Apology to a mugger!

Apology to a mugger!

This is a discussion on Apology to a mugger! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; A friend of mine just sent me this e-mail and I found it to funny not to share with You Folks. It was an add ...

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Thread: Apology to a mugger!

  1. #1
    Member Array Conan's Avatar
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    Apology to a mugger!

    A friend of mine just sent me this e-mail and I found it to funny not to share with You Folks. It was an add on Craig's list!


    To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )

    >

    > I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I

    > hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You

    > also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow

    > come

    > across this message. I'd like to apologize.

    >

    > I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you

    > took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason tha t

    > evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just

    > bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just

    > picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?

    > It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

    >

    > I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever

    > you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm

    > sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes,

    > cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your

    > buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of

    > calling

    > your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and

    > explaining

    > to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave

    > your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along

    > with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a

    > dumpster.

    >

    > I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your

    > bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the

    > line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't

    > know what's going on with that.

    > I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make

    > some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it.

    > Oh well.

    >

    > So, about your pants; I know that I was a little rough on you when you

    > did

    > this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm

    > sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd

    > like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand

    > did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for

    > not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm

    > hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you

    > might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do

    > lunch and laundry. Peace! - Alex

    >

    >


    >

    >

    >

    >
    I carry a gun because cops are too heavy!
    Take my advice, Don't take my advice!


  2. #2
    JD
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