The World According to Cows

This is a discussion on The World According to Cows within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. ...

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Thread: The World According to Cows

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    Wink The World According to Cows

    SOCIALISM
    You have 2 cows.
    You give one to your neighbor.

    COMMUNISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and gives you some milk.

    FASCISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and sells you some milk.

    NAZISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and shoots you.

    BUREAUCRATISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away…

    TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
    You have two cows.
    You sell one and buy a bull.
    Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
    You sell them and retire on the income.

    SURREALISM
    You have two giraffes.
    The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
    Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

    CitiGroup VENTURE CAPITALISM
    You have two cows.
    You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island
    Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

    A FRENCH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

    A JAPANESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

    A GERMAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
    You decide to have lunch.

    A SWISS CORPORATION
    You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
    You charge the owners for storing them.

    A CHINESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You have 300 people milking them.
    You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
    You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

    AN INDIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You worship them.

    A BRITISH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Both are mad.

    AN IRAQI CORPORATION
    Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
    You tell them that you have none.
    No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy….

    AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Business seems pretty good.
    You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

    A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    The one on the left looks very attractive.
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

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  3. #2
    Member Array kingdaddyoh's Avatar
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    Now that's just funny as all heck!
    Ain't no fun when the rabbit has a gun!

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  5. #4
    Senior Member Array gilraen's Avatar
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    Those are a hoot! Or I should say a bovine methane release?
    "I pledge allegiance to the war banner of the united states of Totalitaria. And to the Republic, which no longer stands, several bankers, who are now god, indivisible, with Bernanke bucks and credit for all."

  6. #5
    Member Array Eagle Eye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gilraen View Post
    Those are a hoot! Or I should say a bovine methane release?
    Then that would be a "toot"!
    Socialism tries to give the slave all the advantages of his security together with the benefits of freedom, and, in the process, destroys both the free and the enslaved.

    R.J. Rushdoony

  7. #6
    Senior Member Array Pure Kustom's Avatar
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    Now thats funny!!! I don't care who you are!!!

  8. #7
    Distinguished Member Array morintp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JonInNY View Post
    A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    The one on the left looks very attractive.


    I'm just saying...if she'd stop giving those bedroom eyes.
    64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.

  9. #8
    Senior Member Array SilenceDoGood's Avatar
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    That's good stuff right there.
    "A government is like fire, a handy servant, but a dangerous master." -- George Washington

  10. #9
    Member Array smotta's Avatar
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    That's just funny right there
    "In God we trust, as for the rest of you... keep your hands where I can see them" - Unknown

  11. #10
    Distinguished Member Array Bunny's Avatar
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    lol! I love the surrealism one!
    Don't frisk me, I am the weapon.


    Sig Sauer P239 DAK (9mm)
    NRA Member & Pistol Instructor

    www.vanguardnc.com

  12. #11
    Member Array UnklFungus's Avatar
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    Emailed that one out!! Pretty Funny!
    “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government.”

    Patrick Henry
    Quote Originally Posted by UnklFungus
    If it is ok to disarm legal citizens to reduce crime, then doesn't it stand to disband the military to prevent war?

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