This is a discussion on Because I am a Man... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Because I'm a man , when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set ...
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling the AAA is not an option. I will win.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well,
I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say
to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now
with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know
where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and
break wind, as a form of holy communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and
moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so
for you, this is no problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I
know, these are the same thing.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....
( applies to engineers mainly).
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,
sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she
calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever
you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.
And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't
...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will
certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2009, I
will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,
the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,
and I'll do the rest...... Like wandering around in the garden
with a beer wondering what to do...
This has been a public service message for women to
better understand men.
The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.
Certified Glock Armorer
NRA Life Member
Seems to me, that had you sent the little lady to "wife school", you wouldn't have to explain such things........
pleeeeeze don't let Mrs. David in FL see this.
"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
good one, I printed it out and put in on my wifes desk. She threw it away!
On my fridge I have a Dilbert cartoon that says:
"Success is the happy feeling you have in between completing a task and telling a woman what you've done."
Isn't that the rule book for women? About men..... We are the kings of our castles........Even though the garage get's cold sometimes.
The remote one is funny, but if I can't find the remote or that evil devilish being that lives with me has it, I'm ok holding a firearm for emotional support.
I always liked this remote. Two mute buttons, one is turbo charged.
Maxim's Girlfriend Remote Control funny picture
CCW permit holder for Idaho, Utah, Pennsylvania, Maine and New Hampshire. I can carry in your country but not my own.
"Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas!".... Sam Houston
NRA Life Member
Ran this by my wife. She seems to think you and I could be aquainted. The only other result of reading this post is to move the calculator closer to the couch. I feel better already.