Deputy Sheriff vs. New York Lawyer

Deputy Sheriff vs. New York Lawyer

This is a discussion on Deputy Sheriff vs. New York Lawyer within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he ...

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Thread: Deputy Sheriff vs. New York Lawyer

  1. #1
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    Deputy Sheriff vs. New York Lawyer

    A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Nowhere, America. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the sheriff deputy's expense.

    The deputy says, 'License and registration, please.'

    'What for?' says the lawyer..

    The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

    Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

    'You still didn't come to a complete stop, says the deputy. License and registration, please.'

    The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

    'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!' the Deputy repeats.

    Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

    'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says. At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'
    "Society never advances. It recedes as fast on one side as it gains on the other. It undergoes continual change; but this change is not [an improvement]. For everything that is given, something is taken."
    Ralph Waldo Emerson


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    Nothing better than road side justice.
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    Senior Member Array mi2az's Avatar
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    "When the people fear the government you have tyranny...when the government fears the people you have liberty."

    --Thomas Jefferson --

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    Question Same New York Lawyer????

    Wounder if he was the same New York Lawyer who got into a dispute with a local landowner down here in the mountains?

    He comes down to deer hunt. Shot a deer. Only wounded it. Deer kept running across the hunt club lease on to a local farmer's land where the local farmer kills it. Lawyer comes up to the farmer and demands the deer.

    He thinks that he is smarter than the local because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any mountain farmer from SW Va. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the farmer's expense.

    Puts up a lot of fancy words.

    The old farmer says, "That may work in New York. But down here we have a traditional way to settle disputes."

    Lawyer, "How?"

    Hill Farmer, "Well you claim I have something of yours. So, it's up to you to prove it. You stand there while I hit you three times. Then it is your turn. You hit me three times. We keep taking turns until one of us quits."

    As the old man looked like he was 70 + and weak and the Lawyer had boxed in college and worked out at a private fitness center three days a week, he accepted.

    He stands up to the old man.

    The old man gives him a short hard uppercut to the solar plexus. The lawyer thinks maybe he is tougher that I thought. Two more well placed blows has the lawyer reeling.

    The bleeding lawyer gathers himself up to see the old farmer walking away. "Where you going old man. It's my turn."

    Old farmer, "You can have it. I quit."
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    Senior Member Array Mardet65's Avatar
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    Here's one . . . How many cops does it take to throw a badguy down a flight of stairs?

    Answer: None . . . he fell!
    "Kimbers are the guns you show your friends, Glocks are the guns you show your enemies."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mardet65 View Post
    Here's one . . . How many cops does it take to throw a badguy down a flight of stairs?

    Answer: None . . . he fell!
    Reminds me of a barracks thief we caught once, poor guy fell down the same set of stairs three times.
    When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.
    "Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way."

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    VIP Member Array HKinNY's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by msgt/ret View Post
    Reminds me of a barracks thief we caught once, poor guy fell down the same set of stairs three times.
    Stuff like that is know to happen. weird huh?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mardet65 View Post
    Here's one . . . How many cops does it take to throw a badguy down a flight of stairs?

    Answer: None . . . he fell!
    Reminds me of the scene in "Death Wish" where they were showing the news and all the people who were starting to stand up to street thugs. A group of construction workers witnessed a mugging, chased the mugger and (as the foreman said) "roughed him up a little bit." When the reporter listed the injuries (including a broken leg and I believe several ribs) the foreman said "He must have fell down."

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    Quote Originally Posted by msgt/ret View Post
    Reminds me of a barracks thief we caught once, poor guy fell down the same set of stairs three times.
    Our barracks thief suffered from a similar clumsiness, but he started on the 1st deck.

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    Quote Originally Posted by msgt/ret View Post
    Reminds me of a barracks thief we caught once, poor guy fell down the same set of stairs three times.
    Ditto at PI.

    Funny thing was that we were 3td Batalion -- living in Nissen huts.
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    Member Array hcrum87hc's Avatar
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    A cop actually related that joke to my mom once. She didn't come to a complete stop and rolled through a stop sign. She got pulled over and I think he just gave her a warning. Anyways, at some point during the stop, he said, "Think about it this way, if someone's beating on you, do you want them to stop or just slow down?"
    "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him."-Jeremiah 17:7

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    that was funny lol
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    OK, that sounds like a good plan; but why does the cop need to pull him over for running the stop sign? Couldn't he just do that for good measure?
    "Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect everyone who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright force. Whenever you give up that force, you are inevitably ruined". - Patrick Henry

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    One of my all time favorites is the one about the old crusty officer getting a call about a suspicious car on cold night at a site on a dead end road with known gang and drug active. He pulls up and there are the two little bangers in the car. He walks up to the window and has the driver roll down the window. Fist thing BANG, the officer punches the gang member right in the side of the head, “L and registration Please.” The kid hands it to the officer. “Ok, do you have any drugs or weapons?” The kid, “well”. BANG right to the side of the head again. “NO, SIR” Good, BANG one more time in the head. Officer, “you guys leaving. “yes” Officer, “good, have a good day.

    The officer starts to walk back the patrol car, stops short spins around and walks back to the passenger’s side, and has him roll the window down. Bang, right to the side of the head…. The passenger, “WHAT”S that for I did not do nothing”….. Officer, “yeah, that’s so a half mile down the road you do not go, “I just wish that SOB had tried some of that crap!.... with me”.
    Last edited by Miggy; August 14th, 2009 at 12:05 AM. Reason: language workaround

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