NEED HELP with a Bully situation please.

NEED HELP with a Bully situation please.

This is a discussion on NEED HELP with a Bully situation please. within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; No joke, here's what happened this week: Tuesday during school, Bunny Jr. (H) caught a classmate (D) stealing from the teacher. H tells teacher, B ...

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Thread: NEED HELP with a Bully situation please.

  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array Bunny's Avatar
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    NEED HELP with a Bully situation please.

    No joke, here's what happened this week:

    Tuesday during school, Bunny Jr. (H) caught a classmate (D) stealing from the teacher. H tells teacher, B decides he needs to be taught a lesson.

    While on line for lunch, D tells all the kids H likes a Britney Spears song, so that means H is a big gay girl. All the kids laugh, H shrugs it off.

    After school on the school bus, D starts the whole "H is a big gay girl" thing and starts getting his hands in H's face but does not strike. H slaps D's hand out of his face so that D can not hit him in the face, and that's when D punches H in the ribs. H comes home with a small, fist-shaped mark on his rib cage.

    At this point I should mention a few things:
    1) D is in H's class, on his bus, and lives in our neighborhood.
    2) H is a skinny kid with glasses, and an honor roll student, D is big and not honor roll material. D also lost his father a year or two ago and lives alone with his mother, as his 2 older siblings are in the Marines.
    3) Both boys are 10 years old.

    I did NOT report this on Tuesday because of two reasons. First, everyone has a bad day. Once, it's a bad thing. But twice, it's a pattern and I will get involved. Still, everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, right? Also, we have always taught H that you NEVER STRIKE FIRST but of someone else attacks you and starts s....stuff, then you DEFEND YOURSELF and you finish it. And technically he struck first by slapping D's hand away.

    Wednesday, all was quiet on the 5th grade front.

    TODAY was bad. Capital B.

    Today, D started on the bus again and threatened to beat up H. He came over, got all up in H's face, and H punched him in the rib cage and then kicked him in the kibbles-n-bits. D doubles over, crying, calls H a "wussy." H laughs and goes "really? Who's crying and who didn't take a hit?"

    D THEN SAYS HIS BROTHER AND SISTER ARE IN THE MARINES AND THEY HAVE TRAINED HIM, AND HE IS GOING TO GET THEIR AK-47 AND SHOOT H.

    H counters with "who cares? My mom is a firearms instructor and has two pistols."

    D says "well a full auto AK-47 beats 2 pistols. And I'm coming over to your house at 3 today."

    Nobody showed up.

    Tonight was PTA night. I had a talk w. the teacher, she said to tell the Principal and if the Principal does not make a report, SHE will.

    I talk to the principal, who talks to H and she takes a bunch of notes. I believe she is filing a report. She was pretty upset because D was communicating a threat, and that is NOT ok. She said she will "take care of it" and also talk to both boys and give them tools to de-escalate and ignore each other.

    I was given advice by two LEO friends to call my local PD and get someone out to take a report. That way, local PD will go to D's mom and talk to her (not me. I don't know if she's normal or psycho, and despite my best efforts, I don't know that it won't turn into a shouting match, you know? I might be calm and rational, but look at the monster SHE raised, maybe she's nuts? Maybe she carries? Maybe she'll try and kick my butt or shoot me?). And also this way it will be on record so that if H does have to defend himself and ends up hurting D, it won't be that H is the bully, there will be a record of D's threats against H.






    So let me ask you. H is my one and only kid, and I didn't quite go through this as a child. HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE THIS SITUATION? Am I being an idiot, calling the PD? I really don't like drama, but as someone else pointed out, I also don't want to sit at my kid's hospital bedside, asking "why didn't I get more involved."

    Note, we have a zero-tolerance policy here. Even if D starts it, if H swings back, they will BOTH get suspended or expelled.

    What should I do?
    Don't frisk me, I am the weapon.


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  2. #2
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    I would try calling the other parent before filing a police report personally. If my kid was causing trouble I would want to have the opportunity to resolve it myself .
    If the other parent is unreasonable or angry file the report. You could even mention to the parent you would rather not involve PD. If the school is aware then there is a record (as long as you feel you can trust the admins).
    "In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." Thomas Jefferson


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  3. #3
    VIP Member Array Spirit51's Avatar
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    This is a real brain teaser. I, like you, being a girl never had this kind of problem. Girls usually use mental games. I did have a daughter who was being picked on by boys at recess. I told her that she should walk away and go to the teacher. She got caught with a circle of them around her....and began physically assaulting her. She kicked on in the "kibbles and bits" and made a hole and ran to the teacher. When I was called up because she kicked the bully "there". I told them they should be more observant and not leave one girl in a position like that. She did what she had to do. Didn't happen again.

