A True Texas Tale: "Bad Guy" "One", "Old Man" "Zero"
Springtime in Texas
In the springtime, a young boys’ fancy turns to girls. In Texas, a young skunk’s fancy turns to girls too….
Here’s the “Rest of the Story”, as Paul Harvey might say.
My wife was out of town for a few days, and I’d enjoyed a marvelous dinner with our only neighbors’. I’d enjoyed the food and company tremendously. I retired home, settled in with a last glass of wine to enjoy a final cigarette on the deck, enjoying the evening and contemplating the fine dinner and friends I had enjoyed earlier. Life was good. The evening was perfect. The solitude and peace were unmatched.
Three content dogs were settled in for the evening.........The Doberman “Liebschen” was guarding the yard from a central location, watching for unseen threats. The German Shepard was, of course, playing “ball” in the dark. The 30 pound geriatric mutt “Daboo” wandered out into the yard, exploring, checking the “perimeter” as old “guard dogs” do. Daboo suddenly “alarmed”, and being wise, with years of tactical experience, swung around his prey, and attacked from the rear. Wrong answer. He’d found...................a skunk.
Well, to make a very long and frantic story shorter, the skunk won. Skunk "1", Daboo "0". Daboo screamed and hysterically rolled in the grass trying to clear the stench from his coat. Liebschen, being stronger and “wiser”, immediately engaged in the battle. She chased the skunk through the two electric fences and into our neighbors yard. She got lost in the forest, but avoided a confrontation with our buddy, who’d had a FTF, and decided retreat was better than meeting a Doberman “up close and personal”. The German Shepard “Boschee”, an immature three, stayed in the yard, watching everything unfold, running in circles and howling as only German Shepard’s do. She avoided Daboo like the plague, and joyfully greeted Liebschen as she ran back through both fences. You could see it in Boschee's eyes "This is fun!" “Let’s do it again!”
So, yes. I strip to my skivvies. Daboo: At least 10 shampoos. V8 juice. Mexican vanilla. Commercial "Scent Eliminator". Towels. More towels. Open windows. Yee gads! Two loads of laundry. Bathroom a disaster. Nuke it. Call in an air strike. I take two showers. No hot water. DAMN! Shower anyway. Brrrrrrrr........Let water heater recover. Shut bathroom door. Light Lamp Berge's. Light them all. Open more windows. SHEESH!!!!!!!!! Will it ever go away? Sigh.........
Let’s try it again…Last glass of wine, last cigarette on deck. Skunk stench…where’d it go? What the heck? What? Ohhhh….the nose, the nose…..the nose is DEAD! MIA! Oh man…that’s bad news….Oh well…I’m FINE! The world is at peace.............but jeez......that bathroom is gonna need some major work in the AM...........
Dreams, more dreams…bad guys attacking…wake up…..SHEESH! The stench! Nose is back!
Call wife. Explain. Hysterical laughter. “Offer up” extended stay away. Wife accepts in decisive manner, with alarming speed. So much for “back up”. Sigh…..
The air strike on the bathroom is at noon today. The Haz Mat folks will be here afterwards for final clean up. That stuff is toxic. I think the oils actually ate into the hard plastic part of Daboo's shock collar and are permanently embedded. I'm trying the dishwasher on "Pot & Pan" cycle for that and the collars. I'll probably have to buy a new dishwasher then. The bathroom will be rebuilt after the strike – hopefully before wife gets home. The porcelain floor is still smoldering from the oils.....
Finally got a HOT shower this AM. Daboo looks like a 80 pound fluff ball because I forgot to use conditioner.
Zulu Victor Bravo One-Niner: This is Alpha One Bravo. Locked on target. Fire at will.................
Ahhhhhhhh DAMN! That stench is even on my keyboard!
Alpha One Bravo: This is Zulu Victor Bravo One-Niner: Mission accomplished. Target site now habitable in 18 million-half lives.
Daboo napping peacefully. Slept through the air-strike.
Keyboard still reeks! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggggggggggg!
After Action Report:
Dishwasher works on dog collars (twice on "Pot & Pan" cycle). Next time dog goes in dishwasher on "Pot & Pan" too.
Always scan yard with two-million candle power spot before releasing dogs to roam (consider MilSup arc light, deck mounted?)
Claymores on perimeter?
More wine needed in cellar