This is a discussion on Not getting any? within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I took this off another forum... One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, ...
I took this off another forum...
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,
'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying,
'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, Let's get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings...
Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.'
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
And right after that, my wife woulda punched me right in the mouth!
"Government is not the solution to our problem; government IS the problem". - Ronald Reagan 1981
Wow just wow
The choices you make today define you of who you are tommorow
When you see the light at the end of the tunnel your life is not over..... it is just about to begin
COPS Protective Services
Heck yes. Now that's a good one.
and you're still alive to post this? i didn't know the dog house in the back yard had wireless!! :-o
That has me ROTF. Never in my life wiould I have thought of it. Must forward to wife before I think about it and change my mind.
"I cannot undertake to lay my finger on that article of the Constitution, which granted a right to Congress of expending, on objects of benevolence, the money of their constituents." -1792, James Madison
There are always too many Democratic, Republican and never enough U.S. congressmen.
serves her right! GIRLS!
"Brains before Bullets"
Hell my wife would have shot me after that!!
"Without fear there can be no Courage!"
The story is so true. Wish I would have thought of it...brilliant!
Treat me good, I'll treat you better. Treat me bad, I'll treat you worse.
Havn't laughed that hard since I heard Obama was running for the President!
"Our Country won't go on forever, if we stay as soft as we are now. There won't
be any AMERICA left because some foreign soldiery will invade us and take our
women and breed a hardier race!"
-Lt. Gen. Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC
If it were only that easy.