    I would say stay on top of the principle and see what she is doing. Make sure she tells you what the outcome of the meeting with the kid's mother is and how she reacted. It is a different time now...so just telling a kid to defend themselves....like I did my daughter...won't keep them out of trouble, but he still should defend himself. That may mean being expelled...but I would raise the roof at the school, PTA, and School Board until he was let back in.

    I think a kid should be able to defend himself without being expelled over a problem that was started by the other kid.

    I wish you luck with this problem. Hope some who have younger kids can give you better advice.
    A woman must not depend on protection by men. A woman must learn to protect herself.
    Susan B. Anthony
    A armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one has to back it up with his life.
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  4. #4
    Distinguished Member Array Rugergirl's Avatar
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    Call your local PD and make a report. That way you are sure they get the correct info. Never rely on anyone else to handle things for you.
    School administrators here in Michigan often get things wrong(interntionally or not) but there are some behind the scenes reasons that they sometimes miscontrue the facts.
    Feel free to PM me if you like, there are some other things I shouldn't post here.
    Disclaimer: The posts made by this member are only the members opinion, not a reflection on anyone else, nor the group, and should not be cause for anyone to get their undergarments wedged in an uncomfortable position.

  5. #5
    VIP Member Array HKinNY's Avatar
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    The way that I would handle it would get me kicked off this board for sure!! or I would have my local LEO friend stop by H home with a police car and scare the life out of him. amybe a trip down to the station house and see the bars. or You know those dogs that you train? Also I would have Jr keep quite about you being a NRA instructor and have guns in the house Hitch

  6. #6
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    I would not hesitate to call the police. When one makes threats with a weapon, it's not play time any more. The bully needs to learn how the real world works.

    Slam dunk, I'd file a report. The fact that the kid doesn't have a dad would not be a factor in my decision. Actually, it might: I'd be more inclined to get the police involved if the kid isn't living with his dad. Sometimes fatherless kids have the worst problems with violence because they don't have a dad to reign them in.

    Bullies only understand force. You can deal with it forcefully now and try to head it off, or expect H to have to deal with this bully all year or longer.


    P.S. Kudos to D for his H2H and doubling the bully over, even if it might lead to getting kicked out. Sometimes it's worth it to deal with the repercussions of defending oneself, even if the repercussions might seem harsh at the time.

    If the situation happened to my daughter, I wouldn't mind her getting some days at home if she took care of the bully herself.

  7. #7
    Distinguished Member Array Bunny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HITCH KING View Post
    The way that I would handle it would get me kicked off this board for sure!! or I would have my local LEO friend stop by H home with a police car and scare the life out of him. amybe a trip down to the station house and see the bars. or You know those dogs that you train? Also I would have Jr keep quite about you being a NRA instructor and have guns in the house Hitch
    No, H is MY kid! lol.
    H= Heavenly Angel
    D = Devil Bully


    Yes, H knows that we don't talk about guns, ammo, NRA, the range, etc at school or on the bus now. Thanks :)

    Thanks all.

    Rugergirl, PMing you now.
    Don't frisk me, I am the weapon.


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  8. #8
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HITCH KING View Post
    The way that I would handle it would get me kicked off this board for sure!! or I would have my local LEO friend stop by H home with a police car and scare the life out of him. amybe a trip down to the station house and see the bars. or You know those dogs that you train? Also I would have Jr keep quite about you being a NRA instructor and have guns in the house Hitch
    So your saying Bunny Jr needs a visit by the cops,you got your alphabet mixed up,anyhow,it's very possible this kids siblings may have a semi auto AK47 in the house and older brothers probably have taught him to shoot,I would report him to the cops he made a threat to shoot him,there have been juveniles in the past that shot their classmates
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
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  9. #9
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    I would call the police and let them have a chat with the mom, along with social services. I don't believe they will prosecute him since he is only 10, but it may make counseling available to him, where maybe his mom doesn't have that option.

    It seems like the kid's hurting over losing his dad and hopefully just acting out to get attention.

