Must-read (I mean it) for all guys

Must-read (I mean it) for all guys

This is a discussion on Must-read (I mean it) for all guys within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Gents, Schrodinger's Rapist, or a guy's guide to approaching strange women without being maced/ This is a fascinating article by a lady regarding being approached ...

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  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array Paymeister's Avatar
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    Must-read (I mean it) for all guys

    Gents,

    Schrodinger's Rapist, or a guy's guide to approaching strange women without being maced/

    This is a fascinating article by a lady regarding being approached by guys. Elements of it will sound familiar, and she doesn't particularly address self-defense... but she DOES discuss how we appear as we approach. Her discussion of non-verbal cues *we* need to catch is intriguing as well.

    This will apply to the single guys, of course, but also to the married fellows who want to share a recipe or think they're incredibly witty and have a great joke to tell. And it should be shared with any with sons/neighbor boys/youth groups as well, so far as I'm concerned.

    Please read this.

    ==================

    Note for you non-physicists: Schrodinger was one of the early quantum physics dudes who proposed a thought experiment highlighting an oddity of a certain theory - the connection to the title of the article is that you don't know what the outcome is 'til you open the box.

    A cat, along with a flask containing a poison, is placed in a sealed box shielded against environmentally induced quantum decoherence. If an internal Geiger counter detects radiation, the flask is shattered, releasing the poison that kills the cat. The Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics implies that after a while, the cat is simultaneously alive and dead. Yet, when we look in the box, we see the cat either alive or dead, not a mixture of alive and dead.
    (can you tell I used to be a science teacher?)
    Recently updated website: http://www.damagedphotorepair.com


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array searcher 45's Avatar
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    I am grateful that 36 years ago and 5 grown children later my wife and I started out with trust and still have that trust. We have come to the place where we protect each other and trust and love each other to the depths of our being.

  3. #3
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    I thought it was a little over the top, but not totally off the mark. It makes me glad that I don't live in a crowded city full of scary and scared people.
    Last edited by atctimmy; November 16th, 2009 at 10:05 PM.
    It is surely true that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. Nor can you make them grateful for your efforts.

  4. #4
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    The sword does cut both ways. As a former exec, I've coordinated with HR many times to provide sexual harrassment training for my division. Granted, there were plenty of dumb guys that needed it. However, a lot of folks that perceived themselves as 'victims' needed it too (much paranoia). I enjoyed this politically correct environment so much that I quit and left the industry all-together.
    __________________________________
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  5. #5
    VIP Member Array nedrgr21's Avatar
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    I found her to be a warped, ignorant, arrogant, nazi-feminist.

    Pre-date precautions - gtg. after that, she's wacked.

    She actually assumes every approaching man is about to rape her - what a twit.

    "While you may assume that none of the men you know are rapists, I can assure you that at least one is." - that is just idiotic. So is "one in every subway car".

    Seriously, a "rape joke" t-shirt?

    And then to suggest we men should always assume we are a threat and then go from there.

    How pathetic.

  6. #6
    VIP Member Array Eagleks's Avatar
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    Since becoming single again 11 yrs ago.... I have heard many things out of women that has convinced me that there is a reason many of them are single..... and consequently... makes me think staying single myself may be a good thing.

    Things women say / ask :
    1. How much money do you make ?
    2. How much is your retirement worth ?
    3. I'm tired of working, I want a man who can support me so I don't have to work anymore....
    4. I want you to know I don't have sex on the first date !!! HUH ?
    My response to this one was, "neither do I, so lets keep that in mind".
    5. My Ex....... blah blah blah blah
    6. I've been hurt too many times by men..... blah blah blah. This is a woman saying she really doesn't like any men and has learned to hate them all. She has so much baggage and will blame you for everything any Ex - BF or husband has ever done.... RUN FORREST ... RUN !
    7. I don't understand why men never ask me out for a second date.
    8. We've been out 6 times now, and you have not so much as tried to kiss me, what's wrong with me ?
    9. A description of the husband they want, which is so specific to make sure that no man in the world will ever meet it and they can rationalize killing every potential relationship they might, or could , have.

    and I could go on......

