B-u-i-c-k

[Euclidean]

The thread about oil got me to remembering...

Right out of college, I worked in all manner of industry that equates to legalized prostituition. I somehow wound up working for General Motor's customer service call center.

The job wasn't all bad, getting peeks at the new GM stuff was cool (I'm a Chevy guy and all that) and you got to talk about cars all day, but I hated 80% of it because of crap like this.

Anyway a big part of my job was processing repair bills from independent mechanics who had done repairs which may have been covered by past recalls. I had to play the role of investigator. Funny thing is, honest claims were always easily verified, and reimbursing honest people was always quick and easy.

It's not that most people weren't honest, it's just that a lot of people don't understand that just because your brakes were recalled, that doesn't mean we're going to pay for it when your air conditioner breaks.

So one day I open up a new file and examine a repair order for a Dodge Dart. Yes, a 1974 Dart. It was a rather expensive repair order, about $3k, lots of work.

Also in the same file the customer sent us a receipt for four new tires for a 1999 (I think) Bonneville with 142,000 miles on it.

I set the Dodge Dart portion aside, and spent 30 minutes trying to see if there was any reason GM could replace the tires on the Bonneville or help with the cost. I knew there wasn't of course, but my job was to try to find a way.

Anyway I sent the customer a form letter on the Bonneville apologizing that the vehicle's repair was not eligible for reimbursement. I had to get with my boss and type a custom letter for the Dart explaining this was not a GM product and I included contact information for Daimler Chrysler in an attempt to at least point the customer to the right corporation.

On both of these letters I signed my name and gave my phone number.

They went out, and week later I get a call.

I went through my spiel. Basically the customer was upset I turned her down but I explained to her in great detail that her Bonneville was not eligible for any sort of reimbursement and pointed out to her she'd already enjoyed assistance from GM on two repairs (the dealer helped her).

Oddly enough once I explained that to her she let it go, but she was determined to get some satisfaction over that Dart. I finally had to lay it out plain.

"Ma'am, this is General Motors you are speaking to. We do not make the Dart. We do not make Dodge. We do not make that product. If you'd like I can transfer you to the manufacturer of that vehicle, but unfortunatly I cannot help you with your concerns."

Can she speak to a supervisor? Ma'am I promise you no one in this building can address your concerns with your Dodge Dart.

Finally she relents and I give her all of the contact information I have, phone, email, snail mail, etc. for Chrysler and wish her luck.

"You've been very helpful can I ask you one more question?"

I sigh.

"Of course what can I do for you?"

"Can you tell me who makes the car I drive now?"

Well I need to know a little bit about the car. What model is it? Dunno. Okay who made it? Dunno. Do you have the VIN? No. Where did you buy it? At the store. What store? A big car store. Was it new or used? Yes. Yes new or yes used? Definitely one or the other.

Finally she tells me.

"I drive a blue car. Who makes blue cars?"

Okay at this point I'm determined to figure this out.

"Ma'am can you see the car right now?"

"Yes, yes I can."

"Okay go around the back of the car to the trunk... is there a word on the trunk? Or anywhere on the car?"

"Well here's one... B-U-I-C-K."

Okay, that spells Buick. You have a Buick. We made your Buick, we're General Motors. After a little more prompting I get her to read me the VIN and I'm able to tell her all about her car.

"Well thank you, it's a very good car."

"Thank you ma'am."

"It's a lot better than the Pontiac car. I don't know who makes those things but the tires wear out. I wouldn't buy anything made by Pontiac again."

I didn't have the heart or the guts to tell her Pontiac is also made by General Motors...

Sigh. I'm glad that job is long behind me but that little episode and a few others like it will stay with me forever.

[DefensiveCarry.com]

[Ti Carry]

It all makes sense now that Burger King employees are jumping out of drive thru windows to beat customers up.

WOW.


Ti.

[craig45]

i better stay away from my gm dealer. somebody might beat me up.

[KenpoTex]

Euc, if you think that was bad, you should have heard some of the stuff I had to deal with when I worked at Auto Zone during college.
For example:
Customer: "I hear a rumbling noise when I turn the key, what does that mean?"
my Co-worker: "Ma'am, that means your engine started..."

or, "can you tell me how to rotate the air in my tires?"

