Middle aged dating/relationship advice needed - Page 2

Middle aged dating/relationship advice needed

This is a discussion on Middle aged dating/relationship advice needed within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Originally Posted by SIXTO Sometimes, attraction will grow with the friendship. IMO, thats the best kind of marriage one could hope for. Or you can ...

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  1. #16
    VIP Member Array jwhite75's Avatar
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    Mar 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by SIXTO View Post
    Sometimes, attraction will grow with the friendship. IMO, thats the best kind of marriage one could hope for.

    Or you can do like me; marry a young hottie that happens to have been my best friend for years and years.
    +1 on this. On both accounts. I found my GF and eventual wife to be attractive from Day One. We are 11 years apart. (Young Hottie). We started and became very good friends first and the rest just fell into place. She is my Best Friend, I find myself not having as much fun doing things in most social situations if she is not there to share them with me. Just because it isnt there immediately does nto mean it will not appear and only grow. Give her more than one first impression
    Friends don't let friends be MALL NINJAS.

    I am just as nice as anyone lets me be and can be just as mean as anyone makes me. - Quoted from Terryger, New member to our forum.

  2. #17
    Senior Member Array rhinokrk's Avatar
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    May 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kerbouchard View Post
    If the attraction is not there, what's wrong with continuing the friendship? It sounds like you enjoy the conversations and like her personality so I don't see what there is to be nervous about.

    Either way, you get to meet a friend, and the best relationships almost always start with friendship in the first place.

    Don't sweat the small stuff. If the relationship is meant to be, it will happen.
    You should be going to this date looking to meet a friend face to face for the first time. It's a lot less pressure, and it sounds like you enjoy her company.

    The way I see it, your in a win/win situation. On one hand you could meet the love of your life, on the other you meet someone to get you out of the house a few times a month to enjoy a good dinner and good company.
    Get the U.N. out of the U.S.
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  3. #18
    Senior Member Array TucAzRider's Avatar
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    Apr 2009
    I feel for ya Tally.. I'm a little younger, but it has been six years with only one serious relationship since my divorce.. What I've found is normally girls/ladys are not who they say they are online, so don't get the expectations to high. ya have to be true to yourself and if you see a red flag flying, don't ignore it..

    As said above.. Keep it short the first time.. Coffee or something is good.. If things are giong good you can always keep it going longer,.. Remember, you'll not really know who she is for a month.. As for you.,.. be honest and don't "polish the apple" as Pastor said..

    I'm the last person that should be giving advise I think.. :-) I stink at relationship,..

    Good luck,. Hope it all works out,. Keep us posted..

  4. #19
    VIP Member Array HKinNY's Avatar
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    Dec 2007
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    And if things go great stop by the Dr. for a script for the little blue pills. Never know how things will play out. I have to thank my ex-girlfriend for the introduction to my wife. She thought that we would get along great. 17+years later I guess she was right. Looks fade, but a good friend will be there for you. let us know how things go. Good luck.

  5. #20
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    Feb 2008
    Don't walk up and ask her how she likes her eggs in the morning,poached,fried,or fertilised
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  6. #21
    Senior Member Array jca1's Avatar
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    Apr 2009
    Remember it may be her who is not attracted to you, how would you like her to handle the date with you if so? Also don't let your face tell her how you think she looks, and if she's ugly and all, remember the person you met is still in there. If only we could see other people the way God see's them, from the inside.

  7. #22
    Distinguished Member Array Tally XD's Avatar
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    Feb 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by jca1 View Post
    Remember it may be her who is not attracted to you, how would you like her to handle the date with you if so? Also don't let your face tell her how you think she looks, and if she's ugly and all, remember the person you met is still in there. If only we could see other people the way God see's them, from the inside.
    I fully realize this!! I think I would like honesty from the start and if she just doesn't find me attractive then I think I would like to know now and not six weeks later.
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  8. #23
    Senior Member Array rolyat63's Avatar
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    Jun 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by SIXTO View Post
    Sometimes, attraction will grow with the friendship. IMO, thats the best kind of marriage one could hope for.

    Or you can do like me; marry a young hottie that happens to have been my best friend for years and years.
    Agreed. Be friends, have fun, enjoy the fellowship. If that continues nature will take its course. The animal instinct takes over when proximity closes and you don't grate on each other. YMMV
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  9. #24
    Senior Member Array aimhigh's Avatar
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    Feb 2007
    Quote Originally Posted by retsupt99 View Post
    I can't imagine being in your situation, I've been married to the same bride for 38 years.

    Many of my/our friends, however, have been in your situation...I can only advise...be yourself, go slow, and don't judge a book by its cover.

