Things you should know by now

Things you should know by now

This is a discussion on Things you should know by now within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; 39 THINGS YOU SHOULD'VE LEARNT BY NOW 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. Don't ...

Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Things you should know by now

  1. #1
    Administrative Ban Array Bruces45's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Warrensburg, NY

    Things you should know by now


    1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
    2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
    3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
    4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
    5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
    6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
    7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
    8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
    9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
    10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
    11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
    12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
    13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
    14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
    15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
    16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
    17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
    18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
    19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
    20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
    21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
    22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
    23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.
    24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
    25. It's not the jeans that make your ass look fat.
    26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".
    27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
    28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
    29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
    30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
    31. Never lick a steak knife.
    32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
    33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.
    34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
    35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
    36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
    37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
    38. Your friends love you anyway.
    39. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Array Ride4TheBrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    The Lone Star State
    And I might add:

    "Everything I ever needed to know about Islam, I learned on 9/11"
    "We must remember that one man is much
    the same as another, and that he is best
    who is trained in the severest school."
    ~Thucydides, History of the Peloponnesian War

  3. #3
    VIP Member
    Array srfl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Funny stuff!
    USAF: Loving Our Obscene Amenities Since 1947

  4. #4
    VIP Member (Retired Staff) Array P95Carry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    South West PA
    I was gonna quote one or two but then reading on realized, they are about all spot on!
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!." - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

  5. #5
    Member Array Gelicious's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Newport, Oregon
    hahahahaahahahaha " No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes"!!!! hahahahahah dont let my wifey get on here and see that one...
    I carry because I care.
    "An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject."
    "Cling to the Father and His Holy name, and don't go riding on the Long Black Train" - Josh Turner

  6. #6
    Senior Member Array Wayne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Eugene, OR
    31. Never lick a steak knife.

    I like them all, and as Chris put it, "Spot On"


  7. #7
    Senior Member Array gregarat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    That was outstanding!

  8. #8
    Member Array mkeBob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    S.E. Wisconsin
    Never meet you in person Bruce, but looking at your avatar I'd say number 10 fits you.
    The power of the future is in its ability to inspire the present.

  9. #9
    Senior Moderator
    Array Rock and Glock's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    404 Page Not Found

    "The checkbook is always empty at the end of the pay period"
    ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ: Buy These Stickers Here

    "A man without ethics is a wild beast loosed upon the world" Albert Camus

  10. #10
    Lead Moderator
    Array rstickle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Laurel, MD
    Great collection of good advice there!

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

  11. #11
    VIP Member
    Array CopperKnight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Spokane area, WA
    OK, I needed that today. Good stuff.

    Only.... one mistake

    16. A balanced diet is a banana in each hand.

    You, of all people (simians), Bruce...
    eschew obfuscation

    The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD

  12. #12
    Member Array Garg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Quote Originally Posted by CopperKnight
    OK, I needed that today. Good stuff.

    Only.... one mistake

    16. A balanced diet is a banana in each hand.

    You, of all people (simians), Bruce...
    Here I was thinking it was a beer in each hand.

    Excelent list. I want to use the Titanic line as my sig!

Sponsored Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

Similar Threads

  1. Things you must do.
    By Timezoneguy in forum Home (And Away From Home) Defense Discussion
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: September 23rd, 2010, 06:17 PM
  2. 6 things you need to know...
    By Pro2A in forum The Second Amendment & Gun Legislation Discussion
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: November 17th, 2009, 09:29 AM
  3. Things to consider
    By BikerRN in forum Defensive Carry & Tactical Training
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: October 16th, 2009, 08:46 AM
  4. Things to believe in.
    By 2gunken in forum Defensive Carry Guns
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: March 20th, 2009, 11:46 AM
  5. Things that fly and things that fire (oh, and cut and bind, too)
    By peacefuljeffrey in forum New Members Introduce Yourself
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: October 11th, 2006, 10:12 PM