000?" asks the man.

    The shopkeeper clears his throat, "Ah, sir, well, um.... we have never actually seen him do anything except drink coffee and play with his private parts, but he says he's a Lieutenant."
    Sometimes in life you have to stand your ground. It's a hard lesson to learn and even most adults don't get it, but in the end only I can be responsible for my life. If faced with any type of adversity, only I can overcome it. Waiting for someone else to take responsibility is a long fruitless wait.

  2. #2
    Array SIXTO's Avatar
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    "Just blame Sixto"

    I reserve the right to make fun, point and laugh etc.

  3. #3
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    kind of reminds me of my military days!
    Freedom doesn't come free. It is bought and paid for by the lives and blood of our men and women in uniform.

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  4. #4
    MGD is offline
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    I'm temped to send this to one of my professors who's a lieutenant

  5. #5
    Member Array Army22rpr's Avatar
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    Archer you beat me to the punch, how true!
    Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.- George Washington
    Serving Since 1985- "Airborne"

  6. #6
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    I once worked for that Lieutenant...

    When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
    And the women come out to cut up what remains,
    Just roll to your rifle and blow out your brains,
    And go to your God like a soldier.

    Rudyard Kipling


  7. #7
    VIP Member Array artz's Avatar
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    all good... LOL
    " Refuse to be a victim, make sure there is a round chambered ! "

    Just call me a pessimistic optimist !

    U.S. Navy vet 1981-1992

  8. #8
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    You LEO's should make a large copy and post it in the squad room
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

  9. #9
    Ex Member Array Ram Rod's Avatar
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    LOL! That's funny stuff right there!

  10. #10
    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    Back home in Louisiana !!!!
    My sargent buddy got it.

    That's funny!

  11. #11
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    That joke would work in most lines of work.....it sure works in education...I was an Orangutan...
    Proverbs 27:12 says: “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.”

    Certified Glock Armorer
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  12. #12
    VIP Member Array ron8903's Avatar
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    "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
    - Sir Winston Churchill

  13. #13
    VIP Member Array simon's Avatar
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    I must give that to a friend of mine whom is a retired Sheriff Lt.

  14. #14
    Member Array jbone's Avatar
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    that would be perfect if I could turn that into a firefighter joke. I have three lieutenants like that.

  15. #15
    wpk is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by jbone View Post
    that would be perfect if I could turn that into a firefighter joke. I have three lieutenants like that.

    Only three? Man, I'm working for the wrong dept.
    "America is a nation of laws; poorly written and randomly enforced." -Frank Zappa

    “Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.” -Denis Diderot

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