    Let nature takes its course...as far as looks go...beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that's a two-way street.

    Good luck in your search.
    "You can say 'stop' or 'alto' or use any other word you think will work but I've found that a large bore muzzle pointed at someone's head is pretty much the universal language."

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  10. #25
    Member Array george ries's Avatar
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    Aug 2006
    lancaster Pa
    get a young hottie

  11. #26
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    OP wrote: "This has, so far, been totally blind, began with email conversations, then Instant Messaging and we have just graduated to telephone conversation for the past three nights. We plan to meet publicly this weekend on a first date. "

    Not a dating specific answer, I have found that people I first get acquainted with via e-mail, forums such as this, and similar non-verbal media, frequently are not at all like what my imagination thought they would be like.

    The telephone conversations the OP had may or may not give him a more clear
    assessment of the lady.

    So, my advice would be to not be surprised either way. Just act yourself, act your age, be polite and respectful, and see how things go.

  12. #27
    Ex Member Array Ram Rod's Avatar
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    Dec 2007
    Fayetteville, AR
    Advice? Be yourself.....know what you want, and forget what you need. Expectations are a downfall, history should remain history. It's a new day. Hopefully the both of you will make up for what's lacking in each others' lives. Personally, I'm in tune with the zodiac signs and compatibility. That alone has worked for me many times. Physical attraction has nothing to do with any of this. A common goal in life is always good even though that may be obscure at first, even for a while. But you'll have to trust in yourself first and everything else will come naturally. Best part about being middle aged is that we ought to know by now what we really want. Time to settle down and enjoy life and the surprises it brings. No apprehensions, no anxieties, no stereotypes. Just jump in, take one day at a time, and enjoy the experience for what it is. After one marriage, and four long term relationships, I still believe in true love. I myself am going at it again.

  13. #28
    Distinguished Member Array Paymeister's Avatar
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    Sep 2007
    As a single in my 30s I foolishly felt that what I wanted was a 24-year-old blonde cheerleader. A young lady called my roommate (houseful of guys trying to save money) to get tickets to a church squaredance. We chatted for an hour, and later I took her out for lunch. But since she didn't meet my criteria, I tossed any idea of a RELATIONSHIP... and felt comfortable proceeding with a mere 'friendship'. We spend the next few months going out for coffee and such, chatting about common interests - and we had a simply delightful time. Somewhere along the way I realized that a romantic involvement might be a possibility... and indeed it developed. By God's grace she said 'yes' when I popped the question, and we've now been married for 21 years.

    I REALLY thank God, too, that I had no 24-year-old blonde cheerleaders anywhere nearby - who knows what sort of a fool I might have made of myself, and I might never have paid any attention to the gem who I later married.

    Hope you feel free to develop a friendship: if it goes further, great! If all you get is a friend out of it, that's also great!
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  14. #29
    Member Array John Wesley's Avatar
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    Aug 2006
    I was in a VERY similar situation about 3 years ago. I met this person through E-Harmony. Our interests were similar. She held off on meeting face to face for months. I really enjoyed talking to her and e-mailing back and forth.

    When we finally met, nothing "happened". I thought that maybe things would develop after we had seen each other a few times.

    The problem was that nothing ever "happened" for me but apparently it did for her.

    This woman was not ugly or anything. I just found that I could be her friend but nothing more. I don't know why. I didn't like the way it ended.

    Anyway, a couple of months afterward (after a lot of prayer!) a fantastic woman "appeared" at work. We've been married for 2 years now. (Our first date was at the local range BTW.)

    I can't tell you the difference in these two except that something just "clicked" when I met my future wife. I think you need that "chemistry" or whatever it is. I DO think that physical appearance does have a little to do with it but of course there is a lot more.

    My advice is to take is slow, be careful not to misrepresent yourself and see how it goes. It's like my grandmother always said, "If there is any doubt in your mind, then it isn't right." - Hold out for "right".

    Good luck!

  15. #30
    Distinguished Member Array mr.stuart's Avatar
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    Jun 2006
    usa-southeast texas
    Your post sounds like that of a kind and thoughtful man. Why not swap pictures through email? I am 50 and married 7 years to my 4th wife.We met online. She is the one I wish I had met first. One thing you should keep in mind, when you get in your 40's,the statistics tell us we have,what,25 to 35 years left? Do what is right for you! Time moves so fast.If you meet someone and there is not a mutual attraction,do not waste time. Does she have children?How old? Crazy ex-husband? Run an online background check(these are not always complete). I would not hesitate to ask questions of someone I might become involved with. I wish you the best in the dating scene. Be honest and up-front. Adults do not play games. I hope all this makes sense, I know so much about this subject I tend to blurt things out.Best wishes.

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