Teachers say the darndest things...

Teachers say the darndest things...

This is a discussion on Teachers say the darndest things... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded for telling ...

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  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Talking Teachers say the darndest things...

    These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system.
    All teachers were reprimanded for telling the truth...

    1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

    2.. I would not allow this student to breed.

    3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

    4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

    5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

    6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

    7. This child has been working with glue too much.

    8.. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

    9.. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

    10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

    11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others..

    12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array Paco's Avatar
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    I bet they all came from Teachers in the Dallas ISD too. When I was a student there I had a few doosies of Teachers.
    "Don't hit a man if you can possibly avoid it; but if you do hit him, put him to sleep." - Theodore Roosevelt

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  3. #3
    Member Array mutumbo's Avatar
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    hahaha that was great.

  4. #4
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    Array RETSUPT99's Avatar
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    I work in a school...
    I know some of those kids, too!
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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  5. #5
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    If a teacher ever really said any of those there would be a lawsuit. If a teacher said them to me about my son there would be a teacher in dire need of some dental work.
    It is surely true that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. Nor can you make them grateful for your efforts.

  6. #6
    Member Array muddy's Avatar
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    I think if a teacher ever said anything like that about a kid made the parent should take a very hard look at there kids. But of course its always the teachers fault not your darling little boy or girl.

  7. #7
    VIP Member Array ExactlyMyPoint's Avatar
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    The parents should obviously be aware of the need for improvement in the child. But it is all a matter of how it is said. Here is an example:

    Right way: When I look at you, time stands still

    Wrong way: Your face can stop a clock.

    Guess which one works better. Not that I would know from personal experience. Nope. Not me.
    Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse or Rapture....whichever comes first.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Array Jackle1886's Avatar
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    My teacher gf got a kick outta these as well as I.
    Better to die on your feet, than to live on your knees.

  9. #9
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Different times different teachers, when in Jr HS (60's) I had a been sick for a spell and had a teacher tell me that if I were to stand on my head and the problem went to my feet we could find out where the problem was.... Sarcasm is still in use today as well....
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

  10. #10
    Ex Member Array Acecool's Avatar
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    Freedom of speech :-)

  11. #11
    Senior Member Array bbqgrill's Avatar
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    Two recent comments made to my kids by a history teacher

    1 - "we need better gun control to protect us from ceramic guns that can't be detected by metal detectors"

    2 - during a discussion of the Viet Nam War after watching a video

    student "what do thet mean when they say ARVN"

    teacher "they were small tanks"

    student "OK thanks"

    In both situations my kid raised the error to the teachers attention where the reply was "oh I guess I got that wrong".
    "To believe that social reforms can eradicate evil altogether is to forget that evil is a protean creature, forever assuming a new shape when deprived of an old one." - SAT

    Never argue with an idiot - they'll bring you down to their level then beat you with experience.

  12. #12
    Distinguished Member Array Paymeister's Avatar
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    As a former teacher I'm guessing that these were what the teachers WANTED to say rather than being from actual report cards. Regardless of the truthfulness of such statements, there comes a point where one doesn't bother with such flowery speech - they wouldn't get it.

    My favorite along these lines, though, was actually was ME saying it in MY high school biology classroom to one of MY students (I was there, and figured I would get written up for it, but also figured it would be worth it). I stole the concept from an old Reader's Digest (gotta give credit), but I executed it well:

    A student turned in a quiz with the word 'burro' describing a prarie animal's home. I couldn't believe my luck: I said, "John, a 'B-U-R-R-O' is an donkey; a 'B-U-R-R-O-W' is a hole in the ground. Be sure you know the difference."

    The kid nodded dutifully and we went on... while my teaching assistant in the back nearly swallowed his tongue laughing. NONE of my students got it, but *I* knew!

    I left teaching a couple of years after that; we homeschooled our daughter.
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  13. #13
    Member Array Skye's Avatar
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    This one is true!

    When in HS I flunked algebra II twice.

    I told Mrs. Bracken (Braken's brackets we called her) that I had really tried hard and didn't think I deserved to get an "F" in her class.

    She looked me straight in the eye and with a little smile said, "I don't think you deserved an "F" either. But unfortunately that's all the lower the grades go."

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