Maybe Bumper... I bet he's got a lot of scratch...
World's Most Litigious Man Suing Guinness Book of World Records?
By SCOTT MICHELS and SARAH NETTER
May 26, 2009
After hearing the Guinness Book of World Records planned to name him the most litigious man, one federal prisoner did what he does best -- he sued.
Jonathan Lee Riches' rambling lawsuit against the record-holding institution and several others is just the latest in his growing stash of outrageous court filings against everyone from New England Patriot's coach Bill Belichick to Martha Stewart.
But Riches is not alone in trying up the legal system. Sometimes the coffee is just too hot. Or the the dry cleaners lost a favorite pair of pants. Sometimes, like one Colorado inmate who hurt himself rappelling down a jail wall claimed, sheriff's officials made escaping a little too easy.
Hundreds of lawsuits are filed every day in the United States, for claims ranging from legitimate to ridiculous. A survey of 34 state court systems found 433,000 new tort cases in 2006, down from 547,000 in 1997, according to the National Center for State Courts.
A woman famously sued McDonald's in the early 1990s after she spilled scalding coffee on her legs. A jury awarded her more than $2 million, which was reduced by a judge. A Michael Jordan look-alike sued Nike and Jordan for $862 million because he found it distressing to be mistaken for the basketball star. He dropped his suit after a wave of negative news articles.
"When people bring suits they often sue for the moon," says Phillip Howard, chairman of Common Good, a legal reform coalition. "Some people will bring suits over any accident or perceived slight and the broad effect of that is that people in society go through the day looking over their shoulders."
Here are a few of the more controversial recent lawsuits.
Can Guinness Listing Cause 'Danger and Bodily Harm?
As if finding out he was to be named the world's most litigious man by the Guinness Book of World Records wasn't bad enough, they got the tally wrong, according to federal prisoner Jonathan Lee Riches, who is now suing.
Imprisoned in Lexington, Ky., for wire fraud, Riches, aka Irving Picard, wrote in his handwritten document that he's actually filed more than 4,000 lawsuits in countless courts, not 5,500 as mentioned in a letter Riches said he got from Guinness congratulating him on his distinction.
Riches said in his lawsuit that he sent Guinness Book of World Records 10 letters declining the offer because the facts were wrong.
Among this clown's defendants:
The New England Patriots coach was sued for “illegal surveillance”. The rambling document, which states that Belichick bugged the home of NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, placed a listening device “in Donovan McNabb’s Chunky Soup”, surveilled the home of New York Jets quarterback Chad Pennington, and planted a recording device on San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawn Merriman’s sleeve, finally tells at the end that Belichick illegally taped Riches’ prison phone calls and sold the tapes to CNN.
Martha Stewart"My heart is broke forever…I’m terrified of defendant Belichick…He told me that if I expose his wiretaps he would get the owner of the Patriots, Mr. Kraft, who owns Kraft Foods, to put poison in the Kraft cheese I eat at prison."
The entrepreneur who did some jail time herself was sued for supposedly violating Riches’ rights in a real estate deal. Riches seeks $3.5 million in damages from Stewart for “emotional, mental, psychological distress.” Riches says he will donate any damages he collects to television cook Rachael Ray.
According to boston.com:
Jeff GordonHe claims the real estate listing for the property falsely claimed it was painted with Dutch Boy paint. The suit also states that while touring the property (although records indicate he would have been in incarcerated at the time) Riches contracted poison ivy, was scratched by pricker bushes and fell in a groundhog hole.
Riches also claims he saw Stewart’s turkeys playing football with Vick’s jerseys and that the birds attacked him. And, recently resigned Bush political strategist Karl Rove has found a new job working on Stewart’s estate as her gardener.
The NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon was sued for, in Riches’ words, “Recklessly Drivin’ My Life Crazy.”
Man, Riches must really dig Karl Rove. He also states that “Gordon told me secret plans to put wings on the #24 car and fly it into Ft. Knox.”The handwritten, 3-page complaint goes on to accuse Gordon of a litany of other crimes–from poisoning fans with chemical weapons, to wrecking other drivers by dropping Tic Tacs and oil on the track through a secret trap door under his race car.
In one section Riches states, “Gordon tied me to his bumper during the Talladega race.” Elsewhere he complains, “Karl Rove left the White House to work as Gordon’s tire changer.”
Michael VickSo how is a convicted federal inmate able to keep filing all of these frivolous complaints and wasting time, money and manpower in an already swamped legal system? Simply put, anyone is allowed to do it.
There is one line though that is telling of a man’s mental condition, “Plaintiff seeks 22,000,000,000.00 Billion dollars…” That’s just greedy, not crazy.
According to AJC, the infamous Atlanta Falcons quarterback (along with PETA, the Humane Society, a prison warden, and a federal judge) was sued for being the ringleader of a “vast conspiracy to kidnap my mind, hijack my soul.”
This particular lawsuit was tossed out, but there’s another lawsuit, where Riches says Vick stole his dogs for fighting purposes, opened credit cards in Riches’ name and stole his copyrighted property. The suit even claims Vick sold some of Riches’ dogs on eBay and “used the proceeds to buy missiles from the Iran government.” Riches is demanding $62 billion in gold and silver.He said Vick ordered the warden to chemically induce his food, causing him to lose almost 50 pounds. Riches said it was all done as revenge because he caught Vick, whom he called a “NASA creation,” betting on Falcons games in 2005.
The favorite guy at Apple, who helped bring us the iPod, got sued by Riches for employing O.J. Simpson as a hitman.
Source: Apple Insider:
The 3-page handwritten complaint alleges that Simpson has been Jobs’s “hitman” since the “1985 MOVE house bombing in Philadelphia, which Jobs started with borrowed pyrotechnics from Great White.”