[P95Carry]

I don't know who makes those things but the tires wear out.

Bwhahaha - guess they do if you put miles on it duh

[rstickle]

How do you keep from either laughing out loud or hanging up? Don't think I could do a job like that.

[srfl]

....funny stuff Euc....thanks for sharing!

[Scott]

Stuff you just can't make up.

-Scott-

[Rock and Glock]

Very good...the best stories just hang around in our brains based on personal experiences, waiting to come out..what a classic!

[yoshi]

"can you tell me how to rotate the air in my tires?"

[dr_cmg]

Back in the DOS computer world I worked for a small computer company in New Orleans, LA. We provided all the support for our sales and so sometimes if I was inhouse I did telephone support too. One day I answered a call from a secretary who worked for one of our major customers. She said that she could not get WordPerfect to shut down. WordPerfect was at the time the premier word processing software in the world. To shut down the DOS version you pressed F7 and answered the question: "Do you want to save this document?" or something like that. The two options were listed at the end of the line as Yes / No. So you hit Y or N to answer the question or if you wanted to save the document you could just hit Enter because yes was the default answer. If you hit Enter the software would ask you for the name you wanted to use for the file. Then it would save the file and bring you back to the initial WP screen.

The conversation went something like this:
Client: WordPerfect won't shut down.
Me: OK, let's walk through closing WP. First, press F7. OK, now press n and hit enter. What does the screen look like now.
Client: It looks like a WP screen.
Me: Hmmm. OK, let's try again. Now do exactly what I tell you, OK.
Client: OK
Me: Press F7. Press n. Press Enter. What is on the screen?
Client: WordPerfect.
Me: OK. This time do what I tell you to do and then tell me what you did. Press F7.
Client: I pressed F7 and hit enter.
Me: I don't recall saying anything about hitting enter. When you hit enter it then asks for the name to assign the file. Then when you press n, it names the file n and comes back to the initial WP screen.
Client: Oh! (BTW this particular person had been using WP for at least a year.
Me: OK, now let's get you out of WP. After I tell you what to do you tell me what you did. Press F7.
Client: I pressed F7 and enter.
Me: Do not press enter unless I tell you to. OK? (said through tightly clenched teeth)
Client: OK.
Me: Tell me what you do. Press F7.
Client: I pressed F7 and enter.
Me: Ma'am are you right handed or left handed?
Client: Right handed.
Me: OK. Here's what I want you to do. Stand up.
Client: OK.
Me: Place your right hand on the seat of your chair and sit on it.
Client: OK, I'm sitting on my hand.
Me: Now using your left hand do exactly what I tell you. Press F7. Press N. Press Enter. Where are you now?
Client: Yaaa! I'm back at my menu.
Me: Good.

We hang up. And everything is lovely . . . for about 30 minutes. Then I get a call from the same secretary. She has gone back into WordPerfect to type a letter and can't get out of it.
Me: Remember how we closed it last time?
Client: Yes.
Me: OK, we're going to do it the same way now. Stand up. Place your right hand in the seat of your chair. Sit on your right hand. Now using your left hand Press F7. Press N. Press Enter.
Client: My menu is back. Thanks.
Me: Well if you have trouble getting out of WP again just remember to sit on your right hand and use the left and it will work every time.
Client: Thanks again.

Never got another call from her.

Truth is stranger than fiction.

[Rocnerd]

Oddly enough once I explained that to her she let it go, but she was determined to get some satisfaction over that Dart. I finally had to lay it out plain.

"Ma'am, this is General Motors you are speaking to. We do not make the Dart. We do not make Dodge. We do not make that product. If you'd like I can transfer you to the manufacturer of that vehicle, but unfortunatly I cannot help you with your concerns."

Can she speak to a supervisor? Ma'am I promise you no one in this building can address your concerns with your Dodge Dart.

Finally she relents and I give her all of the contact information I have, phone, email, snail mail, etc. for Chrysler and wish her luck.

"You've been very helpful can I ask you one more question?"

I sigh.

"Of course what can I do for you?"

"Can you tell me who makes the car I drive now?"

