Butt Dust?

Butt Dust?

This is a discussion on Butt Dust? within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; What, you ask, is 'Butt dust?' Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is ...

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Thread: Butt Dust?

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    Butt Dust?

    What, you ask, is 'Butt dust?'
    Read on and you'll discover the joy in it!
    These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!

    JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his
    new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one
    for hot and one for cold milk?'

    MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was Granny replied she was so
    old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you
    must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'

    STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much
    that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

    BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain
    to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained
    it was a
    child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her.
    Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked:
    'How does it know it's me?'

    SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't
    give me this juice again,'
    she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'

    DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

    MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing
    in a restaurant.
    Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad:
    'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

    CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what
    was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed
    when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'

    JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named
    Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked
    back and
    was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked:
    'What happened to the flea?'

    TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled
    woman her Mom knew.
    Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked,
    'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'

    THE SERMON: I think this Mom will never forget this particular Sunday
    sermon...
    'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a
    rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...'

    He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was
    listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little
    four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
    Kids say the darndest things LOL
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .


  2. #2
    Distinguished Member Array Gunnutty's Avatar
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    As a pastor I can relate to the last one.
    Was preaching one Sunday morning and a little boy was being a little bit of a problem for his dad. After several warnings,( I could see this from the pulpit) his dad picked him up and headed out.
    As they were leaving the little boy looked over his dads shoulder and said;
    " Well boys it's been nice knowing you." Thus endeth the sermon.
    We will be much better off when we learn to deal with things as they really are, instead of how we wish them to be!

  3. #3
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gunnutty View Post
    As a pastor I can relate to the last one.
    Was preaching one Sunday morning and a little boy was being a little bit of a problem for his dad. After several warnings,( I could see this from the pulpit) his dad picked him up and headed out.
    As they were leaving the little boy looked over his dads shoulder and said;
    " Well boys it's been nice knowing you." Thus endeth the sermon.
    I think Ida peed myself if that happened while I was there
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

  4. #4
    Distinguished Member Array Gunnutty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dukalmighty View Post
    I think Ida peed myself if that happened while I was there
    A lady on the front row almost did!!
    We will be much better off when we learn to deal with things as they really are, instead of how we wish them to be!

  5. #5
    VIP Member Array Patti's Avatar
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    When my daughter was about 5, I asked her if she wanted to go to gymnastics.

    She had a real serious look on her face and said "NO".

    I asked her why not?

    She said "I don't want to go to Jim Nasty's."

    It just didn't sound right to her.

    ******

    And once I took her with me to go vote, which was at a church near our house. She asked me "why" and I told her we were voting for a new president.

    She said "uh-huh...cause that 'nother presdent got shot in the head at the movie show".

    I guess earlier in the day her pre-school teacher had told the kids about Abraham Lincoln.

  6. #6
    Member Array Krockett's Avatar
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    This is an awesome thread... kids are sooo funny!!

  7. #7
    Senior Member Array Juggernaut's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patti View Post
    When my daughter was about 5, I asked her if she wanted to go to gymnastics.

    She had a real serious look on her face and said "NO".

    I asked her why not?

    She said "I don't want to go to Jim Nasty's."

    It just didn't sound right to her.

    ******
    I remember once on one of the last "family trips" I went on, my dad wanted to drive from their house to Miami to see his cousins. None of we wanted to take that three hour drive on New Year's Day and he asked us if we'd reconsidered going and said, "I want to go to Miami."
    My sister, four at the time, replied, "Daddy, no one wants to go to your ammy."
    Vis consili expers mole ruit sua.
    -Horace

  8. #8
    Member Array OldFatMan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gunnutty View Post
    " Well boys it's been nice knowing you." Thus endeth the sermon.
    A friends little boy looked back as he was being "removed" from services and announced "Yall pray for me". He was brought up right!
    I don't carry a gun because I feel inadequate.

    I carry a gun because unarmed and facing three armed thugs, I am inadequate.

  9. #9
    VIP Member Array artz's Avatar
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    LOL !
    " Refuse to be a victim, make sure there is a round chambered ! "

    Just call me a pessimistic optimist !

    U.S. Navy vet 1981-1992

  10. #10
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    I was having this same conversation at work today and a friend told me that one day while driving with his son he saw a HUGE flock of black birds milling about (those of you in the North East know what I'm talking about). He pointed them out to his son and said "Look at that big flock of birds". His son said "Wow dad that must be all of them!"
    I havenít heard any of the journalists who volunteered to be waterboarded asking to have their fingernails wrenched out with pliers, or electrodes attached to their genitals.

  11. #11
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    We were sitting in a church service listening to a guest preacher.

    He's walking around and talking and he asks a rhetorical question...who here likes baseball?

    My 4 year old stands up in the pew,raises his hand and at the top of his voice says "I DO!".

    The preacher was so got, that he started laughing and forgot what he was talking about. The whole church was laughing. It took the place a full 5 minutes to settle down and get back into it.
    I would rather stand against the cannons of the wicked than against the prayers of the righteous.


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  12. #12
    Distinguished Member Array SonofASniper's Avatar
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    When I was about 6, our preacher was giving a sermon on money and he asked "Who here will say that money makes them happy?" I immediately raised my hand high in the air. The preacher then looked at the attendance number and promptly said that their out of a 196 people, a 195 of them were bold face liars and it took a little boy to point that out.
    I will support gun control when you can guarantee all guns are removed from this planet. That includes military and law enforcement. When you can accomplish that, then I will be the last person to lay down my gun. Then I will carry the weapon that replaces the gun.

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