Darwin awards

Darwin awards

This is a discussion on Darwin awards within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Just passing it on. It's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual honor given to the persons who did the gene ...

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Thread: Darwin awards

  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array Reborn's Avatar
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    Darwin awards

    Just passing it on.

    It's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

    Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out.

    This year's winner was a real rocket scientist.... HONEST!

    Read on...And remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY.

    * * * * * * * * * *
    And the nominees were:

    Semifinalist #1

    A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he rushed to vomit into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his unfortunate sister.

    Semifinalist #2

    Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles (HARD to control light airplanes when everyone moves to one side).

    Semifinalist #3

    A 22-year-old Reston, VA man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. 'The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground’, Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was 'Major trauma.'

    Semifinalist #4

    A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend -- no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate – was hospitalized.

    Semifinalist #5

    Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.

    After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter.

    Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.

    ****** Now, to the winner of this year's Darwin Award *******

    (awarded, as always, posthumously):

    The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist ... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!

    The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.

    The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and & continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.

    The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
    Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.

    You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?

    Psalms 144:1
    Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight.
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  2. #2
    Senior Member Array walvord's Avatar
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    I hate seeing a classic 1967 Chevy Impala destroyed.
    The most exhilarating thing in life is getting shot at with no results.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member Array Hydrashok Glock's Avatar
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    Hey i am definatly not trying to burst anyones bubble or being mean but is this a new person who did this because i heard about this story about 5 years or so ago. Is this new or old?
    The choices you make today define you of who you are tommorow

    When you see the light at the end of the tunnel your life is not over..... it is just about to begin

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  4. #4
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    snopes.com: 2004 Darwin Awards

    One is real the rest are fake and they are a combo of sevearl past darwin bogus emails
    A real man loves his wife, and places his family as the most important thing in life. Nothing has brought me more peace and content in life than simply being a good husband and father.

  5. #5
    Restricted Member Array SelfDefense's Avatar
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    May 2007
    The real Darwin award goes to the people who believe this stuff.

  6. #6
    VIP Member Array cvhoss's Avatar
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    The Darwin Awards web site and their story about the rocket car from 1995.

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  7. #7
    Array GBS's Avatar
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    Oct 2007
    Central California

    Death by Acetylene

    A student was bored with his metal shop class, thought of a creative way to entertain himself. He took an acetylene torch and managed to fill his lungs with the flamable gas. He then proceeded to take the striker (a device used to start the flame), and held it to his lips. One can only imagine that the student had planned on looking like a huge bic ligher, but the results were not quite so amusing, at least to the student. Bystanders heard a muffled explosion, the student headed for the drinking fountain, but collapsed before getting there. He died on the way to the hospital. The postmortem exam revealed the heat from the acetylene had seared the alveoli (lining of the lugs that allows the exchange of oxygen with carbon dioxide) thus 'sealing' his fate.

  8. #8
    VIP Member Array hogdaddy's Avatar
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    Mooning fro a AIRPLANE

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