Also: “O.J. has been providing Jobs with food blenders since the midwest flood of 1993″ and that O.J. also “paid Jobs to clone Dolly the sheep on April 20, 1998.”
Jobs is charged with aiming nuclear missiles at Riches’ brain and Lance Armstrong’s bicycle, as well as price gouging iPhone customers. “On May 10th, 2007, I bought an Apple iPhone for $922.01 at the FCI Williamsburg commissary,” Riches wrote. “Now Jobs sells that same iPod for $199.”Perez Hilton“A cursory review of the complaint is sufficient to establish that it is nothing more than fanciful nonsense,” US District Judge Gregory Presnell wrote in his order for dismissal. “The whole thing reads like a cross between Billy Joel’s ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’ and a Dr. Bronner’s soap label, if Dr. Bronner had been a first-year law student with untreated paranoid schizophrenia.”
“Several weeks ago, he filed suit against Elvis Presley and Neverland Ranch for, inter alia, ‘WAR CRIMES Rock N Rollin My Brain’,” the Judge wrote.
While it’s unclear whether Riches’ cockamamy pleadings are products of actual mental illness or simply a hobby akin to short story writing, all complaints filed with the US court system have to be processed, filed and dismissed.
This celebrity blogger (real name Mario Lavandeira) got sued for running a web site which invades Riches’ privacy and puts his life in danger.
Source: Smoking Gun:
Riches states that he carried on a years-long sexual relationship with Hilton and once bought the blogger a $23,000 diamond ring. Riches is seeking the closure of Hilton’s popular web site.
According to Contact Music, Britney got sued for holding Riches at gunpoint and forcing him to commit crimes, like the identity theft he got busted for. Also he says Britney forced him to pay for abortions, breast implants, drugs and alcohol.
Benazir Bhutto, Pervez Musharraf, and the INS
Yes, the poor woman who was assassinated is named in a suit along with Musharraf.
That’s not all… here comes the really goofy stuff:Plaintiff seeks a temporary restraining order against Defendants Benazir Bhutto, Pervez Musharraf, Shaukat Aziz and the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS) to stop his extradition to Pakistan on March 2012 because he will be tortured. Plaintiff asserts that the case is one of mistaken identity and that Pakistan wants another Jonathan Lee Riches, who is an international fugitive and made nuclear weapons with Pakistan scientist A.D. Khan.
Barry Bonds and Hank Aaron’s Bat!!!
The complaint involves Barry Bonds, baseball commissioner Bud Selig, and Hank Aaron’s bat.
Source: The Smoking Gun:
A copy of the Bonds complaint can be found here.Riches weaves an intricate conspiracy theory involving television ratings, steroids, the cracking of the Liberty Bell, Colombian narco-terrorists, and secretly recorded conversations for which journalists Robert Novak and Judith Miller have transcripts.
The lawsuit allges things like “bat assault, treason, illegal moonshine, treason (again!), stalking, illegal wiretapping, and bad debt” He requests that the court file a temporary restraining order against the broadcast of MLB games, all defendants (amd their pets!!), and is seeking 42 million dollars worth in swiss francs!
Grand Theft Auto
On April 9, 2008, Riches filed a request for a temporary restraining order against Take-two (publisher of Grand Theft Auto), as well as developer Rockstar Games, FCI Williamsburg, and the game Grand Theft Auto itself, claiming that the defendants “put me in prison.”
Source: Computer and Video Games:
And the BIG ONE - Suing the Entire World!!!!“Defendants contributed to Plaintiff committing identity theft. Defendant’s games show sex, drugs and violence which offends me.” Riches continued, “Defendants put me in prison. I face imminent danger from violent inmates who played Grand Theft Auto who will knock me out and take my gold Jesus cross.”
George Bush + 783 others!
Source: City Paper:
Here is the PDF of the document, where Riches does really intend to sue the entire world.
56 pages of nonsense naming Bush and 783 other people in a lawsuit. Who are some of these “others”? Would ya believe Plato, Nostradamus, Che Guevara, Jimmy Hoffa, “Various Buddhist Monks”, the Lincoln Memorial, the Eiffel Tower, the USS Cole, the book Mein Kampf, the Garden of Eden, the Roman Empire, the Appalachian Trail, Three Mile Island, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Google, Pope Benedict XVI, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, John Deere, www.accuweather.com, Adolf Hitler’s National Socialist Party, Roc-A-Fella Records, Jay-Z, Japan’s Nikkei Stock Exchange, Gambino (crime family), Three Mile Island, Tony Danza, Islamic Republic of Iran, University of Miami, GEICO Insurance, Jewish State of Israel, Soledad O’Brien, Tsunami victims, The American Red Cross, Jessica Alba, Charles Moose, al-Qaida Islamic Arm, Fruit of A-Loom, Outback Steakhouse, Donald J. Trump, Chris Berman, Puff Daddy, Vince McMahon, Meals on Wheels, Saddam Hussein, Jewish workers at NBC/Universal, Elizabeth Smart, The Panama Canal Commission, Kelly Clarkston, 13 tribes of Israel, Plato, Lincoln Memorial, Boris Becker, Various Buddhist monks, Christina Applegate, Jewish Mossad, National Vanguard Books, Mein Kampf, Venus Williams, Medieval Times, Denny’s, Brotherhood of the Snake, Larry King, Rastafarian natives, National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing, the Illuminati , Wu-Tang Clan, Wu Wear Inc., Nordic gods, The Da Vinci Code, Sears Tower, Mike Tyson, Native American Fish Society, Green Bay’s Lambeau Field, Pizza Hut, Ming Dynasty, Barry Bonds, Gangs in Hong Kong, Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, National Hockey League Players’ Association, Philadelphia Eagles (2005 roster), The Waffle House, Skittles Candy, etc…