    So women, wake up..... leave whatever issues you've had with past boyfriends, in the past, it doesn't mean we are going to do the same thing. Don't treat all men as the same. Try 'communicating" ..... instead of shallow things all of the time and thinking that every man who approaches you to say something, is actually attracted to you.

  7. #7
    Distinguished Member Array jumpwing's Avatar
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    She seems pretty reasonable to me. As men, the idea of being overpowered and raped by a woman (or two) is fantasy material and not a realistic possibility. I have a step-daughter who takes classes at a local college; some of these classes are at night. And you can be damn sure I've explained what to look for in a guy who approaches.

    I've also told her every trick in the book that guys will use. Including the one where he tries to make her feel bad for politely telling him off. Phrases like "Why do you have to be so rude?" and the sarcastic "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know you were a lezb0!" or the accusatory "Feminazi!"

    Physical signs are easy to spot, and most women have a decent instinct in this respect. It's the smooth-talking, psychology-wielding conversationalist that I worry about.

    She knows that most guys who talk to her aren't dangerous. But she knows that the ones who ARE dangerous try to walk and talk like the ones who aren't. And ANYone who doesn't respect her polite attempts at caution is a self-centered ass at best, and trouble at worst; both of which deserve nothing more than distance.

    When I was younger, I used to work the cash register at a gas station; often alone at night when most of the nearby businesses were closed. I didn't assume that every joker who walked in to buy smokes or a soda was an armed robber, but I was fully aware of the possibility.

    I think this is the point she's trying to make.
    "The flock sleep peaceably in their pasture at night because Sheepdogs stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
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  8. #8
    Distinguished Member Array Paymeister's Avatar
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    Seems to me that what she's saying is that men need to realize that the majority of women do NOT live in Condition White, and that a harmless approach may easily be falsely perceived as a threat. Since we encourage the sheepdogs here to keep their eyes open, this merely sounds like our being on the receiving end of the same behavior we advocate. Certainly we could produce a similar essay for down-and-outers in how to safely ask for a buck!

    Sure, she's a bit strident, and I don't think she's likely to have any clue about the wonderful gift that Mr. Colt gave women. But it would seem that she could also indeed be fairly representative of the single women (at least the city ones), and thus her essay may be instructive: in the real world, I'll wager that we come across a lot of women like her.

    Sorry if I came across as posting this as a criticism of anyone - certainly none was intended! I have a lot of respect for the gang here, and just thought this might be a useful discussion starter as we train our sons and young men we have as neighbors or friends.
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  9. #9
    Distinguished Member Array mr.stuart's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eagleks View Post
    Since becoming single again 11 yrs ago.... I have heard many things out of women that has convinced me that there is a reason many of them are single..... and consequently... makes me think staying single myself may be a good thing.

    Things women say / ask :
    1. How much money do you make ?
    2. How much is your retirement worth ?
    3. I'm tired of working, I want a man who can support me so I don't have to work anymore....
    4. I want you to know I don't have sex on the first date !!! HUH ?
    My response to this one was, "neither do I, so lets keep that in mind".
    5. My Ex....... blah blah blah blah
    6. I've been hurt too many times by men..... blah blah blah. This is a woman saying she really doesn't like any men and has learned to hate them all. She has so much baggage and will blame you for everything any Ex - BF or husband has ever done.... RUN FORREST ... RUN !
    7. I don't understand why men never ask me out for a second date.
    8. We've been out 6 times now, and you have not so much as tried to kiss me, what's wrong with me ?
    9. A description of the husband they want, which is so specific to make sure that no man in the world will ever meet it and they can rationalize killing every potential relationship they might, or could , have.

    and I could go on......

    So women, wake up..... leave whatever issues you've had with past boyfriends, in the past, it doesn't mean we are going to do the same thing. Don't treat all men as the same. Try 'communicating" ..... instead of shallow things all of the time and thinking that every man who approaches you to say something, is actually attracted to you.
    Very true. Some people suggest all men are animals and all women are the innocent little darlings. There are just as many messed up women as there are messed up men.

