The speeding ticket...

The speeding ticket...

This is a discussion on The speeding ticket... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Some old lady got pulled over by a cop for driving too fast, and the cop asked for her license. She says "I don't got ...

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Thread: The speeding ticket...

  1. #1
    Member Array sheffd's Avatar
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    Mar 2009

    The speeding ticket...

    Some old lady got pulled over by a cop for driving too fast, and the cop asked for her license. She says "I don't got a license! You jerks took it last year for drinking and driving!"

    The cop's eyes widen a bit, "Can I see your registration?"

    "Hell no! This ain't my car! I shot the guy driving it, cut 'im up, and put the pieces in the trunk. Chain-saw's back there too!"

    The cop's scared to death at this point. He calls in for back up and soon enough there's twenty cops, a SWAT team, and helicopters surrounding the lady. They search her car, but find nothing.

    The Chief cautiously walks up to the lady, and asks her if she's got an ID. "Well sure sir, here you go" she says as she pulls out her license and offers it to him.

    The Chief looks confused. "Do you, uh, have your registration?"

    "Yes sir, its in the car."

    Sure enough, there is was. The Chief doesn't know what to think now. "Ma'am, we had a report that you stole this car, killed the owner and stuck his remains in the trunk."

    "I bet they told you I was speeding too..."
    Sometimes you find your destiny on the road you chose to avoid it.

  2. #2
    Member Array oldogy's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    East TN&OH
    First time I've heard this variation. Funny.
    Government is out of control
    "If gun laws in fact worked, the sponsors of this type of legislation should have no difficulty drawing upon long lists of examples of crime rates reduced by such legislation. That they cannot do so after a century and a half of trying -- " Sen Orrin G. Hatch

  3. #3
    Distinguished Member Array Guardian's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    Wichita Falls, Texas
    That's cute, I haven't seen that before.
    "I dislike death, however, there are some things I dislike more than death. Therefore, there are times when I will not avoid danger" Mencius"

  4. #4
    Distinguished Member Array Bunny's Avatar
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    Mar 2009
    North Carolina - LKN
    rofl! Have to remember that if I'm ever pulled over! :)
    Don't frisk me, I am the weapon.

    Sig Sauer P239 DAK (9mm)
    NRA Member & Pistol Instructor

  5. #5
    VIP Member Array boricua's Avatar
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    Dec 2008
    Raleigh, NC
    Duty, Honor, Country...MEDIC!!!
    ¡Cuánto duele crecer, cuan hondo es el dolor de alzarse en puntillas y observar con temblores de angustia, esa cosa tremenda, que es la vida del hombre! - René Marqués

  6. #6
    Member Array CRags99's Avatar
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    May 2009
    Benton, KY
    Glock 27

    "Criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot."

  7. #7
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    A perfectly executed "straw man" argument. Smooooth.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: Why the Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).

  8. #8
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    Jan 2008
    Mid-Hudson Valley New York State
    Cute. I will mention that to the next officer that pulls me over!
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

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