This is a discussion on Apology to a mugger! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; A friend of mine just sent me this e-mail and I found it to funny not to share with You Folks. It was an add ...
A friend of mine just sent me this e-mail and I found it to funny not to share with You Folks. It was an add on Craig's list!
To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )
> I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I
> hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You
> also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow
> across this message. I'd like to apologize.
> I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you
> took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason tha t
> evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just
> bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just
> picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?
> It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?
> I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever
> you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm
> sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes,
> cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your
> buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of
> your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and
> to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave
> your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along
> with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a
> I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your
> bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the
> line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't
> know what's going on with that.
> I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make
> some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it.
> Oh well.
> So, about your pants; I know that I was a little rough on you when you
> this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm
> sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd
> like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand
> did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for
> not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm
> hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you
> might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do
> lunch and laundry. Peace! - Alex
I carry a gun because cops are too heavy!
Take my advice, Don't take my advice!