"Bad Student Analogies and Metaphors"

"Bad Student Analogies and Metaphors"

This is a discussion on "Bad Student Analogies and Metaphors" within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled ...

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  1. #1
    VIP Member Array miklcolt45's Avatar
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    "Bad Student Analogies and Metaphors"

    1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a thigh Master.

    2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

    4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

    5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

    6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

    8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

    9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

    10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

    11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

    12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

    13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

    14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Top eka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

    15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

    16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

    18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

    19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

    20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

    21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

    22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

    23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

    24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

    25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
    He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliott

    The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
    Albert Einstein


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array nedrgr21's Avatar
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    I like #10.

  3. #3
    Member Array hickatheart's Avatar
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    thanks for the good laugh. Minor s-storm @ home, God timing!
    H@H
    Born to Raze Hell

  4. #4
    Senior Member Array Katana's Avatar
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    My personal fave was #17.
    "Stand your ground, don't fire unless fired upon, but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here!" - John Parker April 19th, 1775 Lexington, MA

    Μολών λαβέ!

  5. #5
    VIP Member Array paramedic70002's Avatar
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    20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

    This one is not so bad; I like it!
    "Each worker carried his sword strapped to his side." Nehemiah 4:18

    Guns Save Lives. Paramedics Save Lives. But...
    Paramedics With Guns Scare People!

  6. #6
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    23,24,13 and 5 were funny
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

  7. #7
    VIP Member Array chiefjason's Avatar
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    It brought tears to my eyes, like the guy who just got in from 3rd shift reading this trying to stifle the hysterical laughter and not wake his family.

    Thanks!

  8. #8
    Senior Member Array Daddy Warcrimes's Avatar
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    9. is borderline plagiarism of Douglas Adams.
    "and suddenly I can not hold back my sword hand's anger"

    DaddyWarcrimes.com

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