After reading the post about the man waking up as a woman, it reminded me of this shower scenario differences between men and women. I "cleaned" it up some, at least to family level I think, if not I apologize in advance.
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in another towel the same size as the first. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and giant towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile, as you stand up, flip drawers with your foot in another direction . Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, scare her and make a 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your stomach and scratch any itchy areas. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Make any disgusting noise you like, and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Do not waste soap or time by washing off any hair stuck on the soap. Wash your hair, bar soap is just fine. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Rinse off and get out of shower, if some soap still remains don't worry about it. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire physique in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, scare her again and make the 'woo-woo' sound. Throw wet towel on bed.