Roping a deer
This is a discussion on Roping a deer within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Let me start off by saying I don't know who wrote this, but found this funny as heck.
Supposedly a true story written by a ...
November 21st, 2008 09:32 AM
Roping a deer
Let me start off by saying I don't know who wrote this, but found this funny as heck.
Supposedly a true story written by a man who owns a farm.
I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it
up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.
The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since
they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me
when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the
bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should
not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to
calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.
The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back.
They were not having any of it.
After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out.. ...a
likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw.. ..my
rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.
I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a
good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell i
t was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.
I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on
the rope and then received an education.
The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there
looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you
start pulling on that rope.
That deer EXPLODED.
The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger
than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight
down with a rope and with some dignity.
A deer-- no chance.
That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling
it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and
started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer
on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.
The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many other
A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me
off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes
to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the
big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed
venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.
I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it
would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.
At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that
moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was
Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly
arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks
as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to
recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of
responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to
have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between
my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like
a squeeze chute.
I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope
Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have
thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I
reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.
Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they
just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head --
almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.
The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw
back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was
It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it
was likely only several seconds.
I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by
now) tricked it.
While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up
with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final
lesson in deer behavior for the day.
Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their
back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves
are surprisingly sharp.
I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse -- strikes at
you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is
try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal.
This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.
This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not
work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.
I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.
The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse
that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the
back of the head.
They may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as
strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run , it hit me
right in the back of the head and knocked me down.
Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately
leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they
do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying
there crying like a little girl and covering your head.
I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a
scope to sort of even the odds.
"Without fear there can be no Courage!"
November 21st, 2008 09:48 AM
That sounds educational. How to NOT start the morning or words to that effect.
One should never confuse good fortune with good training.
Illegitimus Non Carborundum.
In God we trust.
November 21st, 2008 09:57 AM
November 21st, 2008 10:28 AM
enertaining read. i laughed the entire time.
"It is better to live one day as a lion than a hundred years as a sheep."
- Italian proverb
November 21st, 2008 11:21 AM
Might be fun to convince a first time "city boy" to try it. Just tell him that is how a "real man" hunts! Then sit back and watch the fun!!
Freedom doesn't come free. It is bought and paid for by the lives and blood of our men and women in uniform.
NRA Life Member
November 21st, 2008 11:42 AM
I watched a video of a guy in a tree stand only about 5 feet off the ground. His buddy was in a nearby tree doing the filming. He was trying to be cool and was set up low for a reason. When a doe walked by his stand he whipped it on the hind end with an arrow. You would not believe how fast she bucked and mule kicked her legs back. In super slow mo you could see that her hooves missed his face by an inch or less. Afterward he looked at the camera and realizing he was a inch or less from a trip to the ER and possibly losing his eyesight he said " Well that wasn't such a good idea." (paraphrasing). Those same words ran through my mind while reading this story.
I havenít heard any of the journalists who volunteered to be waterboarded asking to have their fingernails wrenched out with pliers, or electrodes attached to their genitals.
November 21st, 2008 12:01 PM
I'm bruised just reading that, very funny!
"Don't hit a man if you can possibly avoid it; but if you do hit him, put him to sleep." - Theodore Roosevelt
November 21st, 2008 12:14 PM
IIRC I think I read a story where some guy hid in a tree and places a bunch of corn under it thinking he was gonna jump on the deer and cut it's throat with a knife,pretty much same results
Originally Posted by atctimmy
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .
November 21st, 2008 12:29 PM
Great story, smiled through the whole thing!
Thanks for posting.
EOD - Initial success or total failure
November 21st, 2008 01:02 PM
Archer, if it wasn't against Forum Regs, I'd would give you a digital rendition of my opinion regarding your post.
Originally Posted by archer51
You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
November 21st, 2008 01:07 PM
Coffee on keyboard.....darn...........Still crying.........
The tyrant dies and his rule is over, the martyr dies and his rule begins. ― The Journals of Kierkegaard
November 21st, 2008 01:43 PM
Now that funny right there, I don't care who you are.
November 21st, 2008 05:26 PM
A good rule of thumb.
No matter how tame they appear to be , all wild animals are dangerous animals.
November 21st, 2008 06:12 PM
the tears... they won't stop... Thanks for sharing.
November 21st, 2008 06:20 PM
If you're a cowboy, you'll know what I mean...
He forgot to include his Heeler!
Treat me good, I'll treat you better. Treat me bad, I'll treat you worse.
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