This is a discussion on Divorce Agreement within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Had this emailed to me. Thought you all might enjoy.
THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY ...
August 30th, 2009 09:30 AM
Had this emailed to me. Thought you all might enjoy.
THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A
YOUNG PERSON!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this
latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we
tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but
sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of
America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it
on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable
differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up this country by landmass each
taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two
sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively
easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets
since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are
welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war,
we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep
Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for
finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them)..
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical
companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.. You can have your beloved homeboys,
hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy
CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood ..
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the
right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the
peaceniks and war protesters.
When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help
provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam,
Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but
we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You
can take every Volkswagen you can find.
We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem.
I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World
to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up
poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our
history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like
minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit
delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you which one of us
will need whose help in 15 years.
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
Friends don't let friends be MALL NINJAS.
I am just as nice as anyone lets me be and can be just as mean as anyone makes me. - Quoted from Terryger, New member to our forum.
August 30th, 2009 09:30 AM
August 30th, 2009 09:35 AM
August 30th, 2009 09:41 AM
August 30th, 2009 09:43 AM
"When the people fear the government you have tyranny...when the government fears the people you have liberty."
--Thomas Jefferson --
August 30th, 2009 10:11 AM
"You can say 'stop' or 'alto' or use any other word you think will work but I've found that a large bore muzzle pointed at someone's head is pretty much the universal language."
August 30th, 2009 10:19 AM
I posted that earlier and it got closed due to forum policies on politics. Don't be surprised.
"The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield, and government to gain ground."
- Thomas Jefferson
"I'm the arrow, you're my bow, shoot me forth and I will go"
"Do not let any individual posts put a knot in your Big Boy Under-Roos"
August 30th, 2009 11:16 AM
"That I cannot do."
"Give this to, uh, Clemenza. I want reliable people, people who aren't going to be carried away. After all we're not murderers in spite of what this undertaker thinks."
Certified Glock Armorer
NRA Life Member
August 30th, 2009 11:51 AM
While we're at it, lets make the split completely. Seeing as you don't like the liberal education system, they can keep that and you can continue teaching creationism. No sense in calling it intelligent design anymore seeing as there won't be any liberals to complain.
You don't like the arts, Hollywood or any of those liberal things, so they can keep those nasty things. Don't worry, you can still keep your TVs and radios so that you can listen to Toby Keith and watch Fox News.
Don't forget to take ALL of the conservatives with you. Even the unemployed ones that denounce all things liberal while cashing their welfare checks. There are a lot more of these people than you think.
Just think, it will be awesome, you'll never have to pay taxes again. Who needs roads and bridges and pointless things like that? I'm sure the military and the police officers that go with you would be happy to work for free too so that you won't be burdened with redistributing your wealth to them.
Sure, you can have the greedy CEOs and corporations. Even though the rest of the high paying jobs will be shipped overseas like the others already were, it will be nice to have big empty buildings with a highly paid CEO sitting in it.
Sure, I'll take that bet on who will need who's help in 15 years.
I mean geez guys. It hasn't even been a year since Obama took over and there has been talk of revolution and secession in the few months that have followed. Get over it. You're not the only ones in the country and enough other people voted for Obama that he won the popular vote and the electoral college. Untwist your panties and get ready for the 2010 election.
64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
August 30th, 2009 12:20 PM
Originally Posted by morintp
You can also keep the KKK and the skinheads, along with the birthers and deathers and astroturfers. And by the way, you no longer get Medicare or Social Security, and your wages can be as low as your IQ warrants. And good luck to you in dealing with that swine flu pandemic, because, obviously, you don't want the gubmint-run CDC to hep you with stuff like that.
"We're paratroopers. We're supposed to be surrounded!" Dick Winters
August 30th, 2009 12:39 PM
Hey....I listen to Toby Keith and I watch FOX news.
The conservatives on welfare are just liberal spies. Everyone knows that.
"In a republic this rule ought to be observed: that the majority should not have the predominant power." -
-- Marcus Tullius Cicero
August 30th, 2009 01:30 PM
In my experience, politics can, at times, result in our getting some unintended, and "interesting" bedfellows, with whom we might not otherwise choose to be in bed with.
No judgment intended, just an observation.
"It does not do to leave a dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him."
J. R. R. Tolkien
August 30th, 2009 02:10 PM
It does mention keeping our guns so I think it's appropriate,sign me up
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .
August 30th, 2009 02:12 PM
Originally Posted by retsupt99
Sometimes on a clear day, I can see into the future with this spotting scope.
August 30th, 2009 03:01 PM
Closed pending removal for politics.
Coimhéad fearg fhear na foighde; Beware the anger of a patient man.
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