  10. #10
    Distinguished Member Array AutoFan's Avatar
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    I find her use of statistics to justify her paranoia a sign of her mental illness. "1 in 6 women will be raped in their lifetimes". When I was in college the radical feminists used the "1 in 4" statistic. I've never seen a reputable source for that number, or the one she uses in the blog. It seems she believes the stereotype that all men are only after one thing. It is as prejudiced and discriminatory as any other stereotype. Or maybe she has had a bad experience.

    Should I treat every women I meet as Schrodinger's Insane Woman? After all, I can't know until it happens that she is crazy and will do everything in her power to ruin my life. Same warped reasoning.

    The reason most guys develop the "no downside to trying" is because of all the rejections they get in social settings. Also the type of rejections.

    If I had followed her sage advise <-[sarcasm] I would never have met my wife, as she had no interest in me, and was flirting with one of the guys I was with.

  11. #11
    pax
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    Paymeister,

    Awesome article. Right on the money, too. A man who will not listen to a woman's "no," is in fact a threat to her. And the more vehemently or vigorously he rejects that "no," the more likely it is that he is a serious threat.

    Here's another good one, this one from a guy: Potential Rapist Profile. He, too, is right on the money. A man who will not take "no" from a woman is a threat.

    And here's another, this one also from a man: The Gift of Fear. That one's a bit longer, and it isn't a free online read. But it explains, in detail, why the angry responses above are sadly off the mark.

    pax
    Kathy Jackson
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  12. #12
    pax
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    Autofan,

    The "1 in 6" number comes from a National Violence Against Women study, published in 2000 and sponsored by the National Institute of Justice and the Centers for Disease Control.

    Here's one source for that number, including a lot of other cites and references to other studies: http://www2.binghamton.edu/counselin...ACT_SHEET1.pdf.

    The numbers are appalling, even if you decide to stick entirely with reported rapes (I personally know at least a half-dozen women who were violently raped and never reported it), and even though we know the violent crime rates have been falling for years. It disgusts me to encounter men who blow off a woman's legitimate concerns with this type of attack -- and ironically amuses me to note that these are the same type of guys who just can't figure out why their female friends won't arm themselves against a dangerous world. Maybe it's because, whenever the women close to them mention their legitimate fears, they blow them off and call them paranoid feminazi whackjobs. Hmmm?

    nedrgr21,

    Ignoring the rest of your post, I'll say this: yes, rape joke tee shirts do exist. I'd link, but I doubt our forum hosts would approve of such a link on this site. Google is your friend, assuming you'd enjoy seeing such a thing.

    pax
    Kathy Jackson
    My website: Cornered Cat

  13. #13
    Distinguished Member Array jumpwing's Avatar
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    The "1 in 4" statistic isn't rape, it's violent crime and it's a lifetime statistic. Meaning that across the whole of your entire life you have a 1 in 4 chance of being the victim of a violent crime (rape, murder, robbery, mugging, home invasion, assault, sexual assault, kidnapping, and the "attempted" version of each).

    Some of the guys on here belittling her essay must be young, unmarried, without daughters, or some combination of those. Wise up, fellas. Your cavalier attitude has nothing to do with faith in your fellow man; it's because you're not the same kind of target with the same limited defenses as a woman.
    "The flock sleep peaceably in their pasture at night because Sheepdogs stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
    cafepress.com/bgstudios

  14. #14
    Distinguished Member Array razor02097's Avatar
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    well she said it herself...

    "men should never approach strange women in public."

    If she is strange... don't talk to her. If its ment to be, its good enough for me.
    There is something about firing 4,200 thirty millimeter rounds/min that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Array Barbary's Avatar
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    Unless I am at my work place( where I encounter female customers and managers) I just generally ignore women. Due to past relationships I am "gun shy" around women. I am totally prepared to be flamed for this post.

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