Man Rules...

Man Rules...

This is a discussion on Man Rules... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; The Man Rules At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally , the guys' side of the story. ( ...

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Thread: Man Rules...

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Dec 2004
    Battle Creek, Mi.

    Wink Man Rules...

    The Man Rules
    At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

    Finally , the guys' side of the story.
    ( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
    We always hear " the rules " From the female side.
    Now here are the rules from the male side.

    These are our rules!
    Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "

    1. Men are NOT mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
    or Hockey.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

    1. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

    But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

  2. #2
    Distinguished Member Array pcon's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    San Angelo, Texas
    Μολὼν λαβέ

    memento mori

  3. #3
    VIP Member Array JAT40's Avatar
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    Jul 2008
    While people are saying "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, ... and they will not escape. 1Th 5:3

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  5. #4
    VIP Member Array Paco's Avatar
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    Mar 2008
    McKinney, TX
    I have actually forwarded that to my Wife in the past, but they weren't all number 1 (which is awesome).
    "Don't hit a man if you can possibly avoid it; but if you do hit him, put him to sleep." - Theodore Roosevelt


  6. #5
    VIP Member Array Kerbouchard's Avatar
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    Dec 2007
    You left out a few from the version I saw.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
    See a doctor.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
    And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
    There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil.

    Who is John Galt?

  7. #6
    VIP Member Array Patti's Avatar
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    Dec 2008
    La La Land
    Let me know how your "man rules" work out for you!

    You might want to check "Beware of The Dog House" out first:

    YouTube - Beware of the Doghouse- Hilarious!

  8. #7
    Distinguished Member Array Paymeister's Avatar
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    Sep 2007

    My wife's perspective

    In presenting this to my wife (carefully), we had an interesting discussion:

    Evidently headaches (long ones) can be caused by:
    • True medical problems. Maybe your wife DOES need to see a doctor.
    • Failure of the husband to shower of an evening or use an effective deodorant (obviously she's talking theoretically here);
    • Stubble (on the husband, not the wife); or
    • Simple exhaustion (house/kids/mess/job); Dad taking over for a few hours is evidently an excellent treatment for such headaches;

    Regarding the soap-opera guys (I told her I actually wasn't sure how the Victoria's Secret girls were dressed) - she's not interested in some shallow pretty-boy who can't keep it zipped; rather, she suggests that most women instead respect:
    • A faithful husband;
    • Who goes to work every day to take care of her and the kids;
    • Praises the food she works hard to make nutitious and attractive;
    • Looks at her with gratitude (similar to the way she appreciates his sacrifices);
    • Tells her he loves her so much he wouldn't trade her for a hundred dollars and a setting hen;
    • Fixes things around the house (she says guys look sexy in a tool belt and flannel shirt).
    • She also noted that a good family man doesn't need to worry about how he looks.

    She allowed that monster trucks really were a Dad-Son thing, but she does wants learn to shoot (and needs encouragement and a gentle pace);

    She honestly does think that shopping really is a sport (akin to a big-game hunt), but confessed that much of the desire to have me along was because she enjoys my company - and likes having a bodyguard in the mall. She says we can go to the gun shop afterwards and she promised to try and learn something (whoo-woo! I may go wild and take her to Taco Bell to complete the day!).

    And she says she greatly appreciates all of the guys out there who really do care, work hard, love their families and are doing their best to live with their wife in understanding and gratitude. Good on ya!

    (Note: I think I'll continue to put the seat down.)
    Recently updated website:

  9. #8
    Senior Member Array paul45's Avatar
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    Apr 2008
    SML, VA
    I have a set of rules that I have lived by for 38years of mariage. I basiclly do what I am asked, live in fear and keep buying my guns, MC's & cars and NEVER complaint about what she buys.
    We agree to disagree but never go to bed angery. We give each other pitty dates ( shopping, gun shows, fancy resturants, car shows, etc). We still like (LOVE) each other, so I guess it works for us.
    BUT I DO LIKE THESE RULES - I am just not armed well enough to have them work for me.
    "Being PARANOID is just plain smart thinking when they are really out to get you!"

  10. #9
    JD is offline
    Array JD's Avatar
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    Jun 2006
    Central Iowa

    My favorite:
    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    Hey, I can dream can't I?

  11. #10
    VIP Member Array artz's Avatar
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    Jan 2006
    LOL !
    " Refuse to be a victim, make sure there is a round chambered ! "

    Just call me a pessimistic optimist !

    U.S. Navy vet 1981-1992

  12. #11
    Member Array Kovernm's Avatar
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    Apr 2008
    Those are great.

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