Male vs. Female at the ATM

Male vs. Female at the ATM

This is a discussion on Male vs. Female at the ATM within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM ...

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Thread: Male vs. Female at the ATM

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array Katana's Avatar
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    Talking Male vs. Female at the ATM

    MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
    A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

    'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
    Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
    After months of careful research, MALE &FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'

    ****************************** *
    MALE PROCEDURE:
    1. Drive up to the cash machine.
    2. Put down your car window.
    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
    6. Put window up.
    7. Drive off.


    FEMALE PROCEDURE:

    1. Drive up to cash machine.
    2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
    3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
    4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
    5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
    6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
    7. Open car door to allow
    Easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
    8. Insert card.
    9. Re-insert card the right way.
    10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
    11. Enter PIN.
    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
    13. Enter amount of cash required.
    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
    17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
    18. Re-check makeup.
    19. Drive forward 2 feet.
    20. Reverse back to cash machine.
    21. Retrieve card.
    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
    23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
    25. Redial person on cell phone.
    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
    27. Release Parking Brake.
    "Stand your ground, don't fire unless fired upon, but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here!" - John Parker April 19th, 1775 Lexington, MA

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  2. #2
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    Array Bark'n's Avatar
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    Wow... Flame On!

    That was, however, some funny stuff!
    -Bark'n
    Semper Fi


    "The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."

  3. #3
    Member Array UnklFungus's Avatar
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    I have honestly known a girl like that!
    “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government.”

    Patrick Henry
    Quote Originally Posted by UnklFungus
    If it is ok to disarm legal citizens to reduce crime, then doesn't it stand to disband the military to prevent war?

  4. #4
    Senior Member Array Pure Kustom's Avatar
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    lol I have known a few like that!!!

  5. #5
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    I want to know who was watching my ex at the ATM!

  6. #6
    Distinguished Member Array morintp's Avatar
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    The women here may be offended by this, but everytime I go to the ATM, it plays out exactly like the OP.
    64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.

  7. #7
    VIP Member Array Patti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by morintp View Post
    The women here may be offended by this, but everytime I go to the ATM, it plays out exactly like the OP.
    We're not all that bad.....I never drive away with my parking brake on.
    Socialism is the philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance and the gospel of envy. — Winston Churchill

  8. #8
    Member Array Krockett's Avatar
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    And I don't carry a purse I have to check every pocket looking for my card!!

  9. #9
    Senior Member Array Pure Kustom's Avatar
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    LOL

  10. #10
    VIP Member Array searcher 45's Avatar
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    My wife is more organized than I am, she is the finder of all lost things. We have talked about situational awareness and she is very good at it. She travels in yellow and moves to orange well. If you pulled up behind my wife at the ATM she would make mental note of you and as she is transaction her business she would be keeping up with your movements, and be aware of anyone else near by.

  11. #11
    Member Array grifft's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katana View Post
    MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
    A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

    'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
    Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
    After months of careful research, MALE &FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'

    ****************************** *
    MALE PROCEDURE:
    1. Drive up to the cash machine.
    2. Put down your car window.
    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
    6. Put window up.
    7. Drive off.


    FEMALE PROCEDURE:

    1. Drive up to cash machine.
    2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
    3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
    4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
    5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
    6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
    7. Open car door to allow
    Easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
    8. Insert card.
    9. Re-insert card the right way.
    10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
    11. Enter PIN.
    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
    13. Enter amount of cash required.
    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
    17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
    18. Re-check makeup.
    19. Drive forward 2 feet.
    20. Reverse back to cash machine.
    21. Retrieve card.
    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
    23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
    25. Redial person on cell phone.
    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
    27. Release Parking Brake.

  12. #12
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Ooooh, yer gonna go straight to He-- for that one!

    I'm not touchin' it with a 10ft pole. You're on your own.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  13. #13
    Member Array Mountaineer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katana View Post
    MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
    A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

    'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
    Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
    After months of careful research, MALE &FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'

    ****************************** *
    MALE PROCEDURE:
    1. Drive up to the cash machine.
    2. Put down your car window.
    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
    6. Put window up.
    7. Drive off.


    FEMALE PROCEDURE:

    1. Drive up to cash machine.
    2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
    3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
    4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
    5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
    6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
    7. Open car door to allow
    Easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
    8. Insert card.
    9. Re-insert card the right way.
    10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
    11. Enter PIN.
    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
    13. Enter amount of cash required.
    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
    17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
    18. Re-check makeup.
    19. Drive forward 2 feet.
    20. Reverse back to cash machine.
    21. Retrieve card.
    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
    23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
    25. Redial person on cell phone.
    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
    27. Release Parking Brake.
    My wife does not an ATM card because she would not make it past step 4, there's a good chance the receipt would get lost, so step 17 would not happen, and forget step 22, the card would just get tossed back in her bag.

    She would not qualify for a CPL. She'd have to dump out her bag to find her firearm. She lost the Spyderco I bought for her :-(

  14. #14
    Member Array Eagle Eye's Avatar
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    My wife is so short she just parks and goes inside! She can't reach the ATM from the car.
    Socialism tries to give the slave all the advantages of his security together with the benefits of freedom, and, in the process, destroys both the free and the enslaved.

    R.J. Rushdoony

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