Because I am a Man...

Because I am a Man...

This is a discussion on Because I am a Man... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Because I'm a man , when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set ...

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Thread: Because I am a Man...

  1. #1
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    Array RETSUPT99's Avatar
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    Because I am a Man...

    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will

    fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.

    Calling the AAA is not an option. I will win.

    ______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well,

    I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what

    I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say

    to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now

    with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know

    where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and

    break wind, as a form of holy communion.

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone

    to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and

    moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so

    for you, this is no problem.

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic

    groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be

    expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I

    know, these are the same thing.

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops

    working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that

    this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person

    gets here and has to put it back together.

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote

    control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been

    misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though

    one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....

    ( applies to engineers mainly).

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm

    thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,

    sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when

    you ask, so don't ask.

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or

    have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she

    calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever

    you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.

    And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the

    movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't

    ...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will

    certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I

    thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,

    too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,

    looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2009, I

    will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,

    the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,

    and I'll do the rest...... Like wandering around in the garden

    with a beer wondering what to do...

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    This has been a public service message for women to

    better understand men.
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

    ***********************************
    Certified Glock Armorer
    NRA Life Member[/B]


  2. #2
    Senior Member Array 2ndsupporter's Avatar
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    Well said!!!
    [One Nation Under God]

  3. #3
    VIP Member Array David in FL's Avatar
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    Seems to me, that had you sent the little lady to "wife school", you wouldn't have to explain such things........
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    pleeeeeze don't let Mrs. David in FL see this.
    "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."

    Theodore Roosevelt

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by David in FL View Post
    Seems to me, that had you sent the little lady to "wife school", you wouldn't have to explain such things........
    Damn fine point!!
    CCW permit holder for Idaho, Utah, Pennsylvania, Maine and New Hampshire. I can carry in your country but not my own.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Array Avenger's Avatar
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    good one, I printed it out and put in on my wifes desk. She threw it away!

  6. #6
    Member Array SCbuckeye12's Avatar
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    Guilty.

    On my fridge I have a Dilbert cartoon that says:

    "Success is the happy feeling you have in between completing a task and telling a woman what you've done."

  7. #7
    Member Array JohnWFD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Avenger View Post
    good one, I printed it out and put in on my wifes desk. She threw it away!
    Avenger, Sounds like your wife has no sense of fine literary works. I would quit while your behind....
    "A free people ought to be armed." - George Washington

  8. #8
    Senior Member Array Pure Kustom's Avatar
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    Isn't that the rule book for women? About men..... We are the kings of our castles........Even though the garage get's cold sometimes.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Array jca1's Avatar
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    The remote one is funny, but if I can't find the remote or that evil devilish being that lives with me has it, I'm ok holding a firearm for emotional support.

  10. #10
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jca1 View Post
    The remote one is funny, but if I can't find the remote or that evil devilish being that lives with me has it, I'm ok holding a firearm for emotional support.
    That's great til you forget what your holding and try to change the channels,that's my excuse and i'm sticking to it
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

  11. #11
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    I always liked this remote. Two mute buttons, one is turbo charged.

    Maxim's Girlfriend Remote Control funny picture
    CCW permit holder for Idaho, Utah, Pennsylvania, Maine and New Hampshire. I can carry in your country but not my own.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Array jca1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GunnyBunny View Post
    I always liked this remote. Two mute buttons, one is turbo charged.

    Maxim's Girlfriend Remote Control funny picture

  13. #13
    Senior Member Array Pure Kustom's Avatar
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  14. #14
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    "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas!".... Sam Houston

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  15. #15
    Member Array llongshot's Avatar
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    Ran this by my wife. She seems to think you and I could be aquainted. The only other result of reading this post is to move the calculator closer to the couch. I feel better already.

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