This is a discussion on Borrowed Funny within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; This was in my latest Brownell's newsletter and I almost hurt myself laughing at it. Enjoy! The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him ...
This was in my latest Brownell's newsletter and I almost hurt myself laughing at it. Enjoy!The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa shows up with his attorney.
The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein
Join the NRA and Gun Owners of America.
Sometimes in life you have to stand your ground. It's a hard lesson to learn and even most adults don't get it, but in the end only I can be responsible for my life. If faced with any type of adversity, only I can overcome it. Waiting for someone else to take responsibility is a long fruitless wait.
I guess that if you can't get the IRS the next best thing would be the attorney.
Its a shame that youth is wasted on the young.
That's GREAT! Very Funny! My wife laughed so hard she had to use her asthma inhaler!
I'll bet you'll be requested to replace at least 1 keyboard.
I'll have to remember that if I ever get audited!
That was great!
EOD - Initial success or total failure
I heard a variation of that joke several years ago, but the punchline was basically the same.
"I pledge allegiance to the war banner of the united states of Totalitaria. And to the Republic, which no longer stands, several bankers, who are now god, indivisible, with Bernanke bucks and credit for all."
Ooh, it hurts. My sides are killing me!
This is awesome
"Don't hit a man if you can possibly avoid it; but if you do hit him, put him to sleep." - Theodore Roosevelt
Yep. Grandpa was a smart old geezer.