An oldie but funny

[jhh3rd]

What do people do during the winter in Alaska on a long night? They read the barrel on their Ruger!

[DefensiveCarry.com]

[atctimmy]

I thought you said funny...

[jca1]

24 hours of light

[QKShooter]

This thread is going nowhere in a huge hurry. Somebody had better add another funny joke pronto.

[QKShooter]

OK...see how many of you get this joke.

A man walks into a gun store.

The salesman behind the counter says "Good morning Sir, how may I help you?"

And the man says: "I'm looking for some .380 ammo."

[QKShooter]

A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made
a mess." "And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Lucy raised a hand and said, "Our family are farmers, too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks and the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched." "That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am! My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Marge. She was a flight engineer during Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a Machete.
So...she drank the whiskey on the way down and ditched the bottle so it wouldn't break.
Then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.
She killed 70 of them with the machine gun until it ran out of bullets!
Then she killed 20 more with the machete till the blade broke; then she killed the last 10 with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay away from Aunt Marge when she's been drinking."

[jhh3rd]

Tough crowd to please.

[QKShooter]

For years Dr. Benson had left his office and gone to Teddy's Bar, where Teddy would fix him a daiquiri laced with crushed pecans. One day, however, Teddy ran out of pecans; instead he substituted hickory nuts. Dr. Benson sat down and took a sip under Teddy's watchful eyes; he frowned. "Say, Teddy, this isn't an almond daiquiri. Just what is it?" "I can't lie to ya,"
Teddy said. "It's hickory daiquiri, Doc."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins.

If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

[ErnieNWillis]

A big tough, gruff groom and his docile submissive bride are in their motel room on their wedding night. The groom tosses his large pants to his bride and say's "here put these on". Bride says "Oh I cant wear these". Groom say's "thats right and dont ever forget it"! The bride responds by tossing her panties back at him and say's "try these on". Groom say's "I cant get into these". Bride replies "thats right and you never will if you dont change your attitude"!

[atctimmy]

"It's hickory daiquiri, Doc."

Sadly I didn't see that coming. Good one QK.

[RemMod597]

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins.

If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

Followed by the groan heard around the world...

[jca1]

Three men were talking about how stupid their wives were. Sam says that his wife is stupid, she bought a bag of dogfood and they dont have a dog. Bobby says his wife is just as stupid, she bought a bag of catfood and they dont have a cat, Billybob says his wife is the stupidest, he was looking in her purse for some chewing gum and found a pack of rubbers and she dont even have a dingdong.

[ErnieNWillis]

Three men were talking about how stupid their wives were. Sam says that his wife is stupid, she bought a bag of dogfood and they dont have a dog. Bobby says his wife is just as stupid, she bought a bag of catfood and they dont have a cat, Billybob says his wife is the stupidest, he was looking in her purse for some chewing gum and found a pack of rubbers and she dont even have a dingdong.

[jca1]

Thankyou thankyou, Im here all night....lol

[miklcolt45]

For years Dr. Benson had left his office and gone to Teddy's Bar, where Teddy would fix him a daiquiri laced with crushed pecans. One day, however, Teddy ran out of pecans; instead he substituted hickory nuts. Dr. Benson sat down and took a sip under Teddy's watchful eyes; he frowned. "Say, Teddy, this isn't an almond daiquiri. Just what is it?" "I can't lie to ya,"
Teddy said. "It's hickory daiquiri, Doc."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins.

If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

These are making the OP funnier by the moment.