    If you call the police, someone will take some action to help him. If you don't and he does go on a shooting spree, how are you gonna feel.
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  10. #10
    VIP Member Array HKinNY's Avatar
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    H D all alphabet soup. Sorry for the mix up . Defeintly report to police.

  11. #11
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    I think you should do what you feel is right. I know my mother told me to defend myself if I was hit but not to engage a fight. I had someone picking on me in third grade but would not hit me. Finally my mom told me that if he was going to play the "I'm not touching you game" (where they just put there hand in your face or act like there going to hit you but dont), I should take care of business and set a president that I would not be bullied. Now this was a different time. I hope you figure out a way to solve the problem.
    "It is better to judged by 12, Than to be carried by 6"

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  12. #12
    VIP Member Array nedrgr21's Avatar
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    H done good! Technically - H did what he should've, D started it both times :).
    Other than LEO, maybe get a Marine to talk to D. Ya' know that whole honor thing, disrespecting his siblings sacrifice.

  13. #13
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    All I am going to say is, there is always more than one way to handle the situation and rarely is there only one correct way. I think you've gotten some doable suggestions.

    What I will say, without further evidence, I wouldn't assume the kid is a Monster and the mother is a bad parent. Assumptions get a person in trouble every time. The kid is going through a tough time. His two siblings are away serving their country and he lost his father recently. My goodness, any adolescent is going to have difficulty working through those life stressors and adjusting. It may be that ultimately he doesn't work through it in a very healthy way or have the proper support mechanisms to channel the unhealthy avenues into a healthy way of dealing with whatever is going on in his life. However, we can't make an automatic leap to that conclusion at this point.

    So, what I am going to say here is this. Keep a close eye on him. But from a distance. Look for indicators and talk discreetly with others in the neighborhood. Why? Because those who "go off the deep end," and "snap" and results in Jonesboro AR., Pearl MS., and Columbine school and countless other shooting sprees almost always leave a trail of "indicators" leading up to the event which is readily visible to those who only had to look.

    Keep in touch with the principal and teachers periodically. Especially if his bullying continues.

    Now this is not meant to scare you, because there is no reason to make that leap at this point, over this isolated incident.

    But be alert for signs and indicators. Parents in the neighborhood, especially those where he made have had sleep overs with their kids may be able to provide information which is useful.

    The name of the game is discretion! You don't need to embark on a quest like a private investigator digging into the kids background and making a "pest" out of yourself or to the point where people start talking about YOU. But just keep a low key and watchful eye on the kid over the next few years.

    In retrospect, after one of these outrageous school shooting spree's we very frequently learn that many of them may have been preventable if only people had picked up on the signs and spoke out at an appropriate time.

    That's all I'm saying.... Be aware and beware, but be very low key about it.

    Now if Bullying and targeting towards your son continues unabated, you'll have to be a little more proactive and quite possibly get law enforcement involved.

    Now, Don't go blemzak over this, and don't read into any more to what I'm saying.

    Good luck Bunny!

    BTW... just be straight forward when posting a serious issue such as this.. These little "code" thingies like H & D (Who the hell is B?) and kiddy names like Kibbles n bits is kind of confusing and quite frankly, a little juvenile. I almost needed a glossary to follow your post.
    -Bark'n
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    "The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."

  14. #14
    jbs
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    If the school principle is worth anything, give them a chance to discuss it with both kids together. But, you need to follow up tommorrow to see that they are doing that. Being 10, if the school does their stuff correctly, the two of them will probably end up somewhat friends.
    If you were living in a large population city, the threat would carry alot more weight, although other siblings are not at home with the kid to follow through for him.
    Sounds like the loss of his father coupled with the rest of his family being away from home is bringing out the behavior he's showing.
    You've notified the school, H will defend himself if need be, see what the school accomplishes and if it does not work, at the next instance, file a report with PD/SO.
    I wouldn't talk with the mom unless you already know her. The only thing to bring up would be to see if there was anything you could do to help both your kids get along. This would be non threatening. A call starting with your son hit and threatened mine will bring out the "not my little angel" defense. (A lioness protecting her cubs)
    Let us all know what happens.
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  15. #15
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    File a police report for a school boy spat!? Really? Jeese. Just what is the report going to include? A 10 year old ran his mouth to another 10 year old? The police department is not your personal secretary service, stop bogging them down with silliness that is the job of the parents.... and people wonder why we have all the "zero tolerance" BS. Rant off.

    This is clearly a matter for the parents and the school to handle, not the police.
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