I said sorry, but my kid still hates me...

I said sorry, but my kid still hates me...

This is a discussion on I said sorry, but my kid still hates me... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; My female dog had a litter of puppies 8 weeks ago and the last one went tonight. My daughter had promised one of the pups ...

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Thread: I said sorry, but my kid still hates me...

  1. #1
    Member Array major99's Avatar
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    I said sorry, but my kid still hates me...

    My female dog had a litter of puppies 8 weeks ago and the last one went tonight. My daughter had promised one of the pups to her friend. I spoke with her friends mother and was told that she could have it but the kid will have to pay for everything. IMO that means that the dog will not get the attention and love that it needs if my daughters friend doesnt have the money for food, shots, a vet visit etc. BTW the girls in question are 16 and neither has a job yet. I made the decision to sell the puppy to a friend who has a job and can properly take care of the pup. Yes, I feel guilty because both girls loved that dog more than any of the others, but I also feel a sense of responsibility to the animal to give her as good a home as I possibly can. To answer a question that may arise, I just cant have any more animals, I feel like Dr Doolittle already. Sorry, just had to vent. It kills me to make either of these girls sad or upset.


  2. #2
    Distinguished Member Array C9H13NO3's Avatar
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    Good call for the animal's sake.
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    All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

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    VIP Member Array Ridgeline's Avatar
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    If you were to later find out that the pup was not being properly taken care of you would them be second guessing yourself. Good call, for all involved.
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    Good call. Teaches your daughter about the importance of making responsible decisions based on what is, instead of what we might like. The puppy couldn't get proper care, you felt, in the home your daughter preferred for it. You made a decision which taught your daughter the importance of doing the right thing. She will get over it.

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    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by major99 View Post
    It kills me to make either of these girls sad or upset.
    It would really "kill" you if dereliction due to lack of funds killed the pet. IMO, you have done nothing requiring apologies, as you didn't cause the situation of the friend's lack of funds. Financial responsibility is a tough lesson. It's learned when you are gainfully employed and work hard for your own rewards. Pouting and guilt trips are often the flipside and the alternative, and those often come from silly expectations not grounded in reality.

    At some point, they'll get over it, if indeed they end up learning the lessons of responsibility. At 16, one would think your kid is sufficiently versed in the language to understand a simple sit-down talk's topic. Depends on the kid. Good luck.
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    VIP Member Array boricua's Avatar
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    The girls will get over it sooner or later. You did the right thing, and as a pet owner, I thank you.
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    Member Array major99's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ccw9mm View Post

    At some point, they'll get over it, if indeed they end up learning the lessons of responsibility. At 16, one would think your kid is sufficiently versed in the language to understand a simple sit-down talk's topic. Depends on the kid. Good luck.
    You are right. I dont know if you have a daughter though, it is tough on me to make a decision that ultimately hurts her feelings. I am confident that she will get over it but she is a good kid and usually doesnt ask for much, so it seems worse for me I guess. Jeez , I feel like I should be sitting here with a pint of Ben and Jerrys and having a good cry....are big men with guns supposed to have feelings????

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    You are thinking like an adult, not a 16 year-old......glad you thought about the dog, too.
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    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by major99 View Post
    ... it is tough on me to make a decision that ultimately hurts her feelings.
    What's really going to sting is when, in a few years with a much tougher situation, she realizes she has failed to understand the lessons offered from this scenario.

    Here are further lessons for her to understand:
    • Do not make promises on the dispensation of other people's property. Absolutely don't do that prior to first speaking with the person.
    • Do not put others in a bind based on promises you yourself might not be able to keep.
    • Do not expect to foist guilt on another as a weapon and have it yield the result you expect. You might well be seriously disappointed in the fallacy of that "argument."
    • A parent's responsibility isn't merely to feed a child ... it's to prepare a child.
    • Respect is earned through one's actions and words. If burned, such as through misrepresentation or even unreasonably pushing a guilt trip on someone, it can take time to repair and earn it back.


    Real life can be rough for those who don't learn the basics. Better that she learn them now. Both of them. To the extent you can help, you're doing your job as a parent and mentor to these young pups. Kudos on the efforts!!
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    Senior Member Array jframe38's Avatar
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    Teenagers

    Without reading your first word I bet myself that your kid was between 14 & 16. If they are going to hate us ... that's the age. Doesn't matter what happened. If it wasn't this it would have been something else.

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    Senior Member Array dnowell's Avatar
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    That cannot possibly have been a fun conversation. Good for you - not many parents willing to do what's necessary.

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    Sounds like you would have been placing that pup into a home where at least one responsible parent didn't want to have anything to do with having a pet in the home.
    For sure that is not an ideal environment to put a rambunctious little dog into for lots of reasons.

    You did the right thing. Your daughter will get over it soon.

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    If your teenager doesn't "hate" you every now and again, you are not doing your job as a parent.

    As a veterinarian, I thank you. Too many people acquire animals with absolutely no thought to how they are going to feed and care for them, much less provide even basic veterinary care. Pet ownership is a responsibility, not a right.

    Real love for one's pets is more than just an emotion. Real love means understanding the lifetime commitment of being a pet owner, and being at least somewhat capable of fulfilling it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by major99 View Post
    My female dog had a litter of puppies 8 weeks ago and the last one went tonight. My daughter had promised one of the pups to her friend. I spoke with her friends mother and was told that she could have it but the kid will have to pay for everything. IMO that means that the dog will not get the attention and love that it needs if my daughters friend doesnt have the money for food, shots, a vet visit etc. BTW the girls in question are 16 and neither has a job yet. I made the decision to sell the puppy to a friend who has a job and can properly take care of the pup. Yes, I feel guilty because both girls loved that dog more than any of the others, but I also feel a sense of responsibility to the animal to give her as good a home as I possibly can. To answer a question that may arise, I just cant have any more animals, I feel like Dr Doolittle already. Sorry, just had to vent. It kills me to make either of these girls sad or upset.
    Good call. I volunteer for Belgian Malinois rescue, and one of the things I do for them is interview potential adopters. Based on her mom's statement, I would have disqualified the household to adopt, because the mother is not willing to accept the responsibility of owning and caring for a dog.

    That's the exact setup that ends up with the dog being neglected and then dumped in a shelter. You made the hard choice to do the right thing. Someday, hopefully she'll understand the example you've set and appreciate it.

    Matt
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    Member Array ChiWeiSz's Avatar
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    We lived in Taiwan for 10 years, and just moved to Texas one year ago. We had two pure bred Beagle boys, who had been our kids constant companions for a little longer than 5 years.

    Our plan was to return to Taiwan after a short 7 month hiatus here in the US, but that plan changed and we are here permanently.

    Anyway, our daughter was 18 our son 14 at the time - we decided to give the dogs away. I say "we" - it was really my wife and my decision. However, we discussed all the options with the kids, the pros and cons of all the different descisions we could make, etc.

    Both children were angry - mostly our daughter. After our arrival in the US, and our discovery that we were going to stay - the anger flared back up, "We could have brought the dogs!!"

    Sure we all felt bad, but the decision had already been made, the dogs had been given away. We all miss the dogs - but they are being better taken care of, without all that hassle of moving them from one country to another, etc.

    Every now and then the subject of the dogs comes back up - with a little anger, but mostly just missing them.

    My point is this - the decesion is hard, but you daughter will get over it - it just takes time. Hug her, listen to her, accept her feelings. Stick to your decisions.

    sorry man, I truly feel your pain.
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