Overseas News from ABC [Australian Broadcasting Corporation]

This is a discussion on Overseas News from ABC [Australian Broadcasting Corporation] within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, ...

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Thread: Overseas News from ABC [Australian Broadcasting Corporation]

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    Member Array Tint Bob's Avatar
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    Overseas News from ABC [Australian Broadcasting Corporation]

    The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
    "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

    It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
    Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

    The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual. The only threat they recognise is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines deployed. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish Navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish Navy.

    Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.

    Local News from ABC

    New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!" Due to continuing defence cutbacks, New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "****, I hope Austrulia will come end rescue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". Never before has the barbie been cancelled.

    Hope you enjoy!!!!!!

    Tint Bob (UK)

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    Senior Member Array Pure Kustom's Avatar
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    Member Array UnklFungus's Avatar
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    Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.


    This part cracked me up!!
    “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government.”

    Patrick Henry
    Quote Originally Posted by UnklFungus
    If it is ok to disarm legal citizens to reduce crime, then doesn't it stand to disband the military to prevent war?

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    VIP Member Array deadeye72's Avatar
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    That's the funniest thing I have read in a while. Thanks for posting.
    Glock 27
    BENELLI NOVA

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    Member Array heylin's Avatar
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    Actually in spite of defence cuts we are doing pretty good, our soldiers make a pretty good roast meal as well.

    --------------------------------------------------------------
    Evil prevails when good men stand by and do nothing
    --------------------------------------------------------------

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    Made my morning!
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

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    I shared it with my wife 30 minutes ago and she is still laughing.
    "Society never advances. It recedes as fast on one side as it gains on the other. It undergoes continual change; but this change is not [an improvement]. For everything that is given, something is taken."
    Ralph Waldo Emerson

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    Distinguished Member Array Bunny's Avatar
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    This is scary, we just confirmed bookings for Australia, New Zealand, AND Italy, all in October/Novembaaa. Should I be worried? ;)
    Don't frisk me, I am the weapon.


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    Member Array Tint Bob's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bunny View Post
    This is scary, we just confirmed bookings for Australia, New Zealand, AND Italy, all in October/Novembaaa. Should I be worried? ;)
    Be afraid......Very Afraid

    Tint Bob (UK)

    Glad you liked it......Got another one taking the **** out of the British Police....... Its a Power point Pres...... Can i post that here??? Will it work???

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    Thank you Tint. That made my morning.

    Biker

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    Senior Member Array Pure Kustom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heylin View Post
    Actually in spite of defence cuts we are doing pretty good, our soldiers make a pretty good roast meal as well.

    Tatical sheep, What will they think of next..........

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    Tint Bob, I hope you know you have a warped sense of humor. I love it!

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    Senior Member Array ASSA9's Avatar
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    "Bloody Nuisance"
    Zoe: "Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?

    Book: "Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps."

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