Well I need to know a little bit about the car. What model is it? Dunno. Okay who made it? Dunno. Do you have the VIN? No. Where did you buy it? At the store. What store? A big car store. Was it new or used? Yes. Yes new or yes used? Definitely one or the other.

Finally she tells me.

"I drive a blue car. Who makes blue cars?"

Okay at this point I'm determined to figure this out.

"Ma'am can you see the car right now?"

"Yes, yes I can."

"Okay go around the back of the car to the trunk... is there a word on the trunk? Or anywhere on the car?"

"Well here's one... B-U-I-C-K."

Okay, that spells Buick. You have a Buick. We made your Buick, we're General Motors. After a little more prompting I get her to read me the VIN and I'm able to tell her all about her car.

"Well thank you, it's a very good car."

"Thank you ma'am."

"It's a lot better than the Pontiac car. I don't know who makes those things but the tires wear out. I wouldn't buy anything made by Pontiac again."

I didn't have the heart or the guts to tell her Pontiac is also made by General Motors...

Sigh. I'm glad that job is long behind me but that little episode and a few others like it will stay with me forever.

There are several Blond jokes in there just waiting to be developed.

[Wayne]

I used to "act like" I could actually work on my car and had gone to Auto Zone many times. While waiting for help at the parts counter, you would be amazed at what you overhear. Here are some that I remember, all of these are from the Auto Zone in Valdosta, GA:

Cust: I need a shiny thing that is in my engine place.

Service: Do you know what it is? The name?

Cust: No, it's just a shiny thing.

Service: Did you bring it in? Is it on the car that you drove here?

Cust: No, that car won't run because I need the shiny thing. It's the only shiny thing on the engine so you must know what it is.

Service: Well, we can't really tell from that description. Here is a diagram of your engine type, can you point to it?

Cust: "Looks at computer screen, screen not in color": Nope, not there, nothing is shiny.

Service: Can you point in the general location.

Cust: Nope, not unless it was shiny.

*Service then explains that they can't find the part that they need without first seeing it. Cust. stormed out of store.

One more: (for those who think they know about cars)

Cust: I need a brake disc. 1980 Chevy (I forgot model name). For the rear.

Service: No prob.... let me look it up.... Front or Rear?

Cust: Rear.

Service: Okay, the drum will run you $$ and we have four in stock.

Cust: No, it's not a drum, it's a brake disc.

Service: Yes, that is called a drum.

Cust: NO, IT'S A BRAKE DISC.

Service: Okay, we have four in stock. Would you like me to get you one (Service is doing a great job of holding back the "IT'S CALLED A DRUM YOU IDIOT!)

Cust: Yes, please.

*Service then goes and gets the drum. Beings back to customer and shows it to him. Customer agrees that it's what he needs. Service closes lid on part... which says: Brake Drum lol.

Wayne

[David III]

A guy called one day and said he had a defective riflescope.
"How is it defective?"
"When I look through it, everything is really small."
"The scope is mounted backwards, just turn it around and then when you look through it, it will be fine."
"NO WAY will I do that.... I'd be pointing the rifle at myself."
(A real call from years ago. Some are more amazing.)
My gun is a 7mm Magnum. Can I use this kind of ammo?
What kind?
7mm STW
What's on your gun's barrel?
7mm Remington Magnum
No, can't use STW.
Oh, ok. But I can use 7mm-08, right?

[XD9]

So I worked for Nortel doing first-tier support for routers. That's what connects you all to the internet, not the wood-working tools.

Anyway, the people who run these machines are usually pretty smart as they are complicated devices so when they would call me, it was usually pretty serious. Also, I worked the swing shift so these people were usually on OT fixing a serious problem.

Here is my favorite call.

Me: Nortel router support. Can I help you?
Customer: Yeah, my company is down.
Me: Can you ping the router?
Customer: No. It says reply timed out.
Me: Can you console in. (Connect directly with a cable)
Customer: Let me try.
Customer: No, all I get is a blank screen.
Me: Are there any lights on the device?
Customer: No, I think it's completely dead. Can you send me a new one?
Me: Before I do that, will you just check to see if it's plugged in?
Customer: (A little angry) Of course it plugged in but let me check anyway.
Customer: What the he... (He then hangs up.)

From then on my first question was always, Is it plugged in?