Attack Kitty

This is a discussion on Attack Kitty within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I saw this a couple days ago and thought it was great Originally Posted by http://atlanta.craigslist.org/pet/912576090.html Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any ...

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Thread: Attack Kitty

  1. #1
    Member Array broknindarkagain's Avatar
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    Attack Kitty

    I saw this a couple days ago and thought it was great

    Quote Originally Posted by http://atlanta.craigslist.org/pet/912576090.html
    Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him.

    This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Well-trained since 10-weeks of age to attack anything in his presence, he will protect your family from evil things, including the following:

    * insects

    * other trained attack kittens

    * babies

    * toilet paper

    * anything under a blanket

    * unwanted house guests
    * paper bags

    * floor rugs

    * Chuck Norris

    * Feet.

    Great with children (assuming you donít like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting. He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be. This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively. Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink. Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide.

    Neutered (trust me, you wont want to him to procreate). Has not been declawed, but you'll figure that out really fast.

    Understands and responds to a variety of vulgar and profane verbal commands. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it.

    Willing to accept trades. Potential adopters must have experience with trained attack-kittens... please be prepared to show scars.

    For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house.
    "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

    Smith & Wesson M&P9c

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  3. #2
    Member Array Sigman226's Avatar
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    I can't believe someone else got a cat from the same litter that I did. Wow that is my cat, except he has licked ALL the fur from his belly to make sure you don't want to touch it.

    Thanks for the laugh!
    Home Gun - Sig Sauer P226 .40sw - Win a Piece of Movie History at Kats Cancer Care.

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    VIP Member Array raevan's Avatar
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    I have a few of those, they stay outside now.

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    My cat used to be like that until I trained him.

    Now, when he wants me to wake up, he just bites my nose.
    Somehow, he understands that it always works and has never failed yet.

    Much better than it used to be though...
    I would rather stand against the cannons of the wicked than against the prayers of the righteous.


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    Ex Member Array Ram Rod's Avatar
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    Attack kitties do have their benefits. They could be considered your non-lethal defense if you're into that.

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    RamRod, You were saying?
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

  8. #7
    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    Posted in Atlanta, probley not SIXTO's...........
    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

    (Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay

  9. #8
    Member Array Chris Dawg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HotGuns View Post
    My cat used to be like that until I trained him.

    Now, when he wants me to wake up, he just bites my nose.
    Somehow, he understands that it always works and has never failed yet.

    Much better than it used to be though...

    Are you sure the cat was the one who was trained?

  10. #9
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    Are you sure the cat was the one who was trained?
    I've actually wondered that.

    I think the cat just likes to go flying.
    I would rather stand against the cannons of the wicked than against the prayers of the righteous.


    AR. CHL Instr. 07/02 FFL
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  11. #10
    VIP Member Array artz's Avatar
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    One time, I got the job of removing a wild litter of kittens from a storage area at our work. Armed with a face shield, welding gloves and a long sleeve shirt, I grabbed one of them the size of the kitten in Ramrods' photo.
    It was like I grabbed a hot, live wire without those gloves. Torn me up !
    " Refuse to be a victim, make sure there is a round chambered ! "

    Just call me a pessimistic optimist !

    U.S. Navy vet 1981-1992

  12. #11
    VIP Member Array Paco's Avatar
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    I pity the person who answered that ad, if they are still around that is.
    "Don't hit a man if you can possibly avoid it; but if you do hit him, put him to sleep." - Theodore Roosevelt

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    VIP Member Array packinnova's Avatar
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    For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house.
    That line right there says it all!
    "My God David, We're a Civilized society."

    "Sure, As long as the machines are workin' and you can call 911. But you take those things away, you throw people in the dark, and you scare the **** out of them; no more rules...You'll see how primitive they can get."
    -The Mist (2007)

  14. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miggy View Post


    RamRod, You were saying?
    That cat is definitely 'a cut above' the rest...
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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    VIP Member Array Eagleks's Avatar
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    My dau-in-law heard noises from the back door... to the screened in porch they had. She went back there, and a guy was halfway thru the door, trying to get the chain undone. She slammed her body against the door and the fight over the door was on.

    My grand-daughter had a part Siamese cat that loved her more than anything. My granddaughter entered the room, the cat jumped up on a box next to the door and straight into the guys face.... on full attack.

    The guy ran away with this "white" cat stuck to his face, and screaming.
    The police were called and arrived, I was called and arrived. As we were all talking... here came the cat back... it was "totally red" with blood. Thinking it's been hurt, we immediately take it in and begin cleaning it. The cat was unharmed, it was "his blood", not the cats.

    There was a new fresh snow on the ground... and the police realize there is a blood trail in the snow. They follow the footprints and blood to a house 3 doors down. The guy who answers the door, has deep scratch marks all over his face and neck, and a blood soaked towel that he's holding to his face.

    He was arrested for attempted burglary. The cat, received a lot of praise... and I learned ... never to mess with a cat when it was determined to protect it's owner.

  16. #15
    Distinguished Member Array Ghettokracker71's Avatar
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    haha, very nice. My cat likes to hold your finger/hand in its incribly sharp teeth if it wants attention bad enough, my old cat used to bit my nose/ears if I was in bed in order to wake me up to recieve proper attention,lol ...I love cats. Thats very interesting EagleKs, never would have thought of a cat as a home defender lol

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