Rules of Housekeeping

This is a discussion on Rules of Housekeeping within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; sm posted this on THR and in case he didn't get to post them here - I 'm doing it. Hard to find anything new ...

Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Rules of Housekeeping

  1. #1
    Assistant Administrator
    Array P95Carry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    South West PA
    Posts
    25,482

    Talking Rules of Housekeeping

    sm posted this on THR and in case he didn't get to post them here - I 'm doing it. Hard to find anything new under the sun on the 'net but I hadn't seen it before. Ideal for the redneck batchelor

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.

    2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption.

    3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone.

    4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your spouse points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"

    5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.

    6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing handsewn play animals for underprivileged children.

    7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."

    8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."

    9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident... I haven't had the heart to clean it..."

    10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..."
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

  2. Remove Ads

  3. #2
    VIP Member
    Array srfl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    FL
    Posts
    6,870
    Awesome! I love it!

    I for one would love to use those excuses, but since I'm single, using them on myself just won't have the same impact.
    USAF: Loving Our Obscene Amenities Since 1947

  4. #3
    VIP Member
    Array Team American's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    3,826
    Thanks for posting this, Chris...

    I now have a new round of excuses to put into play
    "I surrounded 'em"- Alvin York

    "They're ain't many troubles that a man can't fix with seven hundred dollars and a thirty ought six"- Jeff Cooper

  5. #4
    Member
    Array ecbaatz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Michiganb
    Posts
    331

    Reason for Dust

    My mom always gets on me about cleaning. Even when I just get thru. However one time she did say it looked nice but I still could dust.

    I told her there was a reason for dus. It shows you when something is missing. She didn't like that reason either. I thought it was pretty good.

    Eric

  6. #5
    Lead Moderator
    Array rstickle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Laurel, MD
    Posts
    21,636
    Hmmmmmm, have to remember some of those, especially number 1.
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

  7. #6
    Senior Member Array gregarat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    US
    Posts
    862
    2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption.
    Think I can also get a goverment grant for it?

  8. #7
    VIP Member
    Array CopperKnight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Spokane area, WA
    Posts
    6,741
    Quote Originally Posted by P95Carry
    1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.
    I knew there was a reason I hated vacuuming. Love this. Wife won't go for it, but that doesn't mean I can't try it.
    eschew obfuscation

    The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD

  9. #8
    Member Array soflasmg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    South Florida
    Posts
    216
    1. Don't iron while naked.
    The Marshmallowist

  10. #9
    VIP Member Array KenpoTex's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    SW Missouri
    Posts
    2,193
    HEY! how did whoever wrote this get into my apartment?
    "Being a predator isn't always comfortable but the only other option is to be prey. That is not an acceptable option." ~Phil Messina

    If you carry in Condition 3, you have two empty chambers. One in the weapon...the other between your ears.

    Matt K.

  11. #10
    Senior Member Array GoodSamaritan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Central Kentucky
    Posts
    790
    lol!
    Ironing naked is not so bad if you are very careful.
    However frying bacon is NOT a good idea, no matter how careful you are.

  12. #11
    Senior Moderator
    Array Tangle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Chattanooga
    Posts
    9,667
    Got anything for mowing the yard? Maybe that should read getting out of mowing the yard.

    I saw a pic somewhere of "how a man vacuums" - he was on a riding vacuum (mower) in the living room!

  13. #12
    Senior Member Array David III's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Sturgeon, MO
    Posts
    810
    I can't use any of those because my wife cleans houses for a living. She has her own cleaning business. However..... I have it so good - almost unbelievable.
    Why?
    I don't have to clean anything because, according to her, I don't "clean right." Yes, dear. I completely agree (as I open a beer and sit on the patio). She won't let me run the weedeater either. In fact, she bought the one we have, which she calls a weed whacker. She says I "don't whack well enough." Hmmm. I'll not comment on that!

Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Similar Threads

  1. The New Rules of War
    By kdydak in forum Law Enforcement, Military & Homeland Security Discussion
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: March 28th, 2010, 09:56 PM
  2. 5 rules
    By MP45CDE in forum Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: October 28th, 2008, 10:20 PM
  3. What are YOUR rules?
    By Risque007 in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: October 5th, 2006, 02:44 AM